Chapter 1 #2
“Do your worst, Oswald.” His threats had the strange result of calming her.
She shook her head. “I’m not in the least bit concerned.
My reputation precedes me, and my research and discoveries will speak for themselves.
You aren’t the only doctor searching for answers.
There are a great many other people working toward a better understanding of the brain.
And, if you’ll recall, I’ve been invited by several of those brilliant doctors to come and work with them. ”
“But with a letter from me, you will no longer be wanted. I can make it so that you can never practice medicine, much less be taken seriously in research.”
“So great is your love, Oswald.” Despite his threats, she suddenly felt sorry for him.
She had been providing him with a phase of research that had taken them in a completely different direction.
A direction that had taken other scientific teams by surprise.
She hadn’t argued when he’d gone to lecture and speak one-on-one with numerous doctors and researchers.
He had assured her that he would give her equal credit.
Over the past year, however, it was becoming more and more obvious that this wasn’t the case, and in the article, he hadn’t mentioned her at all.
He’d taken full credit for all the information.
“Don’t give me that look of pity, Carrie. I can and will do just fine without you.”
“Yes, perhaps you’ll find another adoring student to take under your wing.
Someone who is innovative and thinks in ways that go outside the normal parameters set by science.
But you’ll never really understand how my mind works.
” She turned to load several books in her bag.
“I’d rather be a librarian and never read another medical journal than live with your deceit. ”
As if he finally understood her sincerity, Oswald took another direction. He moved closer and held out his hands.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that. It’s just that . . . well, it reminded me of my father. He is always so insulting, as you know.”
Oswald’s father was also a doctor, but his field of expertise was the heart. Carrie had seen the man cut Oswald down to size on more than one occasion.
“Perhaps I can see now that he had good reason for his lack of tolerance where you are concerned.”
“You can’t mean that. You know how I’ve suffered because of him.
And you know that my love for you is undying.
I didn’t mean to upset you so. I will send a letter immediately to the journal and tell them that you were the one who discovered our findings.
We can take equal credit, and though we might not receive the attention and esteem that could have come otherwise, I’m sure we can work beyond this upset. ”
Carrie could hardly believe that he was still insisting she stay. “No, Oswald. I’m done with you. Finished. I have no feelings left for you whatsoever except bitterness and remorse for having ever allowed you in my life.”
He came around the desk and took hold of her arm. “Please let your anger go. You’ll see in the long run that this will all work out. You’ll one day make a name for yourself.”
“Yes. Yes, I will. But the name I make will be as Vogel, not Nelson. I’m not sorry to end this, Oswald. I thought I might be, but I’m not. Now release me. I want to finish collecting my things and go.”
“Those things belong to our clinic.”
“No, they don’t. I have a great many personal texts I’ve brought in from home, and they’re coming with me.
If you don’t like it, bring in the police.
I have receipts to show for everything.” She gave him a sad smile.
“Keeping files and papers on purchases as well as my research findings was something you taught me. I practice it faithfully.”
She turned and pulled a stack of books from the shelf behind her desk.
“If you have any honor left, you’ll forward the money owed me.
” She finished with the books and picked up a pen.
Writing out her father and mother’s address, she wondered for a moment if she could really return home.
She’d been gone for so long. She had tried to remain on everyone’s good side, and her parents had come to see her just last year.
They’d no doubt welcome her with open arms, but could she stay there without her work?
Her life would have little meaning without it.
“Here, this is the address of my parents in Cheyenne. Forward a bank draft there.” She pushed the paper toward his side of the desk, then closed the carpet bag.
For a moment, she wished it could be different.
She didn’t care about the engagement, but they had been doing such great research here in Chicago.
She would miss her patients and the people she had worked with.
“I know this isn’t what you want to do. I can read you like a book.”
His comment brought her out of her thoughts.
“No, you can’t. I’m written in a language you can’t even begin to comprehend.
” With that, she took up the carpet bag.
It was much too heavy, but she wasn’t about to show that to Oswald.
Instead, she moved across the office, back straight and gaze fixed on the door.
“You’ll come back. You can’t leave like this. You will miss it too much.”
Carrie kept walking, knowing that if she stopped, she might change her mind. She would miss the work. More than she wanted to admit.
“What a horrible thing to do to someone,” Rebecca Broadstreet declared as she shared a cup of tea with Carrie.
Rebecca lived with her elderly aunt and mother in the apartment next to Carrie’s.
She had heard Carrie come home, and since it was the middle of the day, she felt it her duty to investigate.
