18. James
JAMES
K eeping my distance from Erin was much harder than I’d expected. Especially when I watched Abby and Marley in her presence, like right now.
Despite her protests, we’d made a deal that she’d stay with us for another week, giving me time to find something more suitable and more permanent for her to move into, but my time was running out.
We settled into a weird dance of friendly roommates. And I did everything I could to suppress my instinct to pull her into my arms again and kiss her senseless, or better yet, throw her over my shoulder, carry her up to my room, and ravage her until she screamed my name.
Ever since I’d told her about the background check and her car, she’d been distant and guarded.
And eager to move out.
We went and talked to Bailey about the tampering, and he told us straight up that it looked like someone had manipulated the line. Granted, her car had been a piece of shit. But the weakened line and consecutive burst were induced by a small cut.
She took that information with a poker face, unlike any I’d ever seen. Her non-reaction told me she knew who was behind it or at least had her suspicions.
Though Bailey assured us that nobody could know exactly when or where the brakes would fail.
But that didn’t matter. Somebody wanted her injured or dead.
And she didn’t share who.
Which made me furious.
I’d studied her file. Contacted the PI to have him deepen the investigation. There had been an ex-boyfriend. I was still waiting for info on him, though all of my instincts screamed at me it was taking too long.
After the conversation with Bailey, she spent little time at home and as much time as she could at Alan and Jessie’s, or in town.
She’d settled in, made friends, and worked her way into the heart of our community at lightning speed.
Like she’d worked her way into mine.
I saw her once or twice through the window having breakfast at the Black Cat Cafe. Meeting Jessie or the other girls.
Having fun. Living.
Those were the times when doubt set in. My need to protect her felt like an obsession even when she’d made it clear she wanted distance.
I needed to move on like she had.
I looked up when I heard my girls squeal. They’d settled into the living room on the floor by the fire with Abby and Marley’s favorite book.
I watched them from the kitchen while I was cooking spaghetti with meatballs—Marley’s favorite—and tossed together a quick salad.
And like every time I watched them play or talk, I could taste the palpable longing on the tip of my tongue to have her, to make her mine, to make her part of our family.
How would it be to spend Christmas with her? To have her smile at me when she opened the present I got for her? Or when she’d admired the girls’ presents?
Her soft, melodic voice had the twin in a trance. They’d never had that—someone filling in as a mother figure—taking time and interest in them.
Their giggles made my heart heavy and soar at the same time.
I promised her space. Promised to give her time, and that’s what I was doing.
Even though it was slowly killing me.
I missed the way I felt when I was with her.
Understood, seen, and worthy.
How long could I keep going on telling myself I was playing the long game until she would come around? How long could I keep on keeping my distance, waiting, watching, and falling in love?
Wait, what?
My wooden spoon cluttered to the floor, and Erin looked over her shoulder at me—one eyebrow raised in question. I didn’t need to hear her voice to know exactly what she was thinking. Are you okay? Do you need anything?
I shook my head, then exhaled.
Falling in love.
I was falling in love.
More every day.
It was completely irrational. I didn’t know her. Didn’t know about her past, her dreams, or her life plans. Just knew how she made me feel when I was with her—lighter, more carefree, and protective at the same time. She allowed me to be vulnerable, to be open. Somehow she could see through all the layers and see the real me. Accept the real me. Appreciate the real me. Her presence made me want to show up as the best version of myself.
Do better.
Be better.
But I had no clue how she was feeling. If she was feeling anything more than friendship and camaraderie for me.
Well, since she wanted to cool things off, and given the distance she’d created, she probably wanted nothing to do with me.
So I had my answer even though it wasn’t the one I’d like to hear.
I shook my head, chuckled about my idiocy.
Jumping the gun, much?
And even if she hadn’t retreated. What if we gave this attraction between us a chance? There would’ve been a decent chance of it not working out. And by then, the girls would’ve been used to her, would’ve loved her.
If Erin would leave then, it wouldn’t only break my heart, but the girls’ hearts, as well.
Maybe it was better this way. It was time to create some mental distance of my own. To settle into the idea of a friendship.
Hadn’t I learned that lesson already?
You couldn’t force someone to stay. To love. To prioritize you over everything else.
I shook off all those unwanted feelings muddling my thoughts.
It was time to move on.
Not only in my actions but also to squash those inner hopes and dreams.
I just had to tell her—set her free.
I’d hired Jackson, an old teammate of Peter and Blake, who’d just moved here and started a construction company in town, to have a look at the old farmhouse I owned. And when Jackson had come back with the all-clear yesterday, I’d cleaned up the place and fixed what needed fixing—with the help of my parents. Talk about a couple of hours of discomfort and more raised eyebrows and unasked questions than I cared for.
But the house was close to Alan’s, so she could just cross over to go to work. And Alan could keep an eye on her.
Though she would be too far away for my comfort.
At least she wouldn’t need to use her car, even though it was in tiptop shape now—after Bailey fixed it.
Which caused our second big fight. The first one was when I bought her a new car—which she refused straight out and chewed me out on. She accused me of overstepping, trying to run her life, which she did not appreciate.
At all.
I grinned at the memory. At least then the emptiness in her eyes had been replaced by fire.
I gave her that one and backed off. No new car for her. But if she’d thought I would let her drive around in that safety risk of a car, she’d been thoroughly mistaken. I had it overhauled by Bailey—not the cosmetics but everything else.
And when she’d found out, she’d stormed into my mayor’s office and wanted a fucking payment plan—in writing—which I refused straight out. The way she was panting, leaning against my desk, growling at me.
It took every inch of strength to hold back, to not grab her and take her right there against my desk.
She’d sensed my desire, my self-control, hanging on by a thread. I could see it in her eyes, the way her gaze swept over my body. The way she closed her eyes, sighed, then shook her head and left without another word.
That fight had led to us being at the impasse we were right now. And we’d avoided the topic of her car altogether.
Even though nothing was solved.
Somebody wanted her brakes to fail.
Somebody wanted her car to crash.
Somebody wanted her injured, or dead.
And she refused to talk to me about it.
Moon Lake was reasonably safe. Everyone in town knew to look out for her. She was now one of us. And the people of Moon Lake looked out for each other. A stranger asking for her would be a red flag and would set the chain in motion.
But I should talk to Peter and Richard about it. Get them clued in and alert.
It wasn’t my place to do so. I was overstepping again. But for fuck’s sake, if she wouldn’t look out for herself, I would do it.
While keeping my distance.
For now.