Chapter 13
River Waltz
Ben
EVERY PART OF me is buzzing with paranoia. The knowledge that these people surrounding us have been lying since the beginning has done something irreparable. Even Ademir beside me, a man I thought I trusted, has kept vital information from me, but more importantly, from Lillian.
God, last night. Every instinct in me wanted to take her by the hand and leave it all behind. Sabotage everything and make a run for it. I probably would have if it hadn’t been for her incessant logic.
There is still Ivo and his camp to worry about.
I sigh to no one but myself as I make my way up the main outdoor stairway to the top deck. The vantage point over the river is stunning from up here. More than that, it gives me a sense of control. From here I can see every obstacle in the water, every possible setback or threat.
At the very least, I can protect her in this way.
My fists clench tight as I approach the starboard side of the bow.
Even with a change in vantage point, I cannot get what was said last night out of my head for the life of me.
Last time, Isadora had known what to expect, but she’s seemingly taken that knowledge to the grave with her.
There will be challenges in the upcoming days; we might not even live to see the mountain if it’s anything like the last time.
My mind wanders to the companions who have been thrust upon us, and for the first time, I start to think about if I’ve treated them fairly.
They signed up for this, yes, but who’s to say what they were actually told.
I think of Oliver and his aversion to anything that might make his stomach turn.
Would he have said yes if he knew the truth?
Would Margaret have agreed had she known what Ivo and the other Germans said about Lillian behind her back or how they spoke about treating women?
Would James agree to any of this if he knew the stakes? Would he still side with his precious crown and country knowing what they truly intend to use the dagger for?
The mere thought of Lillian anywhere near that dagger makes me sick. If anything should happen to her…
I shake the horrendous vision away and return to my questions—so many questions that I may never know the answers to.
All I am certain of is that the moment we step off this boat, we are liable to have a repeat of the last experience.
Demons and monsters and any number of people who don’t want us in their presence.
For good reason.
Several more minutes of my day are spent in a constant spiral of questions without answers as I desperately try to sort through them one by one. I’m left infinitely more frustrated by the time the ship’s horn blasts, signaling the beginning of dinner service.
Pushing away from the view that did nothing for my peace of mind, I intend to go down for dinner, but another man steps up beside me. I know it’s Ademir by the way his sleeves are rolled up to his biceps.
He pulls a cigarette from his mouth and holds it out over the water below. The orange glow is slowly growing to be a sharp contrast against the darkening landscape. “Lillian told me what happened last night.”
Of course she did. All of that deception unearthed and she still made sure to trust him.
“This senseless wheel of lies needs to stop,” he says, taking another breath of smoke. “Lillian has asked me to tell you what I know.”
I stiffen at the mention, knowing that whatever he has to say will only bring me pain. “Did you tell her?” I ask, a hint of anger in my voice.
He sighs and then flicks the ashes away. “She did not wish to know.”
It’s my turn to sigh. Of course it’s her own right. “Why now?” I ask.
“For so long, I was tied to her mother.” His voice wobbles at the mention of Isadora. “She didn’t want Lillian involved at all, but as it went on, it became more dire. When Isadora began to see her visions, she knew she needed Lillian.”
“Why?” I ask again. “As some twisted idea of a backup?”
“Yes.” He clenches his eyes shut as if he can go back to the moment and stop it all from happening.
“Isadora knew that her story would end before she reached that dagger. Did she want Lillian to be prepared to take on the burden of her family? Of course. But she also just wanted to spend all the time she had left with her.”
“She didn’t prepare her, Ademir. Hell, she doesn't even understand what it is that is going to be asked of her.”
Ademir turns harshly toward me. “Did Isadora not put you in her life? Have you not kept your promise to protect Lillian?”
It’s taken so much to keep that promise, but I would soon give everything to see it followed through. “But I can’t protect her from forces I don’t understand, let alone know about.”
His jaw clenches. There’s still so much he’s not telling me.
“Ademir,” I whisper strictly. “What do you know?”
“Forgive me, Isadora,” he says, turning his face up to the sky. Facing me again, he swallows. “Her soft heart, Ben. Her temperament, her love for the land and her kindness. She is the key to what waits for us in that mountainous catacomb.”
