Chapter 19
It was to be a quiet fortnight in the country at Mr. Shelley’s estate, and I was glad of it.
London had begun to feel smoky and stuffy.
It would be good to breathe some fresh air and see trees and grass and moss and streams flowing.
I longed to walk through a forest, even more than I longed for my first cup of tea in the morning.
Perhaps a nice country walk was what I needed to think clearly about Jeremy Beaumont’s confusing marriage proposal. Certainly, this trip would be a good way to observe him in a different environment, which would hopefully lead to helpful insight.
Who I would marry had long seemed the ultimate question, the mystery of my life that must be solved, and I didn’t like being in suspense about it—or the fear that I might be making a mistake.
Our first day in the country, Mrs. Wilson had awakened feeling ill.
“It is only a small cold,” she said. “If I feel better, I shall certainly join you all downstairs later. At worst, I am sure I shall be well in a few days.”
I was not so sure, as her eyes and nose were red, and she sounded quite hoarse.
Mr. Shelley’s estate was something to behold, with so many rooms I was sure I would get lost if I had to find my way around alone. Thankfully, I had Juliet to explore them with me, and she cared not a whit if we did get lost.
“We shall find our way eventually, shall we not?”
I imagined us wandering around the halls and staircases until nighttime and being forced to lie down in some random bedroom and fall asleep.
But we weren’t lost for long. We found our way down to the breakfast room, where Mr. Shelley, Miss Freeman, and Jeremy were already waiting.
Miss Freeman, whom we met when we arrived the evening before, was Mrs. Shelley’s niece. She looked to be around thirty-five years old and was Mrs. Shelley’s companion.
“We were about to send out a search party for you,” Jeremy said.
Had Jeremy Beaumont just told a joke? I didn’t even know he had a sense of humor.
Mr. Shelley’s face lit up when we walked in, but his eyes never strayed from Juliet. He truly was smitten with Juliet, and it made my heart happy to see it.
Everyone’s mood seemed lighter since coming here. I felt my spirits rise in a way that they hadn’t since Lord Gotthurst stopped calling on me. Even my lingering questions about Jeremy Beaumont didn’t seem so pressing here.
Mr. Shelley said, “My mother takes her breakfast in her room, as she likes to wake up gradually,” he said, one side of his mouth quirking up.
I’d been nervous about how Mrs. Shelley would react to Juliet, probably due to the way Lord Gotthurst’s mother had objected to me. So I was very happy that Mrs. Shelley seemed enthusiastic to make Juliet’s acquaintance when we had arrived the day before, and by her manner, liked Juliet right away.
After breakfast, we went for a walk to explore Mr. Shelley’s beautiful grounds. Miss Freeman accompanied us.
I was thrilled to get my wish to walk through a forest. Thankfully, Mr. Shelley didn’t insist we stick to the path, and I wandered through the thick trees and the blanket of leaves on the ground.
I found a bird’s nest and was stared at by a red squirrel, who flicked his tail at me in the most humorous way, as if he were communicating his displeasure at our intrusion.
Mr. Shelley said, “There is a particularly pretty spot a bit further on, with some rocks and a waterfall, if you care to see it.”
“Oh, yes, please,” I said. “Which way?”
Mr. Shelley pointed, and we all started walking in that direction.
Miss Freeman drew close and whispered, “Are you and Mr. Beaumont engaged to be married?”
“We are, but I am not sure if we will get married or call off the engagement.”
She gave me such a shocked look that I felt I had to explain. “The truth is, I’m fairly certain he dislikes me.”
“Dislikes you?” She retained the shocked expression. “He doesn’t dislike you.”
I almost protested, but instead I waited for her to go on.
“He looks at you a great deal, he listens when you speak, and he smiles when you smile.”
I wanted to tell her that she was mistaken, as Jeremy Beaumont rarely smiled.
“I think it’s the country. It has a soothing effect on him.”
“What are you two talking of?” Juliet approached us.
I said, “About how grumpy your brother is when he’s not in the country.”
He turned his eyes toward us, as if he’d deduced we were talking about him.
“Jeremy?” Juliet asked. Then a thoughtful look came over her face. “He hasn’t been happy since Mother and Father died. He used to be quite playful and laughed a lot, certainly more than most men.”
