Chapter 20
She’d never intended to let it get this far. Olivia lay on her bed and eyed the clock, her body humming in anticipation.
What had started as Connor phoning now and again had morphed, two weeks on, into him phoning every evening. She could, and
often did, pretend it was the virtual sex she looked forward to. But that didn’t account for the list she always made of everything
she wanted to talk to him about.
In her honest moments, she was scared she was becoming addicted to these late-night calls.
Bang on ten o’clock, her phone rang. A moment later, his face lit up her screen. Oh, yes, they were now doing video calls.
And, God, seeing him stretched out on his bed . . . it never failed to produce a hard flip in her lower belly. He wasn’t perfect—his
jaw was a teeny bit too square, the nose a little crooked, his hair unruly. All imperfections that turned too handsome into wildly sexy. A man a woman wanted on her arm and in her bed, lazy Sunday mornings and pulsing Friday nights. She’d gone from rarely thinking about sex to rushing through her
work so she was ready when he phoned.
“Hey.” His dimples flashed, causing her belly to tumble. “How was your day?”
“Good.”
“You can do better than that,” he admonished. “Come on, give me the rundown.”
He was interested. She hadn’t believed it at first, but now she knew he genuinely wanted to hear what had happened. “Stuart
tried to trip me up in a meeting this morning, asking me to substitute for him at the last minute because he ‘wasn’t feeling
well.’” She put air quotes around the words. “He forgot I don’t just know my own fund inside and out—I make sure I’m up to
date on what’s happening company-wide.”
“Because you’re a complete badass, and he’s a dimwit for not realizing it,” Connor stated with a confidence that almost, almost, made her preen. “You must be ahead of him now. What do you reckon, six to five?”
He’d insisted on putting it into football language so he could understand how she thought she was doing. “I think so. And
Meera agrees. She’s—”
“Your best mate.”
“Yes.” Pleasure fluttered through her. He didn’t pretend to listen—he did listen. “I’m in trouble with her, though, because I thought I’d told her about Stuart cocking up and sending the wrong quarterly
deck to one of his largest clients, but it turns out it was you I told. She was miffed. Said she used to be the one I talked
to.”
“I’m sorry for causing problems with your friend but not sorry you’re talking to me. Not sorry at all,” he added softly.
His earnest expression caused a sharp twist in her chest. This, what they were doing, wasn’t keeping the distance between
them she’d wanted. It was drawing them closer. “How’s Ellie?”
“She’s good. Started back at school.” He exhaled heavily, his expression turning sober, reflective. “Most of her friends have
been on fancy holidays with their parents over the summer. She had a month in Devon with one set of grandparents and weeks
of cutting up vegetables and laying tables in the restaurant with her dad. I’m terrified I’m ruining her life,” he added quietly.
“She deserves more than an incompetent single father.”
It annoyed her that he couldn’t see what she could. “All any child needs is attention and to be loved.” She remembered how
much it hurt not to get either from her own father. “You give her both.”
“I try, but what if it’s not enough?” He drew a restless hand down his face. “I wish her mother was more involved, gave her
something aside from an occasional video call.”
Her curiosity burned too bright to ignore. “Tell me about Amy, about how you came to be a single dad.” His eyes shut, and
she felt an unexpected flare of jealousy. “But not if it’s too painful.”
He laughed, low and humorless. “It’s painful to talk about, yeah, but not in the way you think. I’m ashamed.”
“You were twenty, Connor. I’m not going to judge you.”
“I don’t see why not. Everyone else did.” He rubbed his neck, bringing into focus the leather straps around his wrist, the
muscular forearms that made her knees weak. “Amy comes from wealth; her parents are loaded. She’s the youngest of three, the
wild child, and I guess she saw in me a kindred spirit. We met at the bar I worked at. She was with a group of friends who
kept ordering cocktails and flirting heavily with me. The next week it was the same, only her friends hung back, leaving her
to do the ordering. After closing, she hung around and . . . I was flattered, horny, and caught unawares . . . fuck.” He shook
his head, eyes darting away from the phone camera. “There’s no excuse for having unprotected sex in the back of a bar,” he
said finally, his voice tight. “She came by a few more times, and I was prepared then, but the damage had been done. When
she told me she was pregnant, I asked her to marry me, but she wasn’t interested. Her exact words were ‘Get stuck with you?
Are you kidding me?’”
Anger flared on his behalf and morphed into something fiercer when she remembered his comment about how being second best
wasn’t new to him. Clearly it hadn’t been only his parents who’d inflicted damage. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard to
hear, but you stood up when it counted. There is no shame in that.”
