Chapter Three #2
“Lady Susannah thinks marriage is horrible or something. I think she was jilted in her youth or something else ridiculous,” said Miss Bingley.
“It is a stipulation. Of course, once the woman is dead and Miss Bennet has inherited that estate, there is nothing stopping her marrying one of them, I suppose. She’ll be quite sought after in that instance. ”
I gazed at Lady Susannah.
“But for now,” said Miss Bingley, “no one pursues Miss Bennet at all.”
“How do you know all this?”
“Because my brother danced two dances with her at Meryton, and ever so many helpful ladies have come to explain to me that he cannot marry her if she wants to inherit from Lady Susannah. That he must wait until after the woman’s death.”
“Lady Susannah does not look on death’s door,” I said.
“I suppose not,” said Miss Bingley.
I turned to look at Elizabeth Bennet. “How old you think Miss Bennet is? Why, if Lady Susannah has another ten years of life, Miss Bennet might be nearly thirty when Lady Susannah dies.”
“You do not think Miss Bennet is over twenty?”
I scrutinized her. “I do not know. She could be.”
Miss Bingley laughed. “Your reaction tells all, then. You are not pursuing her to marry her, you say, but you are quite crushed at the idea you cannot marry her.”
“I am not crushed,” I countered. “It is only that seems a waste for a woman like her, entirely a waste.”
Miss Bingley shrugged. “Well, Charles knows to stay clear of her, and now you do as well.”
It seemed that was the end of the matter entirely.
I should be going back to London at the end of the fortnight, and I should leave this place behind, thinking no more of it.
And it would have been the end of the matter, truly, if it were not for two things that happened.
One was that I saw Mr. Wickham, who was the man who had attempted to make off with my sister this summer, with the regiment of officers who were encamped near Meryton.
Wickham and I had a history, one that stretched back into our boyhood. My family had been generous with him and he had repaid our kindness with nothing but entitlement and greed.
I did not wish him to know I was here, for even after everything that had passed between us, he might still take it into his head to come begging to me. He had no shame.
So, I thought it best that I leave sooner rather than later.
And there was an odd interaction with James Bennet, one day, in Netherfield, in the morning.
It was odd, because there was no reason for James Bennet to be there in the morning, though he was.
He was in Mr. Bingley’s bedchamber. I saw him coming out of it, and I saw Mr. Bingley catching him and laughing and straightening his cravat, though Mr. Bennet’s clothes looked rumpled and a bit worse for wear, as if he’d put back on what he’d been wearing the night before.
The men looked into each other’s eyes and then Mr. Bennet looked up and saw me, and his expression went ashen.
I did not know what to do in that moment.
A number of things were beginning to make sense to me, a number of very appalling things.
They all marched about in my head. Bingley and Danvers and Bingley tying my cravat and Bingley begging me to come here and the way Bingley looked at me sometimes, and I could not breathe.
So, I ducked back around the corner, even as I heard their hushed conversation.
“What is it?”
“Darcy. He saw us.”
“You leave Darcy to me,” said Mr. Bingley.
I had been going down for an early morning walk before breakfast, and I needed the fresh air more than anything now.
I went down another set of stairs and out a different door and began to walk quite quickly through the gardens of Netherfield. It was a murky sort of morning in November. I had on a long greatcoat I hunched into, and I tried to gather my thoughts.
I would leave now, waiting a fortnight be damned.
There was no way I could remain in this house or continue in the society of this man.
The feeling that I had right now was one of revulsion, but I had to admit that beneath it was fear. I didn’t want to admit that, because I supposed that if it came down to it, I might be likely to best Bingley in a physical altercation, but I did not wish it to come down to that, I supposed.
I did not wish to think I would have to fight him off.
Perhaps it wasn’t fair to think that. He had never pursued me, not really, and he had never attempted to do anything to me at all, and I could not say that perhaps he would simply stop if a person said no, like any decent man would, so… so…
My walking slowed. Yes, perhaps I was being too rough on the man.
Perhaps there was no need of fear.