I tried to imagine Jeremy that way, laughing and playful. I liked that image of him, though it was difficult to imagine.
“He feels responsible for my happiness, that he has to make sure I am well at all times,” Juliet said, frowning, “and that has made him irritable and gloomy. That would certainly make me grumpy, if I thought I had to make someone else happy. But being here in the country is good for him. Perhaps he will be his old self again while we are here.”
My gaze met Jeremy’s. We’d been close acquaintances, living in the same house for weeks, but did I really know him?
My first impression of him had been marred by his assumption that I wanted to use his sister to trap him into marrying me.
Only later had I learned that he was someone who would look out for the interests of a servant girl when she was wronged, and he would even look after me, as his sister’s friend.
“He is certainly giving you a very interesting look just now,” Miss Freeman whispered, drawing my attention to her. “I am something of a matchmaker. Two of my cousins and one of my sisters are now married due to my skills.”
I wanted to ask, “But are they happy?”
“And if I didn’t know there was already an attachment between you, I would definitely suggest it.”
I was annoyed. She couldn’t know what our relationship had been like up until now.
Jeremy could marry any lady he wished, wealthy, accomplished, high society ladies, many of whom were desperate for a proposal from him.
Why should I let my heart get broken by him because I was made to believe he cared for me when I knew he didn’t?
No doubt he would be eager to break our engagement when he was sure the gossip about our kiss had dissipated.
“Amelia will be the best sister, and I’m so happy she is marrying my brother.”
Perhaps I should remind Juliet that there was a good possibility that Jeremy and I would not marry after all.
Juliet seemed to read my thoughts, because she said, “He may be irritating as an older brother, but he’d make you a decent husband, and you and I could be together as much as we liked. We’d be sisters in truth, not just pretend.”
“I am not so sure he truly wishes to marry me.” Both ladies started to protest, so I went on.
“Leastways, he has a mind of his own, and he can and should marry someone else, if he so chooses, and that is all I have to say on the subject. Besides, we will always be friends and sisters no matter who we marry, Juliet.”
Thankfully, they changed the topic of conversation.
When it started to rain, everyone decided we should turn back. I would have to wait to see the waterfall.
The next morning, Juliet woke up with a sore throat and decided to sleep for another hour in hopes that she would feel better. Mrs. Wilson was still in bed with her cold and had not left her room, and I found myself alone in the breakfast room.
I quickly drank my tea, grabbed a bread roll and a slice of cheese, and slipped outside to take a walk by myself.
I enjoyed walking with others, but there was nothing like an early ramble through the woods on one’s own.
It was quite foggy and damp, which would make my hair curl, but I relished the quiet, broken only by the rustle of a hedgehog in the leaves or a bird twittering in the branches above my head. It was so peaceful, I closed my eyes for a moment to savor it.
As usual when I was alone, I thought of my family, my brothers and sisters, and my home.
But I would see them again in due time, I told myself, and I was content to be here.
I had good friends and the most pleasant place to walk.
It was a good time to try to sort through what to do about my sudden engagement.
I was bound for the waterfall that Mr. Shelley had mentioned. I’d been disappointed when it started raining and we returned home, but Mr. Shelley had given me directions as to where it could be found.
I might be scolded later for going on my own, but it was worth it if I could find it.
These woods were so lovely and quiet, so comforting to my soul.
I took deliberate deep breaths, feeling that little had changed here in a thousand years, maybe longer, with dense ferns, fallen branches and decaying leaves, and the thick leaves overhead, giving shelter and a sense of reverence and stability, as these trees had been alive for ages.
The Shelley family themselves must have been here for a hundred years at least.
I passed the spot where we had stopped before and went in the direction Mr. Shelley had pointed.
The bushes and ferns became slightly denser as I wondered if I was going in the right direction.
And then I began to hear a faint roar. I kept going and the roar grew louder.
Finally, I saw a clearing through the leaves.
I stepped quickly forward, pushing the last branch aside, and then I saw the white water rushing over the side of some rocks.
I couldn’t see the bottom of the waterfall, so I moved closer, aware that there was an edge. But when I was still several feet from it, a voice said, “Take care you don’t fall.”
My heart leapt. I turned to see Jeremy Beaumont holding a pencil and a book. He was sitting on a bench but quickly stood.
“I came to see the waterfall.” As if I must explain myself.