20. Erin
ERIN
I sat down in the storage and rec room behind Alan’s office, pulled out my packed breakfast burrito and was immediately thrown back to the first morning after Bob’s attack.
James had turned his protectiveness and nurturing up by several notches.
That morning, he made me breakfast in bed, then didn’t allow me to eat it; instead, he fed me one delicious bite at a time, which made me feel pampered and cared for. All the while, he devoured me with his gaze and told me about what would be happening with Bob at the same time. He would hopefully get jail time, and James intended to pull some strings to talk to the fire investigator who handled the case, as well.
At first, it had completely thrown me—those mixed messages he’d been sending—looking at me like he wanted to kiss me, then making small talk and keeping his distance. But his self-control these last two weeks had given us the chance to really get to know each other.
To connect on a much deeper level.
It showed me that he respected my wish to cool things off and made me forget why I’d even been wanting that in the first place.
If I was being totally honest, it made me fall head over heels in love with him. I missed his kisses—missed the added intimacy a physical relationship could provide. Crazy, since I was the one who’d suggested being intimate had been a mistake.
I took a bite, and the perfect mixture of scrambled eggs and spicy potatoes hit my tongue. James was the king of breakfast. And a far better cook than me.
“Got one for me in there?” Alan stepped inside and took the chair next to mine.
I smiled, grabbed the one James had packed for Alan, and handed it to him.
“You have to give it to him. He’s amazing in the kitchen,” Alan said before he took a hearty bite.
I nodded and smiled. “Yes, he’s pretty awesome.” And not only in the kitchen. Every time I watched him with Abby and Marley, I was a more convinced of how amazing a father he was.
Even though being a parent to those girls wasn’t really a hardship. Abby and Marley were beyond sweet. We’d bonded more over the last two weeks than I ever could’ve imagined. Bonded? I scoffed. I’d been falling head over heels for those two girls, and we made sure we spent some quality playtime together every day.
Yesterday it had been building blocks—Marley’s choice—and today, Abby would get to decide. They even offered for me to choose tomorrow. That was how well-behaved they were.
Though tomorrow was Christmas Eve, so I was pretty sure James had plans for him and the girls.
I really needed to move out, and stop imposing on them.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Alan asked before taking another bite.
“I was just thinking about Abby and Marley,” I said. I didn’t intend to air my complicated relationship with James to my boss. “I really need to move out.”
Alan nodded. “Did Jessie ever tell you our story?”
I shook my head.
“Well. She was down on her luck, and Seb was just a newborn, and things were tough.”
“For her?”
He grinned. “For both of us.
“See, I longed for a family. Hated being alone in this house.”
“So you fell in love with her?”
He chuckled, then nodded. “After I forced her to move in with me.”
I raised a single eyebrow.
“Don’t give me that look. I was just looking out for her and Seb. And then I fell in love with them both.”
The smile he gave me was such an authentic portrayal of a man completely at peace and in love with his family, all I could do was smile back.
“Though we had some hiccups. It took us quite some time to find a way to communicate with each other.” He smiled at the memories. “But it turned into the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though I nearly blew it by not telling her.”
He fell silent and looked at me.
I raised my eyebrow in question.
“Oh, don’t give me that look. You’re in love with James, and the girls, aren’t you?”
I sucked in air. Was it that obvious?
“I only have one advice to give, and trust me, I leaned it the hard way. If you want the life you’ve always dreamed of, you have to take some risks and go after what you want. And you need to tell him.”
I nodded.
“Don’t wait too long,” he said, then took his last bite, then got up.
I was sitting there stunned. And at the same time, a calm settled inside of me.
Alan was right. I wanted James, and I wanted to be a mother to the girls. And waiting wouldn’t change anything.
My phone, on the table next to me, rang, and I picked it up.
James—just the man I was thinking about. The man I was falling in love with. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.