But the revulsion.
That I could not shake and would not shake. I still must get as far from this house as possible and soon. I must cut this walk short, must rouse my valet (for he had arrived here, only not that first night), tell him to pack everything, and we must be on our way as soon as was possible.
“Darcy!”
I turned to see that Bingley was hurrying to catch up with me.
My stomach turned inside out. I thought of running from him, but I did not wish to seem a coward. Besides, I had determined I had little to fear from him. He had always been a polite and refined sort of man, in all my observations of him.
So, I stopped walking and turned and waited. Bingley rushed through the gloom of the morning to stand straight in front of me.
“You saw James leaving,” said Bingley. “And you must have all sorts of wild thoughts about why he was here.”
I tilted my head to one side. “You’re going to deny it?”
Bingley searched my gaze. “Yes.”
I considered. Could I go along with that? Would it be easier for all of us, in the end?
“And if you were to go and start spreading rumors, Darcy, you must realize it would have repercussions far beyond simply tarring me, it would affect Louisa and her husband and Caroline’s prospects, and if you mentioned James by name, it could ruin him as well.
So, of course, I am denying it. And I need to know that you are not going to go telling vicious lies about me. ”
I let out a breath. I was not sure what to say. I started to walk. “I know of it, obviously. I have heard about this. I know about those houses in London for whatever you call yourself, molls or mollies or—”
“Darcy,” he said, falling into step with me. “All of that is mad.”
I glanced sidelong at him.
His face fell.
“If you’re going to keep denying it, I don’t know how it is you expect to speak about it,” I said.
“I have no recourse but to deny it,” he said.
I sighed. It was silent as we walked.
“You’re worried,” he said, finally, clearing his throat. “I would never touch you. I know you wouldn’t welcome it, and I don’t even think of you in that way.”
I was not sure I believed him. I remembered his hand patting my chest before the ball. I remembered too many times that he had smiled at me in such a way. I walked a bit faster. “I think you do think of me in that way, actually. I can tell.”
“No,” he said. “No, I swear to you.”
“But I believe you when you say you would not do something I didn’t welcome,” I said. “In all my time with you, you’ve never given me reason to suspect otherwise.”
He let out a very relieved breath. “All right, thank God in heaven, you are being much more reasonable about this than most people.”
I was not sure how I felt about that either. “You wish me to keep your secret, and I suppose I can do that. Not if pressed or something, though, you understand? If someone comes to me and there’s some story of your having corrupted some youth—”
“I don’t corrupt anyone, Darcy,” he said. “Lord, you must see it yourself. Men cannot be convinced to try such a thing if they don’t already have the inclination.”
I supposed that was true enough. I considered as we walked. “Still, even so, if I find you are harming anyone at all, I will be forced to speak up.”
“Well, I do not harm people.”
“And… and Bingley, it is simply unnatural.”
He did not say anything.
“And I wish you to stop…” I looked at him and then I did not finish my sentence, because perhaps that was not a thing in a person’s power. “Stop communicating it to me, I suppose, even if you cannot help feeling whatever you feel.”
“Communicating what to you?”
“Don’t look at me in that way you look at me,” I said. “Ever again.”
He scoffed. “Darcy, I am not drawn to you.”
I wasn’t going to press the point. He could say whatever he liked. “And it goes without saying that I must leave immediately.”
“If it must be in a rush, because you cannot bear to be under the same roof as me, with all my unnatural tendencies,” he said, “then I beg you to make some other excuse, something like an emergency within the family. I shall support your tale that a servant came to us in the wood this morning as we walked, all right? Will you do that for me, at least?”
Odd that he had come, just then, to such a similar excuse for my leaving as I had already thought of. “Yes, all right,” I said.
“Good,” he said. “And you shall not say a word of it, to anyone, for indeed, I have admitted nothing.”
I nodded at him.
He nodded back.
We both turned and began walking back towards the house.
“So,” I said, “that means that Mr. Bennet is—”
“Please leave him out of it,” muttered Bingley. “Poor, handsome country mouse of a man, really. You realize what it would do to his sister if he were to be exposed. You like his sister, even if you said she was only tolerable. I saw how you looked at her.”
