Chapter 19 Hayley
Hayley
E verything okay? You’re a little quiet. Is meeting all these new people stressful?” Jamie steered Hayley closer to the Christmas tree, slightly away from their guests, who were grouped in various places around the living room, hallway and kitchen. “Are you wishing I’d never suggested a party?”
“No. I want to meet your friends and family. And they’re interesting.
Nice people.” She felt as if she’d met a million new people although in fact there were probably fewer than twenty.
She’d met a couple of Jamie’s friends who were home for Christmas, family friends, neighbors and of course Will’s parents.
And every conversation she had taught her more about Jamie.
“And the place looks so Christmassy. Your mother has worked hard.”
“She loves this time of year. She loves having the whole family together.” He studied her. “If it’s too much we can escape back to our room. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
“Jamie, this party is for us!”
“Exactly. It’s for us. And if you’re finding it stressful, then we should leave. If anything feels awkward, you’re to tell me. I’m going to be right here.”
She studied him closely. “Why are you suddenly treating me as if I’m fragile?”
“I’m not.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Jamie?”
He sighed. “How is it you can read me so well? Rosie might have pointed out that I wasn’t being supportive enough, and I intend to rectify that.”
“You’re supportive, Jamie.”
“No, I thought about what she said and she’s right. Because I’m so comfortable with my family I assumed you would be too. I keep forgetting they’re strangers to you. I’m sorry I abandoned you when Becky and Will arrived.”
So that was what had prompted Rosie to have words with him.
Hayley was touched that she’d noticed and touched that she’d taken the time to try to make the situation easier.
“I don’t need protecting. You don’t need to worry.” She hesitated. “I just don’t want to do, or say, the wrong thing, that’s all.”
“Is that why you’re quiet? Because you’re worried about doing or saying the wrong thing?
Say what you like. Do what you like. In fact, if you need to sneak upstairs, just whisper in my ear.
” He curved his arm around her and pulled her closer.
“And if you could do that sooner rather than later, I wouldn’t object.
Why did I want a party? I must have been mad.
All I want is to be alone with you. What do you think? Shall we do it?”
She felt the warmth of his hand on her back and for a moment she even considered it. Then she dismissed the idea. This was his family. These were the people he’d known all his life. She wanted to know them too.
Also it would upset his mother, who had gone to so much trouble.
“I don’t want to leave. I like watching everyone. I like learning new things about you. Did you really lock your teacher in the classroom when you were ten or was that something your friend said to embarrass you?”
“Sadly, it’s true. I showed a distinct lack of judgement, although in my defence I should say that the snow was the best ever and the whole class wanted to build a snowman. I tried to make it happen.”
“The goals of a ten-year-old. Did he ever forgive you? The teacher?”
“It was she, and yes, she did. You met her earlier. Mrs Everly. Standing over by the fireplace talking to Becky. Slightly scary looking.”
Hayley looked across the room and recognised the woman deep in conversation with his sister and Will. “She didn’t mention it.”
“She told me once that she believes it’s important to let a person move on from their mistakes.”
“Good for her.”
She shifted her gaze from Mrs Everly to Jamie’s parents, who were standing near the piano.
Jenny was wearing a fitted dress in a deep shade of plum.
She looked both elegant and festive, her hair swept up in a casual updo, secured by a sparkly clip.
She and Martin were chatting to Will’s parents, and laughing so hard it made you want to laugh with them.
The affection between them was visible for all to see.
As she watched, Jamie’s mother gestured for Will and Becky to join them.
Hayley felt wistful and a little sick.
“Your parents are so happy about Becky and Will.”
“Yes.” His gaze rested on her face. “What? What are you thinking?”
“Nothing.”
“We agreed never to do that.” His voice softened. “We agreed that we were always going to share what we were feeling.”
She hesitated.
“I keep thinking of the expression on your mother’s face when Becky announced that she was in love with Will.”
“You mean the shock?”
“No,” she said quietly. “Not that.” The moment was imprinted on her brain.
“What then? I didn’t notice anything. But I was probably too busy gaping at Rosie and wondering what was going on.”
Hayley put her drink down on the nearest table. “She looked as if all her dreams had come true. She was thrilled. Her expression was pure joy.”
“That isn’t so surprising. My parents and Will’s parents have been friends since before they had kids. They went to antenatal classes together. Dad delivered Will when he was born because the weather was terrible and they couldn’t get to the hospital. My mother loves Will like a son.”
Hayley nodded. She knew she shouldn’t care so much, but she couldn’t help it. “I’m sure that’s it. It’s great to see them happy.”
He frowned. “Why is my mother’s response to Becky’s announcement making you look as if your dog died?”
Should she tell him? Yes, maybe she should.
“Because she didn’t look like that when you told her we were married.” The moment the words left her mouth she regretted them. “Forget it. I know I’m being oversensitive.” She knew she was hardwired to expect rejection and she tried hard to fight against that.
“I think you’ve got it wrong. She was pleased.” He took her hand. “She said all the right things.”
“Yes, she did.”
“But?”
She hesitated. “But I don’t think she meant them.
She was making a supreme effort, for your sake and because she’s a kind person.
She said what she knew needed to be said because she loves you and the fact that we’re married is a done deal.
