Chapter 27 #2
“It matters to me.” Clark’s blue eyes looked far too sad. I could hardly meet his gaze. “If I knew that you wanted me?—”
“I do want you.” The words spilled out before I could stop them.
“Is that what you wish to hear? That I want you, but I cannot have you? It is painful! It is horribly painful to want you even though you tricked me, and to want you when I am not in a position to choose you.” I could still hear the music somewhere behind us, softened now beneath the rustle of leaves and the uneven beat of my own heart.
“I fell in love with you too.” I tried to breathe, but the look on Clark’s face stole the breath from my lungs entirely.
He walked forward in three long strides.
I knew what he intended to do, and like a senseless fool, I met him halfway.
His lips found mine in the dark, his hands surrounding my face.
He tugged me forward by the waist, his breath catching.
That tiny sound undid me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him until I couldn’t breathe.
He pulled back roughly to look in my eyes, pausing for a heartbeat before he dipped his head to my neck, his lips dragging across my skin as he trailed kisses to the edge of my jaw.
My breath came in quiet gasps as my longing for him swiftly outran my caution.
A shiver ran across every inch of my skin, bursting outward with every touch of his lips.
My head felt light, my legs weak beneath me.
“Arabella,” he murmured close to my ear. My name sounded different in his mouth just then, guarded and full of regret. He rested his forehead briefly against mine, breathing unevenly, as though he was trying to remember something important. Perhaps he knew as I did that we should not be doing this.
I met his gaze in the dark. Tears sprang to my eyes.
I didn’t want to say goodbye, and I didn’t want this moment to be over.
Not yet. Before he could step away, I took his face in my hands, pulling his mouth back to mine.
I felt the moment his restraint weakened, a deep groan coming from the back of his throat.
He kissed me deeply, slowly, and we stumbled blindly toward the shadows of the hedges.
He pressed me against them, his hands on my hair.
I should have been thinking of how dangerous this was, how reckless and selfish, but how could I think at all when Clark was kissing me like this?
My thoughts were completely scattered. In the distance, I heard the fireworks thundering through the sky while Clark’s mouth moved against mine with an urgency that made my head spin.
There was something very important I was failing to remember, and it grated against my mind.
When I finally did remember, I tore my lips from Clark’s, a sudden awareness of my surroundings crashing over my shoulders.
We were hidden from view, but not entirely.
My throat tightened with emotion as I stared up at Clark’s face, his soft eyes, and the lips I had just so thoroughly kissed.
And then a confession slipped out of my mouth. “I am going to ensnare Sir William tonight.”
Clark’s hands fell from my waist. “Ensnare?”
“Kate and I have a plan. It is the only way to secure him quickly enough.”
Clark was silent. Did he agree that it was necessary? Part of me hoped, desperately, that he would convince me not to do it, but he remained quiet.
I looked at his cravat instead of his face. “I would have tried to court him the traditional way, but because of the time I spent with you, I have little left. What else can be done in so short a time?”
Clark stepped back, a deep scowl on his brow. “Perhaps there’s a way,” he said in a gruff voice. I could see how it tortured him to think of me tucked away in these same gardens with Sir William. “Would your brother not pay the loan if he knew the danger Frederick was in?”
I shook my head fast. “He wouldn’t care. Even if he did, he doesn’t have the money to spare.”
“I could obtain my own loan in order to repay his.” He looked up, his features tight with determination. “Perhaps with Colin’s recommendation, a creditor would grant me the sum.”
I covered my face with my hands and turned around. “You cannot. This is not your burden to bear.”
“It is my burden.” I heard him walk up behind me, and then I felt his breath rustle against the back of my neck. “If it means that I can’t be with you.”
I drew a deep, shaky breath and turned to face him. “You may try to find a way, but I cannot waste any more time. I must do what I can for Frederick on my own.”
“Don’t try to ensnare William tonight. Please. I will think of something.”
I studied his face. Could I trust him? His entire ruse had started because Colin had been trying to keep me away from Sir William and other men whose fortunes I might pursue. How did I know for certain that he wasn’t leading me astray again?
In his eyes, I saw the reflection of the lanterns behind us. Every feature of his face cried out in sincerity.
I believed him.
My heart thudded, but I gave a small nod. Even if I didn’t ensnare Sir William that evening, I would still have to find him. He had asked me to meet him there. I wasn’t in a position to reject his attention, so I would encourage it as well as I could.
“Very well,” I said in a broken whisper.
“I won’t ensnare him.” I couldn’t promise anything more.
Clark understood that—I could tell from the fragments of pain in his eyes.
I touched his chest, meaning to push myself away, but my hands curled around the fabric instead.
My heart raced with longing. I didn’t want to let go.
“We ought to return before someone notices your absence,” he said softly.
“You say that as though you intend to escort me back.”
His mouth curved faintly, though there was strain beneath it. His fingers traced my chin, and then he pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I held his jacket tightly and counted to three. And then I let go.
I left the cover of the hedges first, composing myself with several deep breaths as I located Aunt Julia on the lawn.
She was still with Colin. He glanced up at my approach, an obvious tension releasing from his shoulders.
