Chapter 20 Rosie #2
“I’m sure you would.” Declan gave a brief smile.
“It was just to get us through that first Christmas. And it worked so well and we had such a good time we did it the next Christmas too. And the Christmas after that. We’ve been doing it for the past ten years, although not everyone makes it every year of course, particularly as we’ve got older.
Pat didn’t make it last year because he had work travel.
Shona was pregnant and didn’t want to risk it. There is usually someone missing.”
Rosie swallowed. And this year he was the one who was missing, because he was with her.
He’d told her he spent his Christmas “skiing with friends.” He’d never shared this level of detail. She hadn’t known any of this.
Her grandmother was smiling. “That sounds like an excellent way to spend Christmas.”
Rosie hadn’t thought it sounded excellent at all until she’d heard him describe it. And now she could picture it.
For him, his friends weren’t just friends.
They were his family. They’d all supported each other through tough times.
They supported each other as her family did.
They did their best to meet each other’s needs, whether that meant singing carols or walking in the snow.
The reason he’d been so upset about her skipping his work Christmas party was because it seemed to him that she was rejecting his friends.
And finally she understood. And she was frantic to continue the conversation they’d started earlier.
“Do you mind if I steal Declan, Granny?” She reached for his hand and saw her grandmother smile.
“Steal away.” Her grandmother gave her a conspiratorial wink. “I shall cover for you if anyone asks.”
“Knowing you, the cover story will be more salacious than the truth.” Rosie leaned down and kissed her grandmother briefly and then led Declan out of the room.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere we can talk. Somewhere we can be alone.” She was determined now, and sure it was the right time to have the conversation they needed to have. “This gathering must be a bit of a strain on you.”
“It’s not.” He seemed oddly reluctant to leave. “It’s good to have the chance to get to know your family a little better. Your dad was telling me that it feels weird being retired.”
Her father had said that? Rosie was surprised, both by the fact that he’d confided in Declan but also that he felt that way. He’d been stressed out and exhausted for the past few years so she’d assumed he would be relishing his new life.
“Weird how?”
“Just that his new life is an adjustment, that’s all.”
“It seems strange that he would mention that to you, out of the blue.”
“It wasn’t out of the blue. I asked him how he was finding being retired. I assumed for someone like him, whose whole life was dedicated to helping people, stepping back must be difficult.”
He’d asked. And her father had told him.
Rosie should have asked him the same question, but there had barely been time to breathe since she’d arrived home and she’d had no time alone with him.
She felt a pang. She didn’t want to think about her parents growing older.
To her they were always there, always the same, providing the solid foundation for her life.
She realised with a flush of shame that she more often than not thought of them as her parents, and not as individuals with the same problems and challenges as everyone else.
“I’m glad you talked to him.”
“He’s an interesting man. And your grandmother is a real character.”
“She is. And she loves you. I hope she didn’t embarrass you too much,’ Rosie said. “She does have a tendency to put people on the spot and she is never tactful.”
“I think she’s brilliant.”
“You do?” She was surprised. Declan rarely talked about himself, and the one thing her grandmother excelled at was persuading people to tell her all their innermost secrets. “I worried you might find her questions intrusive.”
“Far from it. She seemed genuinely interested. I never knew my grandparents.” He hesitated. “You have so many layers of family. Grandparents. Parents. Siblings.”
“Is it overwhelming?”
“No, it’s—” He paused, searching for the word. “It’s enviable. You’re lucky. I can see why you love coming home for Christmas. You’re part of something.”
“You’re part of it too now, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still be alone sometimes.”
Still holding his hand, she headed up the stairs to their bedroom and closed the door firmly behind them.
He raised an eyebrow and she shrugged.
“Last time we tried to have a conversation we were interrupted. That’s not going to happen this time.
It’s too important. Unless smoke and flames start appearing under that door, we’re not opening it.
” She walked to the window, suddenly nervous.
They had so much to talk about it was hard to know where to start.
