Chapter 4 Hayley #2
She imagined them, sprawled on the floor in front of the Christmas tree in their pyjamas, chocolate smudged on their faces.
“Do you know how lucky you are?”
“Because I could steal my sister’s chocolate?”
“Because you have this great family. Because you’re loved. You’ve always been loved.”
He pulled over without warning and switched off the engine. Then he unclipped his seat belt and turned to face her.
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. “Stop worrying.” His mouth lingered on hers. “I love you so much.”
Every time he said those words she wanted to record them so that she could play them back over and over again.
It should have been freezing without the heating, but she felt nothing but warmth. “I love you too.”
He sat back, his gaze fixed on hers. “I know Christmas was always tough for you. It hurts to think about it.”
“It’s the past. It’s done. I prefer to think about now. And I’m excited about now.”
He brushed her cheek with his fingers. “You’re always so positive.”
“Not always. I have low moments like everyone, but that’s just life, isn’t it?
Full of ups and downs. I’ve learned to ride out the bad moments and when a good thing happens, I’m not going to ruin it by thinking about the bad things.
I just grab it and enjoy.” Like now. This was one of those good moments.
“But you never had family. Never had someone leave a stocking full of gifts for you.”
“People donated things, so I had presents. Except for the year I was moved from one foster home to another a few days before Christmas.” She caught his shocked expression and shrugged.
“It happens. But it’s a particularly bad time to be moved because of the emphasis on family that seems to be part of Christmas.
It makes the feeling of isolation all the more acute. ”
“What presents did you have?”
She was grateful for the change of subject.
“Oh, various things—” She snuggled deeper into her scarf.
“A new toothbrush and toothpaste. One year I had a shower gel and the bottle was the shape of a mermaid. A new flannel. Chocolate—that was nice. Crayons and paper. Gel pens. Notebooks to draw in. I loved those. Oh and knickers. Days-of-the-week knickers.”
“Days-of-the-week knickers? For Christmas?”
“Yes, and here’s the funny thing—they were all Friday.”
“Are you telling me you only wore knickers on a Friday? I’m shocked!”
She giggled. “I was so confused. Took me years to figure out it was probably faulty stock that was being sold off.”
He was laughing too, but there was something else in his eyes. Something that wasn’t laughter, and after a moment he reached out and stroked his thumb over her cheek.
“I’m going to make sure that this Christmas makes up for the last thirty. And this year you will need to hang up your stocking, because Santa is going to pay you a visit.”
“Santa?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t believe in Santa.” His cheeks creased into a smile that made her stomach flip. It was his smile that had first caught her attention.
“He’s never visited me before. I always assumed that was because he didn’t exist, but I suppose it’s possible he didn’t have my address.
Which might have been a good thing. It would have freaked me out to wake up and see a morbidly obese man in a red suit creeping around my bedroom in the middle of the night. ”
“You wouldn’t see him,” Jamie said. “He’s stealthy.”
“Even creepier.”
Jamie grinned. “I posted him a letter from you so I’m confident that this year he is going to find you.”
“Wait—you wrote to Santa for me?”
“No, you did. That night in Thailand when we were up all night telling each other everything. You said you’d never written a letter to Santa. Don’t you remember?”
“I remember.” She remembered everything about that night. They’d talked and talked. “You made me write one. I threw it in the bin.”
“And I took it out of the bin and mailed it.”
“You mailed it? Where exactly did you mail it to? What address?”
Jamie looked innocent. “To the North Pole, of course, where Santa lives.”
“Of course.” She reached out and put her hand on his face, feeling the roughness of his jaw against her palm. “You’re a wonderful man, Jamie. How did I end up with you? I feel so lucky.”
She still couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to vanish.
“I’m the lucky one. And Santa has worked hard at choosing things you’ll love so I think you’re going to have a happy Christmas.”
“You mean you worked hard.”
“Don’t kill the magic.”
Right now she was so happy, she’d take all and any magic that came her way.
She wanted to say that it wasn’t the contents of the stocking that mattered (although she was touched that he’d given so much thought to it because it was another sign of how much he loved her). For her it was spending time with him and his family. Being part of something.
But still the niggle of anxiety remained.
His family were all so close. What if they thought she was the wrong person for Jamie? What if Christmas wasn’t dreamy, but stressful?
“You’re absolutely sure we shouldn’t have told them our news before we arrive? Won’t they be shocked?”
“No.” He fastened his seat belt. “They know we have something to tell them, so they won’t be that shocked. I asked them to arrange a party—a small one—just family and close friends. That should have given them some clues.”
Her stomach rolled slightly. A party, especially for them. She would be the centre of attention. People would be judging her.
“But what do you think they’re expecting us to say?”
“They probably think we’re getting engaged.”
“But—”
“It’s going to be fine. Why are you frowning?”
“Because I’m worried this is all going to be a giant shock for them.” Still, she had to trust that he knew what he was doing. “I suppose I always assumed that close families tell each other everything.”
“Not always. And not everything. Sharing is optional. We still have some secrets.” He shrugged and started the engine.
“Let’s go. Before I take you to meet my family, we’re going for a long walk on the beach and I’m going to show you the most spectacular ruined castle.
Wear all your layers. It’s going to be cold. ”
It wasn’t the cold that worried her.
She tried to ignore the feeling of disquiet. He knew his own family. If he thought everything would be fine, then he was probably right.
She should stop worrying.
Her first-ever proper family Christmas. This was what she’d always wanted, wasn’t it?
Merry Christmas, Hayley.