Aunt Julia had likely been prattling on about the waters of the Roman Baths and how they had already made improvements to her health.
It had been her favorite subject besides my courtship to the man whom she believed to be standing in front of her.
“There you are.” She blinked up at me as if the passage of time had escaped her entirely. I glanced at the bench by the path, expecting to see Clark stepping out from the shadows. He wasn’t there.
Colin excused himself, setting off in no particular direction, and then Aunt Julia grabbed my arm.
“Mr. Campbell wished to ask where I acquired this necklace. He wants to purchase a similar one for his mother. Is that not so very thoughtful?” She clutched the pendant with a distant smile, as if she were still living in the moment that had just passed.
I couldn’t blame her. I was doing the same thing…
and I feared I would be for a very long time.
“Did you see the fireworks?” Aunt Julia looked toward the sky above the sham castle, a folly built on the hills beyond the gardens.
I couldn’t tell her why I had missed the display, so I gave a faint nod.
“You seem quite unimpressed.” She pursed her lips again. “But that does seem to be happening often.”
It was clear that she was referring to Mr. Campbell.
I held my chin high, choosing not to react.
I didn’t dare imagine the gasp that would escape Aunt Julia if I told her the entire story.
It was better that she believe I had been courting Colin all along—and that I hadn’t fallen in love with his twin—and most certainly that I hadn’t just been kissing him in the gardens.
Relief flooded my stomach as I caught sight of Kate. She wore a pale pink gown, a large white feather sticking straight out of her honey-hued curls. Without a word to Aunt Julia, I started in her direction, tapping softly on the back of her arm.
She jumped, whirling around to face me. “Arabella! Where have you been?”
I linked my arm through hers, walking as quickly as I could toward the entrance of another garden path. “I cannot do it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I cannot ensnare him tonight. We mustn’t go through with the plan.”
Kate’s delicate brows lifted. “What changed your mind?”
I bit my lip.
Her eyes darkened menacingly. “It wasn’t Clark Campbell, was it?”
“He wants to obtain a loan and repay Mr. Russell on Freddy’s behalf. He has promised me that he will try.”
Kate put a gloved hand to her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut. “How do you believe a word that man says?”
“I love him.” The truth behind the words settled deep in my heart, and I repeated it with more conviction. “I love him, Kate. I can’t ensnare Sir William tonight without knowing if Clark might succeed in obtaining the money.”
Kate’s disapproval was obvious, but something in her expression had softened. “You truly do love him.”
“I do. And I am fully aware of how stupid I am for it.”
A smile overtook her lips, but there was a sad twist to her features. “That certainly does complicate matters. Even if he does obtain the loan, how do you suppose he will pay it back? You will marry, and the two of you will be destitute for years.”
My spinning thoughts settled, and I realized that she was right.
I had only been thinking of the immediate solution to the problem of the forged note.
Two thousand pounds would take a very long time for a new solicitor to repay.
The hope in my chest faded into a wisp of smoke.
“I am still going to try to court Sir William. But I cannot ensnare him yet.” I shook my head fast. “If necessary, we might enact our plan a different time.”
Kate exhaled slowly, looking down at the grass. “I’m afraid I’ll be unable to assist you at any later date.” She met my gaze, her eyes heavy. “I am leaving Bath tomorrow.”
I gasped. “So soon? Why?” She had mentioned returning home to be with her husband, but I hadn’t thought she would be leaving so abruptly.
“Mr. Ollerton has called me home.” She twisted her fingers together in front of her. “I cannot refuse him this time.”
“Is something amiss?”
Kate shook her head. “He has not shared the details…only that the matter is urgent.” She took my hand. “I wish I could stay and see this all settled for you.”
My entire body felt limp and weak. How could I do this without Kate?
She had been my instructor, my confidant, and my dearest friend throughout my entire stay in Bath.
“I understand. Thank you for all you have done to assist me. I daresay I have relied far too heavily on you. I must learn to manage on my own.”
Kate’s eyes glistened. “Oh, Arabella. You do far too much on your own already. But Clark Campbell is your confidant now. I hope he will lead you and Freddy to safety.” She paused.
“I hope he can achieve what I could not.” Her smile was pained, but she wrapped her arms around me.
I held her tight, a lump forming in my throat.
“You were wise not to fall in love,” I muttered over her shoulder. “It is quite a helpless feeling.”
Kate pulled back, a weak smile on her lips. “I believe that is why it is referred to as falling. I should rather like to descend gracefully.”
I reflected on her words. Perhaps that was what would happen to me and Sir William. If he did propose to me and we married, I might eventually learn to love him. “Have you? With Mr. Ollerton?” I asked.
Kate hesitated. “It might be easier if he didn’t call me away from my friend so suddenly.”
I managed to laugh, even despite all the nerves in my stomach.
“But I am not leaving until tomorrow,” Kate said in a firm voice. “I can still help you find Sir William tonight.”
I thanked her with a smile, and I resolved not to look in the direction of the white bench by the hedges ever again.
If I saw Clark, I might lose what little strength I had left.
With Kate as my guide for the last time, she led me in a circle around the perimeter of the grass until we spotted my target.