“That story you told my grandmother—I didn’t know any of that. ”
“I told you I spent Christmas with friends.”
“But not the detail.” She turned to face him. “Detail is everything. Your friends are your family, I see that now.”
He stared back at her. “I hadn’t thought of it that way but yes, I suppose that’s true.”
“It explains a lot. It explains why you were so upset that I didn’t come to your Christmas party. That was wrong of me. I didn’t understand, but I do now. I’m sorry.”
“I should be the one saying sorry.” He crossed the room to join her. “We made you feel uncomfortable. We know each other so well it’s always an adjustment when something changes.”
“They were surprised you were with someone like me.” She touched the fabric of her dress. “I was right about that.”
“You were right they were surprised, but wrong about their reasons.” He gave a faint smile. “They weren’t wondering why I’d chosen to be with you, Rosie—that was pretty clear to everyone. They were wondering why someone like you would choose to spend an evening with them.”
“What do you mean?”
He gave an awkward shrug, as if it was obvious.
“You’re dazzling, Rosie. You light up every room you walk into with your warmth and energy.
They knew I was crazy about you, which added extra pressure.
They didn’t know what to say to you. Maggie confessed afterwards that you made her want to give up wearing hoodies and wear a dress instead, but she didn’t have your confidence.
She wanted to ask you to go shopping with her.
Finn admitted he was too scared to speak to you directly in case he made a fool of himself and you dumped me because of my terrible taste in friends.
And when Harry said you weren’t my usual type, he was gazing at you with awe.
I think you missed that part because you were feeling self-conscious. ”
She gave a shocked laugh. “I thought—I didn’t understand any of the conversation.”
“They talked about the one and only thing they’re confident talking about. Probably hoping to impress you,” he said and then gave that slightly lopsided smile that always made her stomach flip. “That backfired, didn’t it?”
The possibility that they might have felt insecure too hadn’t crossed her mind.
“I felt stupid. I assumed they thought I was stupid. You get frustrated that I don’t use a password manager, and that I hate two-factor authentication almost as much as I hate spreadsheets and that you’re always having to connect my headphones because my Bluetooth doesn’t work and they’re undiscoverable. ”
“No one thought you were stupid. And I didn’t know you were thinking it, because it’s only recently I discovered that you’ve always compared yourself to your sister. Knowing that, your insecurities about my friends and colleagues make more sense. I just assumed you were regretting marrying me.”
He was standing close to her. So close. And the words he was speaking seemed to bring him closer still.
There was a tightness in her throat. A pressure in her chest.
“I thought the same about you. I thought you were regretting marrying me. When we were in the car and I asked you, you hesitated.”
“Not because I regretted it, but because you were so upset I thought we needed to pause the conversation.”
“That’s the worst thing to do when I’m upset.”
He touched her cheek with his fingers. “I’m starting to understand that.”
“I was the one who urged everything forward. I was the one who proposed to you. I started wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t done that. Maybe I wasn’t right for you and I hadn’t given you a chance to discover that. That’s when I started thinking you might have been happier with Becky.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what you were thinking?”
“Because I was too scared I might be right.” She gave a shrug, embarrassed. “I have an overactive imagination. It’s a curse.”
“Your imagination isn’t a curse, it’s a gift. Being with you is a gift.”
She put her hand on his chest, curling her fingers into the front of his shirt. “We see the world so differently.”
“That’s true.” He cupped her face with his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. “And I love that. I’m grateful for it every day. I treasure our differences. I like seeing the world through your eyes.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You notice things I don’t. You see things I don’t. I look at snow and I see traffic issues and grounded planes. You see something magical.”
He lowered his head and kissed her, gently at first and then more deeply, and she felt that kiss right through her body, shimmering across her skin and sinking deep into her bones and her soul.
If they’d ever had a more intimate connection she couldn’t think of it.
Her mouth and body were locked against his and in that moment he was all hers and she was all his.