Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Was he always doomed to be a disappointment? To his parents? To Lacey? To himself?
Mack raked a hand through his hair as he sat at the kitchen table.
He’d only just left her apartment. It was late.
Everyone was asleep, and yet his own nerves wouldn’t stop buzzing.
The way she’d looked at him—he’d known that she was hiding something.
He’d seen all the ways Lacey was capable of shutting someone out.
It was more than simply pushing him out the door or refusing to take his calls. She’d needed to say something, and she’d refused. Whatever it was, he knew it would fester until it inevitably came between them.
He couldn’t let that happen.
Shoving his hands into his hair again, he rested his elbows on the table. How was he going to get her to open up to him? Why couldn’t she see that she wasn’t alone anymore? Maybe she didn’t trust him.
Which was why he kept coming back to the same old thought.
He’d always be a disappointment.
“Mack? What are you doing up?”
Inwardly, Mack groaned. His mother meant well.
He knew it. She’d only ever wanted the best for him—for all her children.
The fact that her desires didn’t translate well to him was only a minor issue in the grand scheme of things.
She loved him. She simply wasn’t thrilled that he wasn’t meeting his full potential.
Lifting his head, he peered at her through the darkened kitchen until she flicked on a light. He winced. “I think the proper question would be what are you doing up? I never went to bed.”
She studied him from where she stood by the doorway, a frown marring her usually serene features. Then she approached and pulled out a chair. “A mother always knows when something isn’t right.”
Lacey probably had a similar intuition.
His mother placed a hand on his upper arm. “What’s bothering you? Why haven’t you gone to sleep?”
Based on the way she’d reacted when she found out he was interested in a woman who already had a child, he wasn’t ready to hear her judgment for when she learned that he was floundering in a relationship he wanted so desperately to work out.
His jaw tightened, and he looked anywhere but at his mother. “Just… life.” That was about as descriptive as he was willing to get—especially with his mother.
She didn’t move. He didn’t have to look at her to know that she wasn’t taking what he was putting down. It was only a matter of time before she told him to just spit it out.
But she didn’t do any such thing.
“Is this about that woman you’re seeing?”
He stiffened against his will, giving himself away.
His mother sighed. “Sweetheart, you need to be careful.”
Mack shot her a disgruntled look. Whatever it was she was about to say, he knew it wasn’t going to be good.
She pursed her lips together and sighed again. “Do you really think you’re ready for the responsibilities…” Her eyes darted away, and she clasped her hands together in front of her on the table. “Babysitting a child is very different than raising one.”
His back went rod-iron straight. “Are you saying that I shouldn’t be dating her because I’m not ready to be a father?”
She didn’t have to say a single thing. The truth was written all over her face. He couldn’t tell if the ache in his chest was from that knowledge alone, or a combination of believing Lacey might be feeling the same way.
He rubbed at the spot over his heart with a vengeance, fighting the urge not to yell at her or start an argument that he wouldn’t be able to win.
“I know you’ll be ready when the time comes?—”
“What if that time is now?” he blurted.
Her expression didn’t change one bit. Nor did she respond to his question. “It’s not just that, honey. I’ve been thinking a lot. And how much do you really know this woman? She’s so young. And she’s alone. What would stop her from using you?”
He wouldn’t have been more shocked if his mother had slapped him clear across the face.
Maybe this was his fault. Maybe he should have brought Lacey by sooner so she could interact with his family.
If his mother had actually gotten to know her, she would have never made such an assumption.
“She’s not like that,” Mack snapped. “She’s almost too independent. It’s actually infuriating.”
His mother offered him a patient smile, one that only added to his frustration. “All I’m suggesting is that you be careful. Not everyone has your heart.”
He shot out of his seat. “My heart? Are you serious? You can’t tell me that you think I’m a good person while at the same time lecturing me on my choices. I know I’m not the pride and joy that Caleb is. And I’m definitely not your baby who could do no wrong like Noah.”
Out of nowhere, the memories from his teenage years came at him in an onslaught of frustration, betrayal, and embarrassment. His life had been torture for a good month when he’d been in high school as everything regarding his girlfriend had gotten sorted.
And he couldn’t help but wonder if his mother was thinking about that situation right now.
No. He wouldn’t allow her to drag him through those experiences again. He’d put it behind him. So had everyone in town. The gossip mill had moved onto something entirely different—just not as quickly as he’d hoped.
His hands clenched into fists as he glowered at his mother.
“I might be concerned about my relationship right now, but it’s not for any of the reasons you just brought up.
I’m not going to let those concerns come between us.
I care about her, Mom. More than I’ve cared about anyone.
” He let out a sharp laugh. “I might even love her.”
If she was surprised by his confession, it didn’t show. Slowly, she got to her feet. Her small smile was all that she offered him before she gave his arm a squeeze and moved to the cupboard to get herself a glass.
Mack strode out of the room, his irritation nearly boiling over into something more dangerous.
He wasn’t about to let his mother get to him—to put those kinds of doubts into his head.
