Chapter 16 #2
A glimmer of surprise crossed her face. I assumed it was caused by the change in my hair, but I couldn’t be certain.
Perhaps she didn’t notice such small details about me the way I noticed the small details about her.
She had changed her gown from the one she had worn in the Pump Room earlier that morning.
Now she wore pale yellow with a matching straw bonnet and a thin gold necklace at her throat.
She followed me to the garden where two easels, paints, and a small refreshment table awaited us.
I directed her aunt to the bench against the garden wall, as far from the rose bushes as possible. It was also farther from where Miss Sharp and I would be working on our paintings—but I hadn’t objected to that.
“I’m afraid I must ask you to teach me,” I said as I lifted my brush, mixing water with my blue paint. “I have never used watercolor before.”
Miss Sharp stood across from me, just her eyes and nose peeking out from above her canvas. “Nor have I.”
I nearly dropped my brush. “What?”
She continued to hide her face behind her canvas, but I couldn’t allow that. I marched forward. She stepped back in surprise as I appeared beside her.
“You told me you enjoyed watercolor. That is the only reason I purchased these supplies.” I crossed my arms, casting her a look of suspicion.
I knew she had been pretending to have expensive taste, but I had assumed that of all the ridiculous things she had listed, her love of watercolor was genuine.
Was there anything genuine about her? I stopped myself.
I was the worst hypocrite alive to judge her.
The only thing genuine about me at the moment was my hair arrangement.
She blinked up at me, but the shocked expression only lasted a few seconds longer before it was replaced with a scowl. “You told me that you had two sisters. You never mentioned a brother.”
My chest deflated. I took a step back. I had hoped she wouldn’t remember that conversation. My words evaded me. I kicked a few blades of grass in front of my boot before taking a deep breath. “You’re right. I did neglect to mention him.”
“Why?”
I paused. Colin had told me himself that he had kept my existence a secret from all his new acquaintances since my scandal in Derbyshire. He had lost respect for me years before, and now he used me to do his bidding. I tried to imagine what Colin would say, and I finally found the words.
“I am ashamed of him.” A jolt of pain struck my heart.
“He nearly ruined our family with his poor decisions. I rarely see him now, but when I do, we are not nearly as close as we once were.” I couldn’t meet Miss Sharp’s gaze.
All of it was true, but I had never said it aloud.
Colin had put distance between us in order to protect his own reputation as well as our mother’s, Eloise’s, and Sally’s.
It was easy to blame him for how we had grown apart, but I had been the one to make the mistake that had led to it.
Miss Sharp was silent for a long moment, and the air was still enough for me to hear the buzzing of the bees by the rose bushes. “Mrs. Wickerton mentioned a scandal involving your brother.”
“Scandals are her favorite subject.” I managed a small smile. “She speaks of little else.”
“I won’t ask for the details.” Miss Sharp squinted against the sunlight. “But I am sure he regrets the distress it caused.”
“He does.” I swallowed. The gentleness in her voice only deepened the ache in my heart.
I wished I could tell her who I was. But I knew that the moment I did, she would hate me forever.
She would fully believe that I was the scoundrel I had just described, and she would be right.
Even if my deceit didn’t drive her away, my circumstances would.
For reasons of her own, she desired money, and I couldn’t give her that.
“Your brother sounds a bit like mine.” The quiet confession fell from Miss Sharp’s lips.
Her gaze fell away just as quickly. “He has made mistakes that I find difficult to forgive. But I still love him and wish for his happiness.” She picked up her paintbrush swiftly, seemingly searching for a distraction.
She ran the clean bristles over her palm.
“I wish more for his happiness than my own.” A pained smile touched her lips, but she still didn’t look at my face.
“He is fortunate to have such a kind sister,” I said.
She glanced up. “And your brother is fortunate to have you.”
Her words echoed in my mind. Perhaps I should have been more grateful to Colin for saving me from my younger self.
As unfair as it was, I was not entitled to any of the fortune that he had inherited by being born twelve minutes sooner, yet he had still shared it when I had gambled too freely or caused other forms of trouble.
I deserved the torment of the debt I was repaying.
The feelings I had for Miss Sharp were real, and they were growing rapidly.
Yet I could not have her. Once she knew the truth, she would leave me faster than I had left Miss Merrick.
I had no right to pity myself or the situation.
“Are you a great deal older than your brother?” Miss Sharp asked, interrupting my thoughts.
Twelve minutes was not a great deal at all. My heart pounded, and I dreaded the lie I would have to tell. If she knew we were twins, she might draw too many conclusions. So I kept my answer vague. “We are similar in age.”
“How similar?”
“Less than two years.” It wasn’t a lie.
Miss Sharp seemed satisfied with that answer, and I breathed a sigh of relief as she turned her attention back to her painting.