Chapter 4 – Aline
Chapter Four
Aline
N adia sits on the coffee table with her hands over my lower stomach. It’s difficult to go through these sessions every week.
The sizzle of her magic hits me.
I try to steel myself, but I can’t fight the excitement that comes every single time. Hope is a silly emotion. It always manages to convince me that this could be the time it finally works.
We’ve been doing this for years, and the treatments haven’t been successful yet.
It feels like a waste of her talents and my time.
“You and Atlas seem cozier than ever,” Nadia says conversationally.
Her eyes sparkle as she grins mischievously.
“I’m just saying...He’s one smoking-hot specimen of manly perfection.
Definitely at the top of the list of candidates to be impregnated by.
I mean, if I was looking to be knocked up, and he wasn’t yours. ”
My magic bristles in response, but Nadia only smiles wider.
“I will kill you,” I assure her, raising an eyebrow.
“The quickening returned this year,” she muses as her hands disappear in a swell of black smoke. It’s strange, because fertility magic is normally a lightbringer gift. It’s unusual to see a shadowborn witch with it, but we all have our secrets in Haven, so I ignore it.
There’s also the fact she’s doing me a huge favor by even attempting to repair the price of my magical backlash.
I pushed my magic too hard and it fought back, or it could be the universe exacting its price for going against the laws of nature.
I’m not really sure.
I’ve paid my magic’s price several times over the years, but the damage I caused to my womb was the final time I pressed it.
I don’t regret saving my sister and her fledgling, but that day, I was reminded of the lesson that others don’t view my power as a gift.
I shake my head, willing away the pain that fills my chest when I think of home. Nothing gets solved by wallowing in pain and misery.
“Has it come normally?” Nadia asks, reminding me of her earlier statement.
Female fae experience a period of hyper fertility known as the quickening. We often build safe spaces called nests and fill them with soft fabrics and our chosen mates. There’s a whole lot of fucking and cuddling too.
It’s a very intimate time in a fae’s life. We surround ourselves with only those we trust, and our system releases pheromones that bond us more deeply to our partners.
If the quickening doesn’t end in conception, the fae experiences a week of bleeding similar to how human women have menstruation. A good mate will coddle and tend to their partner.
It’s very clear Atlas would be a loving and doting male to allow into my nest.
“Your quickening is coming regularly again, right?” Nadia prompts, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“It has. I mean, at least as regularly as before my injury.” I glance away from her prying eyes.
It’s hard to admit, but I feel like such a failure being unable to carry children. I have no control over it, and yet, it feels like a great inadequacy on my part.
Nadia pulls her hands away, shaking off her shadows before repeating the process a few more times. “Have you invited a certain almost eight-foot-tall orc to help you through it?”
I sigh heavily, letting my head fall back against the couch. I don’t talk about my injury with anyone. Years have passed, but it’s still very raw.
Acknowledging the issue makes it real.
Nadia isn’t asking as a nosy friend. I understand that she’s asking in a medical capacity, but I’m still so bitter over what I lost.
She doesn’t even want kids, but she could certainly have them if she wished, and it makes me unnaturally resentful. She’s a friend, who’s doing me a favor by trying to help. It makes me an asshole for feeling any jealousy toward her, but I can’t control it.
I don’t resent her truly.
It’s my circumstances that are making me bitter.
“Have you invited Atlas into your nest?” Nadia repeats.
“I haven’t. You know I can’t give him what he needs.” Eventually, his system will force him to choose a mate that can give him fledglings. It wouldn’t be fair to take that step when I know I’ll never be enough.
“Atlas may be half orc, but he’s also half giant. He might never experience rut.” Nadia frowns, sliding her hands over my ovaries. “I know we’ve talked about this before, but I’ve always believed your system is capable of healing itself.”
“If that’s true, then I would have done it ages ago,” I snap, then shake my head. “I’m sorry. Truly, I didn’t mean?—”
“I know,” Nadia says, cutting me off. “But I don’t believe it’s a conscious choice.”
I give her a tight smile. “Fair enough.”
“Are we ignoring the fact that, the closer you grow to Atlas, the more your body seems to self-regulate healing itself?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “The quickening is a step in the right direction, especially after so many years of not making any progress.”