Lacey would never manipulate someone into helping her raise her son.
It had taken a lot of convincing to get her to even let him meet Bridger.
She didn’t ask for help. Something told him that it had taken a lot out of her to ask him to babysit Bridger that one time—and she only relented because Bridger had pushed her to it.
He made it to his room, and the temptation to slam his door was almost too great. Thankfully, he still had a level head. He needed to do something—anything to help make him feel as though he was in control.
Pulling out his phone, he opened his messages. Without giving it any more thought, he sent off a text to Lacey.
Mack : Maybe you should take Bridger out of afterschool daycare.
He waited for several minutes. Lacey hadn’t exactly looked tired when he’d left. In fact, Mack was certain that she had just wanted to avoid the conversation he’d wanted to have with her.
Then again, he could have been wrong. He nearly put the phone aside to get ready for bed when the screen lit up.
Lacey : He needs afterschool care when I’m working.
Mack : Let me do it.
Once again, she left him hanging. He could already imagine the surprise on her face.
This would be a difficult argument to win.
There wasn’t a good chance he’d win her over to his side of things—at least not tonight.
He just wanted to get the idea in her head.
Slowly but surely, he’d wear her down just like he had when he convinced her to go out with him.
When the message came through, he had to sit up a little straighter and rub his eyes to ensure that he wasn’t seeing things.
Lacey: Are you sure?
Without waiting another second, he shot off his response. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he wanted to take this next step. He liked Bridger. No, that wasn’t exactly correct. What he felt for that boy went beyond like or even love. He’d die for that kid if he had to.
Mack : I’ve never been surer about anything in my life.
He waited again, scrubbing his jaw as he watched the bubbles appear indicating she was typing. They disappeared then showed up again several more times. By the time her response came through, he was on his feet, pacing.
Lacey : I think Bridger would love that.
Mack let out a whoop and shot his fist into the air. But then another message populated the screen.
Lacey : But I think I’ll still stay on their list for backup. Bridger’s daycare is really flexible after school. If you want to watch him, you’re welcome to.
Mack frowned at the message, telling himself not to be disappointed.
He’d still made strides with Lacey. Even last week she wouldn’t have given him that much trust. This was the step that he’d needed to take.
Proof not only to Lacey and his mother—but also to himself—that he was on a path worthy of himself.
He didn’t have to prove anything to anyone. He knew that in his heart.
Even still, he was going to revel in the knowledge that he had finally found his place, and he was moving forward in his life.
A chuckle came from behind Mack as he watched Bridger from the sidelines. Normally he would be in the corral with the kid, making sure he wasn’t going to fall. But Bridger only continued to improve. He hadn’t lost his grip on the reins or the saddle once since he’d started his lessons.
Turning, Mack found Caleb at his back. His older brother watched Bridger with interest and amusement before turning his gaze on Mack. “You’re really good at that, you know.”
“It’s not hard. The kid is fun to hang out with.”
“I didn’t mean you were good at being a father-figure—though you are.” Caleb climbed into the corral and stood beside his brother. “Teaching. You’re good at teaching kids to ride.”
Mack shot a look over at Bridger. He hadn’t thought about it like that before. All he saw was the joy he got from spending time with him. But now that he thought about it, he could see that some of that joy came from the lessons themselves. It was an intriguing concept, to say the least.
“If the rodeo doesn’t work out, you might have something to fall back on.”
Mack swung his eyes back to his brother. “Maybe I would like teaching more.”
He wasn’t surprised to see the knowing smile on his brother’s face.
Caleb had known what he was doing when he mentioned the teaching as an option.
It would be a decent career choice. Mack had always been good on a horse.
Every summer they came here, he’d spent every waking moment in the saddle.
It had been difficult to get him to spend time with the kids in town.
Except that one summer.
He pushed aside that memory and turned to Caleb with a different intention. “Can I ask you something?”
Caleb nodded, not pulling his gaze from Bridger. “Go for it.”
“Do you think… I mean, you got to know Lacey a little bit when she met Sammie.”
This time Caleb turned to face him, curiosity piqued.
Heat seared the back of Mack’s neck, and he glanced away, hating that he was even asking this. “Mom said something that made me wonder. Do you think it would be at all possible that Lacey would manipulate someone—like me?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Never mind,” Mack blurted. It shouldn’t matter what anyone else thought or felt but him.
“Are you talking about Bridger? Like… Lacey would be using you to benefit her son?”
Mack shrugged, staring out at Bridger with squinted eyes.
“What do you think?” Caleb asked.
He whirled to look at his brother. “I think it was too dang hard to get her to trust me to watch him in the first place.”
Caleb nodded. “Me too.”
“How would you know?”
One side of his brother’s mouth quirked upward. “Sammie’s been going stir crazy at home with the baby. Your love life is all she seems to want to talk about.”
Mack grinned. He hadn’t known Lacey was confiding in Sammie as much as she was. But then, he’d never really asked. “Well, it’s only gonna get better.”