But was she happy about it? Did she look as if her dreams had come true?
No.” And it added to her growing admiration for his mother.
To be warm and welcoming while also feeling hurt took immense strength of character.
“Hayley—”
“We should have told them, Jamie.” She looked up at him, wishing they could wind back time.
“Instead of springing it on them. We should have told them right after we got married, or even before. And then they would have had a chance to get used to the idea. And maybe they wouldn’t have loved it or been thrilled, because they don’t know me and I’m sure they would have wanted to be there with you—I get that—but they wouldn’t have been as shocked.
I want them to accept me, and I think by not telling them in advance we’ve made that harder. ”
Jamie listened then glanced at his mother, who was deep in conversation with Will’s mother.
“Honestly?” He turned back to look at her. “I wasn’t really thinking about my family. I was thinking about you.”
“Me?” The look in his eyes made her heart turn over.
“Yes. Getting married was about us. The two of us. I wanted to focus on that and looking at the way you are right now, I think I made the right decision.”
“Am I doing something wrong?”
“No,” he said quietly, “but you’re thinking of everyone but yourself.
And that wasn’t what I wanted. We could have told them before we got married and maybe they would have been fine about it, but if they weren’t then you would have been worried, and I would have felt guilty.
I wanted the day to be about us, and I didn’t want anything intruding on that.
And we could have told them before we arrived yesterday, but again, that might have ended up being a stressful conversation. ”
“What are you saying? That by surprising them with our news the way we did they were forced to be polite?”
“Not really. I’m saying that my family, much as I love them, have never been the priority here. This has always been about you. Us. Your needs come first for me. You come first.”
She was touched, but still she wondered if it would have been less stressful if they’d announced it before.
“I just hope one day your mother will be happy you married me.”
Jamie pulled her close and kissed her briefly. “She already is. Now come and meet Angela. She’s the woman standing by the fireplace.”
“Your college friend?”
“Yes, we shared a house along with four others, Will included. Angie is the reason we can all cook. She insisted we do a night each and she wasn’t willing to eat bolognaise every time.” He led her across the room and for the next hour Hayley chatted to people and got to know more about Jamie.
They were helping themselves to another drink when she happened to notice Becky hovering by the doorway. “Your sister looks as if she’d like to escape.”
“Which sister?” He followed her gaze and laughed. “Yes, Becky hates big gatherings. Any moment now you’ll look round and she will have vanished. She’ll be in her room with headphones on, doing something on her laptop.”
“She’s beautiful. I’ve never met identical twins before. It’s a little unnerving. It’s a good thing Rosie has long hair and dresses differently or it wouldn’t be easy to tell them apart.”
“Becky’s hair was long too until she was about sixteen. They played all kinds of tricks on us when they were young. And occasionally at school.”
She was intrigued. “Pretending to be each other? As a joke?”
“No, usually one of them was saving the other. I remember one occasion when Rosie was being bullied and so Becky pretended to be her and sorted them out.” He caught her questioning look. “You don’t want to know, but it got Becky suspended. Except she was suspended as Rosie, which got complicated.”
Hayley laughed. “I can imagine.”
“It worked the other way round too. Becky had to stand onstage and recite a poem at some end-of-school event or other—I don’t remember exactly. It was her idea of hell.”
“So Rosie did it?”’
“Yes. And she did it perfectly, by which I mean she was just good enough but not outstanding.” He shrugged. “She was Becky.”
Hayley felt a shaft of envy. “So they’ve always been close. In each other’s corner.”
“Always.”
She thought about what had happened earlier. The distress on Rosie’s face when she’d blurted out her belief that Becky was in love with Declan.
“Did you know Becky and Will were together?”
“No, but it makes sense to me. Far more sense than Becky and Declan.” He finished his drink and frowned. “I don’t know what made Rosie say that. Although she has always had an active imagination.”
But a statement like that had to come from somewhere, didn’t it?
“When she came to our room to help me with my dress, did she seem like herself to you?”
“Now you mention it, I did think she was looking strange when I knocked on her door to ask for help, but I assumed she was feeling awkward because she’d made a fool of herself. You might have picked up on that.”
Hayley hesitated. He was the one who knew his sister, not her. One day, maybe, she’d know them well enough to be able to form her own judgement. To know when to offer help and when to stand back.
“You’re probably right. Your sister is very kind.”
“Rosie? Yes, she is, providing you haven’t stolen her Christmas chocolate. Then she’s ruthless. Have you tried those mini quiches my mother made? They’re delicious.”
“I have. And they are. Your mother is a great cook. And so good at making people feel welcome.”
“So apart from the fallout of shocking my family with our announcement, what do you think of your first family Christmas?”
She glanced around the room, at the groups of people enjoying each other’s company.
“It has been interesting. And a lot more complicated than I imagined.”
“I did warn you that your vision of family life was a long way from reality. Chaos, isn’t it?”
Yes, elements of it were chaotic, but it was so much more than that. There was a warmth about the gathering, a lightness and air of anticipation as if everyone had left their complicated lives at the door with their coats and were just enjoying the moment.
She could have watched them forever, the interactions, the way they knew each other. They all looked so comfortable and happy.
And then she noticed that there was no sign of Rosie.