Chapter 24 Rosie #2
Rosie listened, ignoring the cold air and the shimmer of light on the surface of the snow. “This is why you stayed away from me. From us.”
“Yes, although that was a crazy thing to do because I missed you so much.”
“And why you changed your job?”
“Yes. Also crazy. I hate my new job.”
Rosie thought about it, the pieces gradually falling into place. “Why didn’t you talk to me about all this? Instead of staying away, why didn’t you talk to me?”
“Because the words by the way, I think I might love your husband don’t make for an easy conversation starter?”
“And you don’t love him? You’re sure?”
“Never been more sure of anything.”
Rosie groaned and pulled her into a hug. “I’m so relieved. So unbelievably relieved.”
“Well, obviously.” Becky patted her shoulder, her voice rough. “We’re close, but being in love with the same man would definitely cross a line. Although just for the record, even if I did love him, I’d never do anything to stand in the way of your happiness.”
Rosie pulled away, thinking for the millionth time how much she’d missed her sister.
“That’s not why I’m relieved. I’m relieved because for a brief but horrible moment when you walked through the door yesterday and you and Declan were laughing together, I really was afraid that I’d inadvertently got in the way of your happiness. ”
“No. Never thought of him that way until the day of your wedding. We were just great friends, that’s all.
And as for what happened at the wedding—Will was right.
It was never about Declan. It was about watching you get married.
I felt as if I was losing you, and it was crushing.
I hadn’t expected it to affect me that way and I couldn’t decipher my own feelings.
I love you more than anyone, so how could I begrudge you the happiness I saw on your face that day? What sort of person does that make me?”
“The sort of person who is lucky enough to have a twin sister.”
Becky brushed flakes of snow from Rosie’s coat. “You have some explaining to do too. Yesterday when you blurted out that I was in love with him—did you really think that?”
Rosie stared across the sea, watching the waves foam as the wind caught the surface of the water. “Not really, but I’d managed to convince myself you were better suited to him than I was.”
“Why? Why would you think that?”
“Because you and he have so much in common. Whereas he and I are really different.”
Becky looked at her. “Different isn’t a problem. You and I are different, and it has never been a problem for us.”
“That’s true. But you have to love me. I’m your twin. It’s compulsory.”
Becky grinned. “Not true. I don’t have to love you, I just do. Because you’re brilliant in every way. I’ve always been your biggest supporter.”
Rosie felt the familiar stab of insecurity. “I sometimes wish I was more like you, that’s all.”
Becky stared at her. “Why would you want to be more like me? I’m not comfortable talking about my emotions. I’m terrible with people I don’t know, but you walk into a room and light it up.”
“But you’re really smart.”
“You’re really smart too.”
“I can’t fix a computer when it crashes.”
“I can’t fix a dress when it tears or make a tutu.” Becky’s eyes narrowed. “This is why you thought I was in love with him? Because you have some misplaced idea that to be happy people need to be clones of each other?”
“Maybe. A little. Declan and I hit a bit of a difficult patch over the last few weeks—misunderstandings, nothing more, and I started wondering if I was just the wrong person for him. If he was wishing he’d married someone like you instead.
” Rosie gave Becky a quick summary of everything that had happened.
Saying it all aloud, she was suddenly conscious of how many of her problems originated from paying too much attention to her overactive imagination.
Becky shook her head. “I didn’t know you were having problems. Why didn’t you talk to me? Now I feel even more terrible that I wasn’t there for you.”
“Don’t blame yourself. I probably wouldn’t have talked to you about it anyway.”
“Of course you would. You talk about everything. I envy that.”
“Not this.” Rosie swallowed. “I couldn’t talk about Declan. It was too—personal. It would have felt disloyal. The person I needed to talk to was him, but I didn’t know how to get him to open up.” She saw the flash of frustration in her sister’s eyes.
“I can’t believe Declan went into shutdown mode. When he started dating you, I told him make sure you talk to her properly . He assured me he would. Does this mean I have to kill him?”
“Please don’t. I really like him.” Rosie pushed her hands into her pockets. “And we’re figuring out this whole communication challenge. Our different styles. I was at fault too. My creative brain spins scenarios that aren’t there. I overthink everything.”
“No, really? I didn’t know that about you.” Becky grinned then reached out and squeezed Rosie’s arm. “He adores you. I don’t know much, but I know that.”
“Yes.” Rosie thought about the night before and felt her cheeks grow hot.
She couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d touched her.
The things he’d said to her in the depths of the night as they’d explored and shared, their intimacy played out under the soft spill of silver light from the Christmas tree. “He does love me.”
“And you need to stop thinking you’re wrong for him. I can assure you Declan and I would drive each other crazy within two minutes.”
“That’s probably true.” Rosie thought about it. “He squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle.”
Becky shuddered. “That’s grounds for divorce in my book.”
Rosie grinned. “And he never finishes a cup of tea. By the end of the day there will be six half-drunk cold mugs of tea around the place.”
“He did the same thing in the office. Which confirms we would be a match made in hell. Although I think I already knew that.”
“Which brings us to the next part of this catch-up,” Rosie said. “Will. So your relationship started out fake, and now—?”
Becky groaned. “Now it’s a horrible mess. Which sums up my whole romantic life. He stepped in to help me because he’s a good friend. He did it for me. He acted a part.”
Rosie thought about what she’d witnessed.
“Are you sure that’s what it was? Because I saw the way he kissed you yesterday and that didn’t look to me like a man who was acting a part. He looked like a man who couldn’t keep his hands off you. Are you telling me that wasn’t real? Because from where I was standing it looked real.”
“The fact that he’s a good kisser is real. The chemistry is real enough.” Becky huddled deeper inside her coat, hiding her scarlet face. “Nothing else was.”
