A Merry Little Christmas

Prologue

April

Nell held her phone, watching as the timer dragged its way towards zero; how could three short minutes feel like a lifetime? Perched on the edge of the bath with the door firmly closed, her heart was racing. Her gaze shifted to the pregnancy test in her other hand, turned face down so that she wouldn’t look at the result until the three minutes were up.

Please, please, please be positive this time.

Oh, how she hoped that April would be the month when she’d cry happy tears instead of the other kind. She’d shout for Olek and the two of them would dance around the bathroom, eyes alight, talking over each other about how exciting it was, how wonderful it was going to be to have a child together. She’d show him how to work out her due date (even though she’d been keeping a mental note as to when the soonest she’d be a mum could be – January, currently) and they’d make an appointment with the doctor to have her pregnancy confirmed.

Officially, she and Olek had only just started trying for a baby. But, secretly, Nell had been a bit que sera, sera with her birth control tablets for a long time. She hadn’t even told her best friend, Merry, which was unheard of, because she normally never kept anything from her.

Nor was it like her not to be honest with Olek. It hadn’t been done with malicious intent, more that she’d had a niggling doubt about her abilities to conceive these days. At thirty-six, there had been so many times over the years when she’d been careless and could easily have got pregnant by accident but hadn’t. Not since … She swiftly halted her thought processes and tucked that particular memory back into the dark corner of her mind where it had remained blissfully undisturbed for years.

Besides, she knew that Olek would have been happy even if she’d had a surprise pregnancy. He was already a devoted dad to sixteen-year-old Max and missed him when he was with his mother. And besides, Olek was happy when Nell was happy, and vice versa.

She and Olek had a wonderful marriage, she knew how lucky she was to be loved by him. And if she could be a mum, if they could have a child of their own to love, well, her life would be complete. But the months had ticked by without a pregnancy, confirming Nell’s fears. She’d wanted to know what was going on with her body and the only way that was going to happen was to talk to Olek about it.

The timer on her phone was down to the last thirty seconds, but she still didn’t peek, wanting to give the test the full three minutes to work. At least the delay in her pregnancy plans meant that by January, she’d have been a partner at Merry and Bright, Merry’s candle business, for a whole year. So she wouldn’t feel too bad about taking some maternity leave. Unless, of course, Merry got pregnant at the same time, that might be a bit tricky.

Nell’s face softened into a smile. The two best friends, now business partners, were on the same motherhood journey and trying for a family. It would be crazy and chaotic if they both had babies next year, but what fun too. Their babies would be best friends from birth, she and Merry could do all the baby classes together and the bond between the two women would grow even stronger as they entered a new era at the same time.

The timer went off in Nell’s hand, making her jump. With her heart in her mouth, she turned off the ringer, took a deep breath and flipped over the test stick.

Negative. Damn .

Of course it was. Just like every other month.

The disappointment was almost physical. A heavy curtain of sadness fell over her and she felt her shoulders start to shake.

‘Darling?’ Olek called, his Polish accent somehow imbuing that one word with extra love. He knocked softly on the bathroom door. ‘Are you OK?’

Her heart twisted. He was so thoughtful, avoiding asking the burning question of whether the test was positive or not, merely asking how she was, instinctively putting her first, over his eagerness to know the outcome.

‘Come in,’ she replied. At least that was what she tried to say; her voice was strangled with sorrow.

Olek opened the door and knelt beside her, wrapping her in his love, his strong arms taking the place of words. Still clutching the negative test in her hand, she leaned into him and allowed the tears to fall.

‘No baby,’ she said, with a sad smile. ‘Not this time.’

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Olek kissed the tears from her cheeks and kissed her. ‘Don’t be sad. It’s completely normal for it to take a few months and we’ve only just started trying.’

Except that they hadn’t, thought Nell guiltily. She’d done the research; most couples conceived within a year. It had been longer than that. Plus, her age was starting to work against her.

She leaned her forehead against his. ‘If I don’t get pregnant next month, can we go and have some tests done to see if there’s a problem?’

Olek pulled back from her, brushing her auburn curls off her face. ‘How about waiting six months? Give it some time. And then I promise to do anything you ask.’ He kissed her again. ‘But I’m sure there won’t be anything wrong.’