“I guess only time will tell,” I say, hoping to redirect the conversation.
In the times I previously suffered my magic’s backlash, it was always temporary. I had no way of knowing what I would sacrifice to save my sister, and it feels ridiculously spiteful of the universe to take the one thing I covet more than anything as its price.
At this point, I would trade my immortality and live as a human just to be able to experience the gift of having a child.
I’d even consider adoption if it were a thing in the monster community. Unfortunately, children are rare in the supernatural world. It would be almost unheard of for a parent to put their child up for adoption. Even in the case of death, the family would immediately step in to raise them.
Hope is a double-edged sword.
The sliver of a chance I’ll heal is what keeps me going, but if I focus too much on the ember of possibility, then I’ll drive myself crazy.
“Try to stay positive,” Nadia says, like she can read my mind. She continues working her magic before shaking out her hands again. “You can draw good things and healing to yourself using positivity.”
I give her a dubious look.
I don’t want to be a negative asshole, but being optimistic in the past has only led to soul-crushing disappointment.
“Have you noticed the council has been creeping around more and more?” Her forehead wrinkles as she focuses her shadows.
The color darkens as she pulls it from my body, shaking it away again.
I never know if that’s a good or bad sign.
“Apparently, there have been a lot of monsters going missing from Haven. You know Kash?”
“Yeah.”
One of her regulars is an agent with the paranormal council. I’ve done my best to avoid him for obvious reasons, but I know who she’s talking about. He’s a warlock in his early thirties. He’s decent looking, but from the little I’ve seen of his personality, that part is severely lacking.
I’ve never spoken to him directly, and I’m grateful for that. He gives me a creepy feeling any time I see him.
“I normally see him once every two or three months, but he already rebooked for next week, since he’s in town investigating.” She shrugs, blowing a long, wavy brown hair out of her face.
Ice slides through my veins as my magic pulses with my panic. Having the paranormal council focused on Haven is especially dangerous for me.
“Did you feel that?” Nadia smiles so widely it takes over her entire face. “I think your magic is reacting to mine. Maybe we’re getting somewhere.”
I blow out a breath, desperately trying to get myself under control. There’s no way she could know her words send an instant thrum of pure terror through my system.
She really is a good friend.
I’m the awful one in this situation. I’m keeping secrets from everyone I know. On top of that, I’m jealous of the freedom she has to make her own choices while she’s busy trying to help me heal so that I can make my own.
“Yeah, let’s hope so.” I force a smile, but my hands shake. It would be a nightmare to stumble across an agent who knows me. The chances are low, though not impossible.
The only saving grace is there are no cameras or photography in Faere.
Many fae females have similar features to mine.
Vivie is a perfect example. She may have a more reddish-blonde hair color than my pinkish-blonde, but our other features are very close to one another.
There’s no way someone could know for sure, unless they saw me in the fae realm and cared enough to remember.
“Anyway, I think that’s about all I can do today.” Nadia shakes out her hands a final time. Her shadows immediately pull into her skin.
“Thank you,” I tell her sincerely.
“Ohmigod, girl, stop,” she says, standing.
“I’m telling you. One of these days something is going to click, or we’ll break through that wall with your magic, and the next thing you know, you’ll be as big as a bus, all filled up with little half-giant, half-orc babies.
” She swipes a hand through the air. “And some of your DNA in there too.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. That’s the stuff my dreams are made of.
I lean against the wall on the ground floor of the main gambling room later the same day. It’s a wide-open space lined with tables and machines. It’s crowded, but that’s not unusual. The high roller rooms are more subdued, but the energy here is contagious.
“Did you see it?” Charity asks. She practically vibrates with excitement as she comes to stand at my side.
“See what?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
The Den is packed tonight, and none of the owners are around. Big surprise. With Emerson in the mix, I’d find it more shocking if they were actually here.
“Dread claimed Emerson in front of the entire club,” Charity says, fanning herself. “Gods, I know I’ll never get lucky enough to have a hellhound for a mate, but that shit was insanely hot.” She gives me a goofy smile. “Like, the dirtiest, most intense fucking I’ve seen in years.”
My lips roll together as I try to hold back a laugh. It didn’t take long for him to follow my advice.