Chapter 4 Grtirr
Nobody told me Julie was going to be on this trip. Avoiding her had been the reason I’d decided to volunteer in the first place.
After Chris and Julie had walked away, Krxare had approached me and quietly given me the option to step down from the mission. And a logical warrior would’ve done just that. It would’ve solved my problem. Julie would be off-planet, and I wouldn’t have to worry about avoiding her.
But the thought of her alone on the human space station was enough to have my instincts roaring and my brain making illogical decisions.
Not that she’d actually be alone; there were many people, both human and Kadrixan, with her.
But I didn’t trust any of them with her safety.
None of them would protect her the way I could.
And then there was Ashtrr.
My claws dug into my palms as I stalked down the shuttle’s aisle, checking restraints with more force than necessary. Ashtrr had given her an overly friendly smile. It was too warm and familiar, like he’d already had a claim on her. As if he knew her in an intimate way.
The thought made my blood burn.
Every year since her arrival, I sent her the same damn message: "You have not been cleared for participation in the rut." Then I locked myself in the bowels of the stronghold, in the ship’s lower decks where no one ever went, where I wouldn’t have to hear the sounds of the pleasure and rutting.
When the need became unbearable, I’d emerge, find a willing female, and do what I had to do.
They were brief, empty encounters, a means to clear my head so I would not become violent and harm those around me.
There had been no pleasure in it, at least not for me.
It was like my body somehow already knew that Julie was my mate and being with anyone else was sacrilegious.
I’d lock myself back up feeling inexplicably guilty. And if I were lucky, I’d survive the rest of the rut alone. That had been every rut ever since I’d met her. It had confused me at the time, but I understood why now.
Had Julie joined the rut anyway? Despite my messages? I hadn’t allowed myself to find out or even to question it until now.
The look she’d exchanged with Ashtrr told me that she had and had spent time with him.
The jealous and possessive thoughts burned through me, hot and ugly.
I had no right to this anger. Julie didn’t even know I was her mate.
Still didn’t. I’d spent years suppressing the bond, burying it under layers of discipline, distance, and bond-numbing drugs.
How could I participate in the rut and expect her not to?
Now, standing there with the weight of my own hypocrisy pressing down on me, I approached her launch frame.
Big greenish-brown eyes full of fire glared back at me.
But we were surrounded by her people, and there was nothing to do but check her harness and restraints. They were too loose, and I pulled them as tight as I could. She was simply too small for the frame. These frames were meant for Kadrixan soldiers, not tiny, defenseless human females.
“You are too small for this frame,” I grumbled as I yanked on the strap again.
They’d filled in the hollow spot at the back where their nonexistent wings were supposed to go with foam, but the only human who seemed to fit was Igor. To maintain safety, they’d added extra padding to every surface of the launch frame. It would have to do.
“You mean the frame is too big for me,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m the perfect size.”
When she shifted in her seat and my fingers touched her skin, I realized I was in more trouble than I’d thought.
I froze there, the blood pounding in my ears, my awareness completely focused on the spot we touched.
The suppressant was still in my system, but it was fading fast. Not realizing she was on the mission, I’d failed to take the last dose of the suppressant, planning to use it when I got back. Now that decision haunted me.
If I ever doubted the effectiveness of the suppressant, then I was about to find out just how much it had helped me these past few years. I wasn’t the only one affected either.
Julie’s eyes went wide, and her mouth dropped open.
Then, slowly, the look in her eyes changed, the fire in them turning almost sensual.
The unmistakable scent of lust filled my nostrils, and I realized I was starting to produce the telltale pheromones needed to claim her as my mate, and it was affecting her.
I tightened her harness quickly and snatched my hands away like her touch had seared my flesh.
I darted my gaze around to see if anyone else had noticed. No one had. That moment had only been between us.
I wondered if she knew how close I’d been to dropping to my knees right there in front of her.
She huffed out a breath, the look on her face changing back to anger.
“Why try to help me at all when I disgust you so much?” she asked through gritted teeth, her voice low.
It might not be enough for the other humans to hear, but the Kadrixans in the room most definitely caught it. Within moments, Ashtrr was there, shoving me out of the way with a snarl and checking the rest of her setup.
Before I could react, Trsak was there, pulling me away and down the corridor toward the bridge.