It wasn’t as fast as she’d have liked, but it was a step forward. With every passing month, she became more convinced that she wasn’t ever going to conceive. It was bad enough having a hunch, but how she’d be able to cope when a doctor confirmed that she was the problem, she had no idea.

‘I hope you’re right, my love.’ She accepted a tissue from him and dried her eyes. ‘I really do.’

Merry was itching to get a move on, but Cole, in true Cole fashion, was being extremely methodical.

‘I bought three types,’ he said, carefully unpacking the first from its box and smoothing the accompanying leaflet to remove the folds. ‘This is my preferred starting point. Apparently, it’s ninety-nine per cent accurate and has the best reviews on Google.’

‘Trust you, Mr Belt and Braces. Just pass it to me and let me get on with it.’ She took it out of her husband’s hands and suppressed a giggle. She’d have just picked the cheapest, or the one which gave the quickest result. They had such a different approach to life; where Merry was always racing from one thing to another making snap decisions as she went, Cole was calm and considered, but despite their differences, as a couple, they just worked.

‘I haven’t read the instructions yet,’ he complained. ‘We need to do this properly, it’s important.’

She looked at him now, an earnest frown on his handsome face, one hand ruffling his russet-brown hair distractedly, and felt a wave of love so strong that, for a second, she forgot why they were both squashed into the tiny bathroom at Holly Cottage.

‘It is important.’ She wriggled out of her jeans and sat down on the loo. ‘But I’m dying for a wee, and everyone knows all you need to do is pee on the stick.’

He grinned at her. ‘Never change, Mrs Robinson. I’m sure you’re right.’

She gave him a prim look. ‘Excuse me, Mr Robinson, can’t a girl have a little privacy while she’s indisposed?’

‘You didn’t give me a chance!’ he blustered, turning away.

‘Too late, my work here is done,’ she said with a snort, holding up the stick. ‘Ta-dah.’

‘Now we wait.’ He tore off some tissue paper for her to lay the pregnancy test onto, covered it over so they couldn’t see the results window and set a timer on his watch for three minutes while she washed and dried her hands. ‘Come here.’

He held his arm out to her, and she snuggled into him, resting her head under his chin, listening to the steady beat of his heart and wishing she was as calm.

Despite her laughter and impatience, deep down, Merry was a bag of nerves. She had wanted a baby for as long as she could remember. At school when other girls had been dreaming of going to university and having careers and travelling the world, her biggest wish was to start a family, a baby to love, her own flesh and blood to make up for growing up without a family. Last Christmas, she’d discovered that not only was her father alive, but that she had a half-sister, Emily, so she wasn’t without family anymore. Even so, the chance to be a mother to her and Cole’s child would be a dream come true.

Her childhood had been unconventional, to say the least. Her mum had been living rough before having her at seventeen, and while she had happy memories of being in their little bedsit, those memories had been overshadowed by her mum’s suicide when Merry was only eleven. Her experience of a mother-child bond was sketchy at best. But Cole was a good dad to Freya and Harley. She could learn from him, couldn’t she?

The timer on Cole’s watch went off. He stopped the beeping and gave her a squeeze.

‘Ready to find out?’ he placed a soft kiss on her lips.

She nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. ‘Ready.’

He pushed aside the tissue paper and they both leaned forward to read the word which had appeared in the window.

‘Pregnant!’ they exclaimed together.

‘I don’t believe it,’ Merry gasped.

Instinctively, she pressed a hand to her stomach. It would be months before anything was noticeable, but her baby – their baby – was already living and growing and moving around inside her. And then suddenly she was in the air as Cole picked her up and swung her around.

‘You’d better believe it!’ Cole cried triumphantly. ‘Because we’re having a baby! You clever, clever girl.’

Merry laughed at his exuberance, clinging on tightly around his neck. ‘I think you might have had a part in it too.’

He set her down gently and kissed her. ‘I did. And you’ve just made me the happiest man on the planet. I love you, darling, and I promise to be the husband and the dad that you and our baby deserve.’

‘I know you will,’ she replied, ‘because you already are.’

A wave of emotion enveloped her and it was all she could do to stay on her feet. Excitement and gratitude, but something else too, a sense of peace that she’d been searching for her whole life.

She was married to the most wonderful man she could wish for, had two stepchildren she adored and now she was pregnant with a baby of her own. All she had ever wanted was within her grasp, and her future could not have looked rosier.