“I have no intention of exposing anyone,” I said.
“Good,” he said.
“Good,” I said.
We continued walking.
I burst out with, “But Danvers, then?”
“Oh, God,” said Bingley, rubbing his forehead.
“Well, if you were going to take up with Bennet in that way,” I said, “why invite Danvers at all? Indeed, why invite me? Why am I here?”
Bingley stopped walking. “Look, Darcy, men are less…” He cleared his throat. “You know that men do not necessarily wish to settle down and get married to the first woman they find pretty? Well, men are much the same in this regard even if they don’t fancy women.”
“What?” I said.
“I am only saying Danvers and I are not… exclusive.”
I drew back, faintly grimacing. “Indeed, I am sorry I asked.”
“I suppose,” said Bingley, “it is better all around that he is not here, for men are rather prone to jealousy, also, and they can be very impulsive, and there can be a lot of yelling and punching and challenging people to duels, and trust me, if I could simply be drawn to women, like everyone else, I think I would.”
I shook my head at him, thoroughly flummoxed by everything that had come out of his mouth.
He shrugged again. “And James, he’s so…” He shook his head.
“God, he’s really adorable, you know, so earnest and sort of shy in his way, and there’s this nobility to him, and I find myself torn between wanting to show him the entire world and then also wanting to just sort of ensconce him here, in the country, and never let him leave, because I don’t wish to ruin him, ruin his, erm, innocence, I suppose.
Speaking of men being jealous, I suppose I’m possessive.
I’ve never really felt this way before.” He shut his eyes.
“Dash everything, why am I telling you this?”
“I haven’t any notion,” I said.
“Apologies,” he said.
I shifted on my feet. “So, you like Bennet more than Danvers, that’s what you’re saying?”
He nodded. “Yes, quite. I like Bennet more than I’ve liked anyone, truly. Well, it’s new. Probably will wear off with time.” He tilted his head at me. “Could you just take my sisters with you when you go, so that I could just be alone with him, have the place to myself?”
“Well, I don’t see why your sisters would leave in a rush with me now for my family emergency,” I said.
“No, that’s true. But if you delayed a day or so, and we termed it a less urgent emergency, I think… well, Caroline would be overjoyed to leave, and it would be ever so good of you, Darcy. I should be quite grateful.”
I let out a disbelieving laugh.
He shook himself. “All right, all right, apologies. You are horrified by me. I am unnatural and you think of men together and your stomach grows weak—”
“My stomach is fine,” I broke in.
“I’m only saying, I need to keep in mind that you are likely not my friend anymore.”
I probably should not be this man’s friend. I fixed him with a glare. “We can’t be friends if you are imagining doing things to me.”
He grinned at me. “I don’t.”
I raised my eyebrows at him.
He flushed and looked away. “All right, I shall stop.” He was smiling, though, amused.
I should have been angry, but maybe I was amused, too. I smirked.
He noticed and his smile widened. “It’s not my fault you’re so tall, is it? I mean, you have seen yourself in a looking glass.”
It might have been my turn to blush. “Stop it.”
“All right,” he said. “No more of that. You are likely the ugliest man I have ever seen, Mr. Darcy, and I could not be prevailed upon to think any untoward thoughts of you.”
I started walking again. I pointed at him. “It’s remarkable that you aren’t taking this seriously at all.”
“It truly is.” He fell into step with me. “You could ruin me entirely. Ruin my sisters. Damnation, I could be taken to a hangman’s noose.”
“Oh, I think that’s unlikely,” I said. “We’re not so barbaric these days.”
“But you’re not going to say anything.”
“You’re frightfully sure of yourself.”
“I am, in fact, not, but I like to think I know you. I do not think you would do anything to directly cause me harm, even if you do not truly approve.”
I glanced at him. He was correct about that. “All right, all right. I shall take your sisters back to London with me. I shall stay a few more days.”
“Capital,” he said.