As a medic, my launch frame was usually in the corner of the room with the troops.
But with only a handful of Kadrixans on board, Krxare had explained that I’d be in the bridge, monitoring sensors and conditions since I technically outranked everyone other than Ashtrr and Trsak.
“Are we going to have problems with you on this trip? I don’t know what you have against that female, but if you start causing trouble, I will throw you into the brig and keep you there if I have to.”
“The frames do not fit the smaller humans.” I sat in my seat and reached for my own harness, even as I caught the small, distinct sound of Julie’s voice thanking Ashtrr.
I hated that she was so nice to him and so thorny to me.
“We are aware, but the simulation showed that the precautions we’ve taken will be enough.”
Fuck. It had. I remembered reading that now. But that was before I realized Julie would be one of the humans not properly strapped in.
“Why is she here?” I asked again.
“We told you, she’s here on behalf of the Ellaston Gazette.”
“What does that even mean?”
“You know that special scribe at the queen’s court whose job is to relay the information to the public? That would be Julie.”
That was a dangerous profession. She would be a target. Did she choose it just to worry me?
Ashtrr stepped onto the bridge, and the portal sealed shut behind him.
He glared at me but said nothing. Instead, he went straight to the pilot’s seat and started the checklist for liftoff. I took several deliberate breaths, trying to calm myself. Before long, we were speeding through Vokira’s stratosphere toward the vacuum of space.
It had been years since I felt that moment when the planet’s gravity released me from its hold.
It was only a few seconds before the ship’s gravity core engaged.
I scanned the screen in front of me, making sure every number and measurement was correct.
Then I double-checked the coordinates and added my approval for the autopilot to our destination.
One of us would still need to be on the bridge at any time, but if anything dangerous came up, all three would be alerted.
By the time I was stepping out of the bridge, the humans were already out of their launch frames.
Julie’s scent lingered in the air, and I instinctively followed after it.
My estimate that I had a few days left with the nullvein in my system must’ve been wrong; that was the only explanation I had for why I was compelled to follow her scent.
My feet moved on their own, bringing me closer to my destiny.
It was Ashtrr who stopped me, standing in my way with his arms crossed.
“I don’t know what you have against that sweet little female. But if you stop her from doing her job, you are going to have a problem with me.”
I shook with rage that this male was trying to defend my mate from me. Anger rose hot in my chest, and I found myself standing face-to-face with our pilot, ready to brawl.
“Who the fuck is she to you?”
“Is this because she reminds you of your sister? She isn’t Zhrya, you know. There’s no need to get protective over her.”
Zhrya. The only family I’d left behind on Kadri, and the reason why I wanted to get back there so badly. She wasn’t a secret. Many of the warriors in our battalion knew about her and how protective I was of her. I had to be. With our parents gone, I was her only protector.
And while I was overprotective of Julie as well, I harbored no brotherly feelings for her. None at all.
“This isn’t about Zhrya.”
Ashtrr’s look turned wily. “So you won’t be upset if I invite her to my quarters later?”
I couldn’t stop the venomous accusation that spilled from my lips. “You fucked her during the rut.”
“I did. What about it?”
“She wasn’t cleared for participation,” I gritted.
“Ah, so that’s it, isn’t it? This isn’t some misplaced responsibility. She rejected your advances? And now you’re upset.”
“No. She was and still is physically unfit for—”
Ashtrr laughed. “Unfit! No wonder the female dislikes you so much. Everyone on board has been thoroughly screened. I saw Julie’s name but hadn’t realized who she was.
No wonder Dana was so adamant that we do the screening with any medic except for you.
She was most definitely fit enough for the rut. ”
I lunged at him before I could stop myself, but the cocky pilot just danced out of the way with a laugh as Trsak held me back.
“Shit, Ashtrr, stop baiting him,” Trsak admonished as Ashtrr disappeared down the corridor, leaving me alone with Trsak. “What is wrong with you, Grtirr? This is not the logical medic I know. You’re acting like she’s your mate. But I know she’s not.”
I pressed my lips into a thin line to stop myself from correcting the male and laying claim to her right here.
“Don’t make us regret bringing you along,” Trsak said with a sigh. “I’ll call you when it’s your turn on the bridge.”