Carrie had no reason to keep the truth from Rebecca and so shared every detail, including the broken engagement.
“He’s wicked to have stolen your work.”
Carrie nursed her tea and nodded. “I should have expected it. He’s done it so many times before. Still, I thought we’d talked it through, and he was going to stop and start giving me full credit for that which was mine.”
“I suppose as a man he doesn’t feel the need to acknowledge your work. It’s probably easy to steal your thoughts and print them as his own. After all, who is going to believe a lady could be smarter than a man?”
“It’s never even been about being smarter.
I love what I do. I want to keep researching the brain so that we can fix the problems that come from disease and injury.
There are all sorts of issues that affect the brain, and if we can do research and study them out, we can find cures.
We can better understand how the brain works. Right now, it’s still such a mystery.”
“Goodness, but you are so far above me in those kinds of things.” Rebecca put her cup down and shook her head.
“I can’t imagine finding such things important, but I’m so glad that you do.
Since my mama has gotten old, she doesn’t reason at all like she did when she was younger.
Sometimes she doesn’t even know where she’s at or who I am.
If you were to figure out what caused her to forget, well, I know there are a great many people in the world who would be grateful for a cure. ”
Carrie gave her friend a smile. “There’s just so much to learn, and I know God has put me here to work in this field. I guess I just don’t know what He has in mind for me to do next.”
“Give Him time, deary. He’ll show you. He’s faithful to us that way.
Trust in Him. That’s what gets me through each day.
Sometimes, when my mama doesn’t know me, I wonder how I can possibly go on.
How can a mother forget her child? I ask myself.
But then I remind myself, she might have forgotten, but I haven’t.
She was the best of mothers and deserves the best of care. ”
“You’re a good woman, Rebecca. Your mother and her sister are blessed to have you.”
Rebecca blushed and lowered her head. “I hope you’ll find a way to help them someday.”
Carrie reached out and patted her hand. “I hope so too.”
For several long moments neither woman spoke, then at the sound of a whistle blowing from somewhere in the city, Rebecca’s head popped up, and she jumped to her feet.
“Oh goodness. It’s five o’clock. I must get supper on.
Thanks for the tea.” She moved to the door and opened it. She paused, however, and looked back.
“You’re better off without him. I’ll miss you, but going home is a good idea. I just feel it here,” she said, putting her hand over her heart. Then she left, closing the door behind her.
Carrie hoped she was right. It wasn’t that there were any real problems between her and her folks.
They all got along well enough. Carrie and her siblings were quite close.
She couldn’t really explain why she’d moved away .
. . stayed away. She supposed, in part, her reasonings had to do with the scars of the past. She loved her parents, but for all the love they’d given, Carrie still had an empty place in her heart.
How could she ever admit to that? They’d been good to her.
They had loved her as much as anyone could love another person.
Carrie had always felt safe and protected by her father and mother.
So how could she be so ungracious as to mourn the loss of something she’d never had in the first place?
At times she hated herself for feeling that way. Yet, there was always that emptiness. Always that sense of something missing that should have been there. She found herself unable to stop wondering about her birth father and mother. What might her life have been had they lived?
She heaved a sigh. “You’ve got to let it go. You are never going to know the answers to those questions. No one can possibly tell you what might have been.”
She chided herself with the same words she always used when these feelings came about.
Mama would have told her to pray about it and ask God for His guidance, but God had been the one to orchestrate it all.
He was the one with power over life and death.
He could have left her parents to raise her, but He hadn’t.
He’d taken them. He’d taken them both away from a baby, and that was something Carrie simply could not understand.
The very idea seemed cruel and unfeeling. And frankly, for all her prayers, there never seemed any comfort being offered. Of course, she would never denounce God. She believed completely in the salvation offered her through Jesus and did her best to honor the commandments He’d given.
“But I fail miserably at loving God with all my heart and soul and mind, and loving others as myself.” The whispered confession seemed to echo off the walls.
She glanced at the clock and began to gather up the tea things.
She had theater rehearsal tonight at six.
Long ago, when faced with needing to do something to take her mind off research and patient cases, Carrie had signed up for the local theater group of amateurs.
They were a fun bunch and performed for free to entertain poor children in a wide variety of plays and musicals that seemed to bring unlimited happiness.
Carrie knew she’d have to let them know she was leaving. She had no desire to stick around Chicago for any longer than she needed to. She would explain to her landlord in the morning and pack up her belongings. By this time next week, she’d be back in Cheyenne.
If only that thought would bring comfort.