“But last night—”
“We slept together. Blame the chemistry. Or the magic of Christmas. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. We’re both consenting adults. It happens. Impulse. Spur of the moment.”
Rosie tilted her head. “Will has never struck me as a guy at the mercy of his impulses. He has always been very cool and controlled. Which is actually very sexy.”
“Okay, whatever, but we both know sex doesn’t have to mean love.”
Rosie studied her sister’s expression and saw something she’d never seen before. “But you do love him.” She wondered why she was even asking the question when the answer was so obvious.
“Yes.” Becky gave her a helpless look, as if it was something she was just coming to terms with herself.
“How did that happen? I’ve known Will forever.
Last year I spent weeks at his place, helping to decorate his house.
I didn’t feel anything other than friendship.
Or maybe I did. I wanted to punch his girlfriend for being—I don’t know—his girlfriend, I suppose.
That might have been a sign. How can I be so clueless about my own feelings?
” She sounded so frustrated Rosie almost smiled.
“When did you work it out?”
“Last night, although I suppose if I’m honest I was having inappropriate thoughts when we shared a room on the way here. And I’ve never had inappropriate thoughts about Will before. It was unsettling.”
“Really?” Rosie was curious. “Never?”
“No. Of course not. Why?”
“Because Will is smoking hot. Surely you noticed that.”
“Well, I mean—he—” Becky swallowed. “No, I’m not sure I did. To me he has always just been Will.”
Rosie’s smile widened. “Will. Our brother’s best friend. It’s such a classic romance trope.”
Becky made an impatient sound. “You do know that’s fiction, right?”
“Doesn’t mean it can’t happen in real life. You are proof that it does. You’re in love with him.”
“Keep your voice down.” Becky glanced nervously towards the house.
“Why so secretive?”
“Because this is all fake, remember? We’re pretending. And when Christmas is over, we break up and that’s it. At least, that’s how it was supposed to be.”
“But you don’t want that anymore.”
“No. But I can’t tell him it’s suddenly real for me.
” Becky shrugged. “I have to carry on pretending that I’m pretending.
Can you imagine anything more confusing?
It’s enough to fry your brain. That’s why I’m standing out here now.
I decided I didn’t want to be there when he woke up.
It will be easier to keep up this charade if we’re surrounded by people. ”
“Or for once in your life you could not hide your feelings and tell him exactly what you just told me.”
“That I love him? That for me it’s all real?” Becky looked appalled. “I can just imagine his reaction. He’d freak out and I’d die of embarrassment. I don’t think so.”
“I’ve never seen Will freak out about anything, and I can’t imagine it happening. He’s always cool and calm.”
Becky wrapped her arms around herself, stamping her feet against the cold.
“I can’t tell him. He’s Jamie’s best friend.
He’s my best friend, after you of course but you don’t count.
I don’t want to ruin that. I still want to be able to help decorate his house and meet him for a drink after work.
I don’t want our relationship to be awkward and if I told him the truth, it would be awkward. ”
Rosie had never seen her sister so flustered. “So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to keep doing what I usually do. Hide my feelings, keep going.”
“Because that approach has worked so well for you in the past.”
Becky ignored that. “And I’m going to get a new job because the one I’m in right now was a mistake. After Christmas I’m going to call some recruiters.”
“If you want to give up your job you could always move in with Declan and me while you find another one. It would save on the rent and we have a spare room.”
“Thanks. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“I’d like it. Not having you around has been painful. Strange. Not at all good.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I missed you so much, and that was unexpected although it probably shouldn’t have been. I think I was as shocked as it seems you were.”
Becky nodded. “Turns out you and I knew everything about how to be together, and nothing about how to separate.”
Rosie slid her arm into her sister’s. “Fortunately, we don’t have to learn that.”
“But I have to get used to not being your number one person. I have to learn how to share you. I’ve never been that great at sharing.”
Rosie grinned. “I know. It’s a good thing we had different interests growing up, so you were never that interested in my gifts.”
“Except for your chocolate.”
“You and Jamie were as bad as each other.”
Becky leaned her head on her shoulder. “How do I fall out of love with Will?”
“I don’t know, but whatever happens I’m here for you and we’re going to figure it out together.
” Rosie watched as a robin hopped onto the snow-covered hedge, its red breast providing a splash of red in a world that was white.
“And for the next couple of days you don’t have to worry about it.
You’re pretending to be in love with each other.
No one has to know that for you it’s real. It will be easy.”
“Except when we’re in private.” Becky sighed. “He’s probably awake by now. What am I going to say to him about last night?”
“You don’t have to say anything. Just behave normally.”
“Nothing about this situation is normal. And I don’t know what to say to him when we’re alone.
And how do I handle the ending?” Becky gave a whimper of horror.
“I don’t even want to think about what happens when I break up with him.
Both sets of parents will be horrified. I never should have pretended we were together, but I had no idea it was going to escalate like this. It’s like a very bad romcom.”
“A very good romcom! I can see it now— A Merry Little Lie .”
“Oh, very festive.”
They walked back to the house, arms linked.
“You’re still my number one person, by the way.” Rosie pushed open the front door. “You always will be. Just don’t tell Declan that.”
“Don’t tell Declan what?” Declan was standing there, wearing his coat. “I was just coming to find you.”
Rosie’s heart lifted. “You were? Why?”
“Because I woke up and you were gone. I wanted to check everything was okay. In case—well, in case you wanted to talk about anything.”
Becky grinned. “Who are you and what have you done with strong, silent Declan?” But she gave his arm a squeeze as she walked past him. “Good for you. Next thing we know you’ll be drinking a whole mug of coffee and not leaving half of it.”
Declan raised an eyebrow and turned back to Rosie. “What was that about?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. “Happy Christmas Eve. It’s my favourite day.”