I settle in; my heart beats faster with every word he utters.
“There will be a choice for the one that holds the dagger. The choice between right and wrong.”
My sweet Lillian, her goodness. A vision of her hair dancing in the wind has me scrambling for a different answer. “Any one of us could make that choice.” It’s not a question, rather a statement I will see into existence.
Ademir shakes his head. “No,” he says boldly. “No, we could not.”
“I could!” I push away from the railing again. “I could make a simple choice between right and wrong.”
He shakes his head again. “It will not be simple. Isadora believed that the task would be near impossible. The dagger does not obey; it takes. It makes demands of the beholder.” He lets out a breath and with great sadness continues, “It will take a great toll on Lillian.”
I feel the confusion contort my face as I look up at this man who loves Lillian with all his heart. I don’t like the way he’s speaking about this. “It could kill her?” I ask plainly.
Ademir’s eyes mist over. Not able to find the words, he nods. Another swallow and then the explanation. “Isadora didn’t know for sure. She only knew what was shown to her. She never explained fully to me what she believed awaited her. I don’t know if she even wanted to tell me.”
I have to turn away at that. I can’t help but draw the connections between myself and Lillian. There’s always something she won’t or can’t convey to me, no matter how hard she tries.
“Lillian is undergoing her own journey,” Ademir chokes on his words. I slowly turn back to him as the last of the light to the west goes beyond us. “The rainforest shows you what you need to see.”
I take two aggressive steps toward him, still looking for a way out. “And if I were to grab the bloody thing before anyone else can reach it?”
“You will choose wrong.” It’s as if the answer pains him, but he’s confident in it nonetheless.
“How can you be so sure?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him. I trust this man greatly, but I need to be sure of the truth, for Lillian’s sake.
“There is love in your heart, Benjamin, but there is also a lot of pain and suffering left unresolved.” He shrugs. “You will choose wrong.”
The frustration boils over, but a few men laughing emerge from below, so I lean back over the rail and lower my voice.
“How do you know any of this to be true? How do we know Isadora was correct in her theories?” She had been wrong before…
I deflate slightly, thinking further. Isadora had not been wrong often.
“The rainforest shows you what you need to see,” he says again before turning away, effectively ending the conversation.
Perhaps it was true; I’d seen the magic of the rainforest with my own two eyes. I believe it would call to two of its lost daughters, but I can’t help but be left a little offended that the forest has yet to show me anything at all.
Brooding. Brooding and sulking. That’s what I’d describe myself as in comparison to the lively party Bruno insisted on throwing. Even out here in the wilderness, his need for entertainment trumps all.
Looking down at my drink, I tilt and twist the glass and watch the alcohol swish and swirl.
Well, at least Bruno knows how to keep everyone distracted.
It’s either drink away the scenarios slamming around in my head or watch Lillian dance around with strangers.
At the thought of her, my resolve slips and I find myself glancing behind me to the makeshift dance floor.
Considering there are only two women to the nearly 50 men aboard, her evening will be full of distraction. She deserves the break in reality. I don’t want her worrying about anything for any longer than she needs to.
A man with a surdo drum counts off his friends, and Margaret hops to the next man in line. Lillian takes up a dance with Oliver as the other men with instruments begin to play.
Knowing she’s in good hands, I let myself turn away from the scene and back to the river. Unfortunately, I don’t do so alone.
“Quite the party master, aren’t you Bruno?” I take another sip of my whiskey, hoping he’ll sense my foul mood and return to the merriment.
He claps me on the back. “Oh, Ben, I’m glad you’ve found the drink to your liking.” I sniff in response. “Are you worried about what’s to come, or are you vexed by my very presence?” he asks.
He’s already laughing when I whirl on him.
“Ben, you have to know by now that I’m not a threat to you.
” He takes a deep breath before taking a sip from his own glass.
“I made promises to a lot of people, Isadora being one of them.” Another sip.
“I could never fulfill the promises made to my father about furthering the business. I never wanted to. But the promise to keep Lillian safe? That one is precious to me.”
My blank stare is enough to keep him going.