Chapter Nine #2
Over and above lust or desire? She shook her head.
“I don’t believe so. At this point, he is just a protector.
Has bought gowns and clothes and fripperies for me.
Takes me places. Shares meals with me. Spends time with me here when we are not doing scandalous things.
” Was that a lie though? Was her heart already engaged?
She certainly enjoyed his company, adored the sound of his laugh and his voice when he read her bits from the newspapers or his legal paperwork when he worked a couple of hours in an evening.
But that would have happened with anyone she called a friend, right?
“Oh, that’s good.” Relief went through Lydia’s expression. She released Constance’s hand. “I don’t want to see you hurt, Connie. You’ve already been through so much. Heartbreak shouldn’t prove a regular part of that.”
“You’re right, of course you are.” With nothing else to say, she nodded.
With a glance at Isabella, who had curled herself into a tight ball with her eyes closed, she took her cup and saucer back in hand, she took a sip of the now tepid tea.
“I’d like to think I have more intelligence than all of that.
When I fall in love with someone, I’ll do so knowing there is a definite future for me and that it will contain things that interest me. ”
“Good.” Her cousin smiled. “I know you do, but I do have one question.”
“Go ahead.”
Confusion and worry warred for dominance in Lydia’s expression. “What if you fall pregnant? Penty of women who are mistresses find themselves in such a state, and it would be a terrible thing for your reputation and future if you should—”
“Stop that.” If there was a sharper tone in her voice than she would have liked, she couldn’t help it. “We have taken precautions.”
“They aren’t always effective.”
“Please don’t worry about me.”
“But I know how much you want to be a mother…”
Constance blew out a breath. “I do, and if that happens, I hope everything is taken care of so that the babe will have a good chance at life. Right now, though, it’s all I can do to navigate the waters of this new existence for me.
” She clutched at Lydia’s hand with her free one.
“I am happy and content. Isn’t that good enough? ”
“It is certainly better than how you were before.” Her cousin eyed her askance. “What of your episodes?”
“Oddly, I haven’t had one since Gregory arrived in my life.
” How telling was that? “And with his support, I have been doing some research into helping young women who have been harassed or assaulted. I fully believe there are horrid men who walk among us that steal young women and sell them. No one should worry about that.”
“Those are two separate problems.”
“They are.” She nodded. “However, I am more concerned with the first. I was assaulted, and it could have been so much worse for me, even without the added terror of being kidnapped and tossed onto a ship.” When she thought over that evening, a chill twisted down her spine.
“Imagine what would have happened if Gregory hadn’t interfered. ”
“Do you think in some section of your brain that you feel you owe him something for chasing away the attacker?”
“As if I couldn’t possibly make the decision to be his mistress in my right mind?
” The longer the conversation continued, the more irritated she grew.
When Lydia didn’t answer, Constance huffed.
Once more she rested her cup and saucer on the table.
“Look, I have my full faculties about me. Gregory rescued me. He believed me. I agreed to become his mistress. We get on together, and I am no longer hiding in this house, wracked by episodes. Why must you read something deeper into it?”
It sounded logical and even reasonable when spoken aloud, but was it? She didn’t want to delve into that any time soon.
“Fair enough. I won’t bedevil you about the decision any longer.” Yet her cousin didn’t appear convinced. “Regarding your mission to help other women who have been attacked or assaulted. Why do you want to do that? And how would you even do so?”
“Why? Because no one else cares about these women, and it almost became my fate. As for the how, I don’t know yet.”
Lydia clicked her tongue. Her expression softened. “I’m sure someone would have realized your plight.”
Constance snorted. “Except no one did besides Gregory. Perhaps that was fate.”
“You believe fate put you into his path?” A trilling laugh escaped her cousin. “I’m not sure about that, but if championing a cause keeps you out of your own head and happy, I suppose I don’t mind. Once you’re busy with a beau, such nonsense will fall away.”
“It’s not nonsense, Lydia. I believe it can help.
Deep in my soul, I feel this could have a positive effect on society.
” Then she narrowed her eyes. “Even a mistress can go good in the world, and sometimes, they are the only women who have the coin enough to do so.” She refused to admit that Gregory gave her pocket money and promised that he would every month.
“Oh, dearest, don’t get your dander up.” Lydia dismissed it all with a wave of her hand. “Now, let us discuss the pool of eligible men I happen to know, and those who are actively searching for a wife. I have a few in mind for you.”
Slowly, Constance nodded, but inwardly she groaned.
I don’t know if I’m ready for that just now.
She was enjoying Gregory’s company far too much.
“Let us hope that some of them possess a sense of humor. I want no part of a life with a humorless man…” There were times when Gregory replied to her with sarcasm or in puns.
She had caught herself laughing at such random things, and then he would shoot her a grin that set her insides to fluttering.
Never had she thought she would enjoy such a life, but then, she didn’t think fate would have made her a widow so early in her marriage either.
Life was for the living.