Chapter 4 #2
Even though I could hardly blame him for thinking ill of me after what he’d overheard my aunt say, he’d thought ill of me long before that. He’d assumed the worst about me from the very beginning. And that was the hardest thing to forgive.
I did my best to push away all thoughts of him as I concentrated on the dance. I didn’t bother trying to smile. He didn’t deserve my smiles.
I reminded myself I was dancing at the ball that was given in my honor. I was not going to let him ruin my evening, even if he was the most sought-after gentleman in London this Season.
I did my best to avoid looking into his eyes, but every time I accidentally glanced in his direction, he was looking at me.
“How odious that you were stuck dancing the last dance with me,” I said as we waited our turn. “But I suppose Juliet forced you.”
“She did, yes.”
What a terrible thing to say! But I’d baited him. Still, it was one more bit of proof that he was not chivalrous or even courteous.
The next time we were standing still, I said, “What Mrs. Kendall said is not true. I did not even know Juliet was your sister when I met her.”
He arched his eyebrows.
“I don’t know why I am defending myself to you. You are obviously not honorable enough to believe me, and therefore I will not—”
The dance separated us, as we switched partners and came back together a few moments later. He said, “If I misjudged you, I pray you will forgive me.” But it was obvious from his tone and his expression that he did not think he’d misjudged me.
The dance was finally over. I allowed him to escort me back to Mrs. Kendall, but I refused to thank him or even look at him. Instead, I mumbled to my aunt that I was going to get some lemonade.
Juliet was suddenly beside me, slipping her arm through mine.
“I had such an enjoyable evening,” Juliet said to Mrs. Kendall. “Thank you so much for inviting me to this wonderful ball at your beautiful home.”
“My dear, the pleasure is all mine.” Mrs. Kendall was all smiles, her voice high and triumphant. “You and your brother are always welcome at our home, and I am so honored that he is allowing you to stay the night with us. Dear Amelia has been so happy having such a delightful friend as yourself.”
It was true enough. I ventured to peek over my shoulder, but Mr. Beaumont had vanished.
Good. I wished I might never see him again.
Just thinking about him made me feel the same as I had when my older brother pushed me into a mud puddle when we were small children.
I’d been so angry I jumped on his back, forced him to the ground, and struck him repeatedly with my fists.
If only I could deal with Mr. Beaumont in similar fashion.
I forced myself to focus on Juliet and what she was saying.
“I danced with ever so many charming young gentlemen, and so did Amelia.” She grinned and winked at me.
“Nothing could give me more pleasure than that, my dear,” Mrs. Kendall said. “I’m afraid I must go and say farewell to all my guests.” She hurried toward the house’s entryway, where a line was already forming of people wishing to take their leave.
Later, when we were safely in my room and were preparing ourselves for bed, I said, “I would rather you didn’t try to force your brother to dance with me at the next ball. He really doesn’t like me very much, and that is all right.”
Juliet stopped what she was doing and stared at me. “Oh, my darling friend.” Then she gasped. “Was Jeremy terribly rude to you? I told him—”
“He thinks I befriended you because I was trying to get close to him.”
“Did he say that to you? How dare he? I will make him rue it!”
“No, no, please, do not say anything to him. It will only make things worse.”
Juliet looked thoughtful, staring past me at the wall.
“But it is not true, please believe me. It is true that my aunt told me that Jeremy Beaumont would be a good match, but I had mostly forgotten his name, I had no idea you were his sister, and it never entered my mind to—”
“Amelia, you don’t have to defend yourself to me. I know all of that. I know you did not do what he is accusing you of.” She had a strange look on her face. “Honestly, this is partially my fault.”
“What do you mean? You are not at fault, Juliet.”
She looked at me with a strange expression, slightly sad and remorseful.
“It happened not long after our parents died. I met a girl my age at a party, a Miss Scofield. Or I thought she was my age. It appears she even lied about that. Jeremy tried to warn me about her. He said he didn’t trust her character.
I thought it was only because she was poor.
She had some relatives who were wealthy, some neighbors of ours, but her parents were not.
“Of course, I was stubborn and did not listen to Jeremy. I defended her and insisted she stay with me, told him I was making her my sister, that I had a right to do that because of losing my parents and my older sister, who had gotten married and moved away. I told my brother he was not a good person for thinking ill of my friend. But in the end, she tried to kiss Jeremy and even told him that she had only befriended me to get close to him.”
Juliet sighed and shook her head, staring at the floor.
I could almost understand Jeremy’s suspicion and disdain.
“Jeremy was furious. But before I knew what she had done, Miss Scofield had me invite her cousin, Miss Pepperman, to a ball at our house. Together they stole my jewelry, forced me to pay them money to get some of the pieces back, and spread gossip that I kissed Cornelius Fortescue at a party.”
“The Cornelius Fortescue who ridiculed me for having country manners and for complaining about London’s noise?”
“The very one.” One side of her mouth drooped as she sank down on the bed next to mine.
“Did you . . . ?”
“I did. But it was nothing! We walked out into the garden, he asked me if I would let him kiss me, and I said yes. It was silly. I was fifteen and just wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone. I didn’t even like it—or him!
But I confided in Miss Scofield, and she and her cousin told everyone.
It nearly ruined my reputation. You know how people gossip, embellishing and imagining the worst.”
“Oh, Juliet, I’m so sorry she betrayed you.” I felt sick at the thought. And sick at the thought of her kissing that horrible Mr. Fortescue!
“It just doesn’t seem fair that I can’t even have a little kiss, such a little thing, without people saying that I did something terrible.
” She waved her hand as if to wave away the subject.
“But the truth is, that girl was taking advantage of me—she used me—and Jeremy saw it and warned me, and I refused to listen to him. The entire incident must have been very embarrassing for him, when everyone was talking about me. He is my older brother, my closest relative, and he feels responsible for me.”
She frowned and tilted her head. “And now he sees you in a bad light because of that, and it’s unfair, because you’re absolutely nothing like that girl.
You are a good friend, Amelia, the best friend I’ve ever had.
I am sorry for how Jeremy has spoken to you, that he is prejudiced against you, but you don’t have to worry that he would turn me against you, for even though I love him very much, he never could make me think ill of you. ”
“I’m so sorry all that happened to you.” I was forcing myself not to look or sound horrified. If all that had happened to me . . . But I was not brave like Juliet. She was bold and full of life and joy and love. And I couldn’t imagine her ever doing anything to hurt anyone—except, perhaps, herself.
Should I tell her not to trust people so quickly? But that was part of what I loved about her; she trusted, and she loved, rather indiscriminately, and she had taken me in as if I were her sister when I needed a friend.
I decided that I would forgive her brother.
I didn’t like Jeremy Beaumont, and I would never be able to be his friend, but at least I understood now, just a bit, why he had instantly mistrusted me.
And after what my aunt had said . . . My stomach still churned, and my face grew warm when I thought about it.
If only she had not spoken so loudly. Or if only she had seen him standing there.
But what was done could not be undone. At least I never had to worry about him secretly liking me, or that I would fall in love with the Season’s most sought-after gentleman.