33. Thirty-Three
Thirty-Three
Noah
I let myself into the house.
Somehow, I can’t find it in me to feel bad about it, especially when I notice Lennon leaned over the kitchen counter, scrubbing the grout on the backsplash like it’s her personal enemy.
I stand there, watching as my emotions war within me. I’ve never been more scared of the woman, and we’ve come a long way since those first days of her hating my guts–or something. Maybe she never really hated me to begin with.
In an effort to separate myself from being a creepier version of Edward Cullen, I clear my throat, announcing my presence and causing her to spin.
“I’m supposed to be doing that,” I say, and her face falls, the rag still grasped in her hand like she’s trying to strangle it.
“You’re late.”
I put my hands in the pockets of my slacks. “My car pep talk took a bit longer than I anticipated.” I wince.
The elaborate speech I’d planned out, first my head, and then my notes app, seems like a terrible idea. I don’t think I’ll remember all the most important points, and reading it from my phone seems like it would make me a real tool.
“Why did you need a pep talk?” she asks, frozen in place.
Well, here it goes.
“I needed to gas myself up to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“Don’t–”
I hold up a hand. “I have to. I tried to hurt you. I knew exactly what I was saying as I was saying it. It was hard not to react to what you said, Lennon, because I want a relationship with you so fucking badly. It’s the first time I’ve tried to pursue anything after Alexis, and I want it with you. God, do I fucking want it.”
She blinks, and I swear her green eyes take on a glassy sheen–lined with tears that refuse to fall. It makes them look brighter in the morning light. “You said want.”
I almost don’t hear her, pressing on. “And it was selfish of me to make it about me. I wanted to be noble, to be a good partner to you. I wanted you to feel like I had your back, and I guess I fucked that up. But I didn’t mean to–” her words finally register, derailing my train of thought. “What?” I ask.
“You said want. You said that you want a relationship.”
My brow furrows. “Yeah, I–”
“Not wanted,” she adds, and I catch her meaning.
I clear my throat, my gaze meeting hers across the room. “Of course, I still want you.” I blink. “You aren’t your reactions to the people who hurt you. That’s clearly something I need to work on, too.”
Her gaze flicks to the ground. “I’m sorry I let you take all of my anger. I wasn’t really mad at you, I just didn’t–”
I take a step forward, then another–moving until I’m standing directly in front of her. When her eyes meet mine, they thaw something in me–softening all the icy parts of myself until there’s nothing left but warmth.
And her.
My hand rises to her cheek, and thank fuck she doesn’t pull away. “I don’t want this to be over,” I say, my heart pounding a steady rhythm in my chest. “For one, the house is still a fucking mess. You need my help.”
She laughs, closing her eyes and leaning into my touch. It warms me even more. “I started on the grout.”
I lean forward, my lips hovering over hers. “And you’re doing a terrible fucking job,” I whisper as she steps closer.
“I’m glad you’re here, Noah.”
I’d spent a lot of time thinking about what Ryan said–the advice he’d given me when I forced him into listening to my sob story.
For the longest time, I’d denied myself what I wanted–believing myself unworthy–settling.
I don’t want to settle anymore.
My lips brush against hers–a promise of a kiss. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” I do it again, tasting late autumn air– like cinnamon and coffee. “I’m sorry,” I repeat, hoping she hears how much I fucking mean it. “I don’t want to be without you, Lennon.”
She breathes me in before pressing her mouth to mine. The kiss is soft–charged with all the emotion of the past week. When she finally pulls back, her eyes are open, staring at me in a way that makes my skin heat.
“I don’t want to be without you, either,” she whispers. “Do you want to watch a movie?” she asks.
I smile, my hand still resting on the side of her face as my thumb strokes softly. “Sure, Lennon.” My smile widens. “I’d love to watch a movie with you. Especially if it’s one nobody has seen before.”