“I also got a woman pregnant when I was barely capable of looking after myself.”
“It takes two to make a baby, Connor,” she reminded him quietly. “What happened after she turned you down?”
“She wanted to have an abortion but I pleaded with her to have the baby. Promised I’d look after it even though I had no clue
how I was going to do that. Thankfully her parents sided with me, said they’d help, and my parents were kind of pushed into
saying the same. True to her word, the day Amy gave birth, she handed this crying baby over to me and said, ‘She’s all yours.’
A week later, Amy left the country to go traveling. Eight years on and she’s still traveling. She tells everyone who asks
that she makes jewelry but in reality, she’s living off her parents’ money. She has video calls with Ellie now and again when
prompted, but she’s not seen her in person since the day she handed her over.”
“And have you dated anyone since Amy?”
He let out a choked laugh. “You think I’ve had time to date? The first few years with Ellie, I worked nights at the bar and
spent the days changing nappies and making up bottles. After that it was potty training and trying to get her into a routine,
something I’d failed to do despite Mum’s constant reminders. It got easier when she went to school and I finally found a job
I could do around her hours.”
“You’re telling me you’ve never been in a relationship?” She couldn’t keep the surprise out of her voice.
He gave her a long, steady look through the screen. “It’s taken everything I’ve got just to be a dad, a man deserving of a
daughter. Sure, I’ve made the most of it when Ellie’s been with her grandparents, but there’s been nobody I’ve wanted to spend
time with, nobody I’ve wanted Ellie to get to know. Not until you.”
Her heart floundered. Connor the good-time guy had been hard to say goodbye to. Connor the devoted dad, the man who’d given
up his carefree twenties to face up to his responsibilities . . .
How was she going to say goodbye to him?
Connor’s heart was in his mouth as he stared at a silent Olivia through the screen. He shouldn’t have mentioned Ellie. Nothing
said I want to be in a relationship more than telling Olivia he wanted his daughter to get to know her.
“Say something.”
Olivia’s eyes flickered to his. “I’m trying to fit what you’ve just told me with the impression I had of you in Nantucket,
which was quite different.”
“I’m the same person. Having Ellie meant I had to squash the carefree part of me and try and become this person who was steady,
responsible.” He let out a sharp laugh. “I’m still trying.”
“Ellie looked happy,” she told him. “You must be doing a good job.”
A lump formed into his throat. “Thanks. Sometimes I believe that. Other times, like when we turn up to school and she’s the
only one not in a costume because I forgot it was World Book Day or when I get a call wondering where she is because the bus
is waiting for her and it turns out I forgot to read the slip in her bag about the school trip—those days I realize I’m lucky
she’s growing into this amazing person despite my incompetence.” Shit, he was choking up. He dragged a hand through his hair, taking a second to compose himself. “So, I
told you about Amy. How about you tell me about your past relationships?”
A little shake of her head. “Are we really doing this?”
“It’s only fair.”
She gave him the look she’d given him before skinny-dipping, before parasailing: a mixture of exasperation and disbelief.
“Fine. Beyond the experimentation phase at uni, which I’m going to gloss over, I’ve had two relationships. I met Charles through
a friend of a friend. He was a lawyer, soft-spoken. A really nice guy. But I was twenty-five and I’d just started at Techtonic.
Already I had it in my mind I wanted to be CIO by the time I was forty, so if I had to work late, I’d work late.” Her mouth
twisted in a sad smile. “There’s only so long a guy, even a really nice one, can put up with being told Sorry, I can’t see you tonight. Something’s come up. Turns out eighteen months was the limit.”
Yeah, he heard the warning. “But you tried again.”
“I did. And I regretted it so much, I’ve spent the past four years totally celibate.”
“Until me.” It was hard to keep the smug out of his voice.
“You shouldn’t sound so pleased with yourself. Charles was hurt, but I left Jeremy devastated.” To his astonishment, her voice
cracked. “The fool had even bought me an engagement ring. The night I called it off, he’d been about to propose. I realized
only when I saw him lurch to his feet as the waiter came over carrying a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a ring on a
cushion.” She jerked her head, turning it away from the camera while she wiped at her eyes. “He was mortified. I was mortified.”
“You warned him right from the start that you didn’t want serious.” It wasn’t a question. He knew her.
“He thought that would change when I met the One.” Her eyes lifted to his, full of sadness, regret. “He believed that was
him when in reality he was another really sweet guy who I ended up hurting.”
“You’re telling me you won’t put yourself through that again.”
Her gaze locked on his. “I’m telling you I don’t want either of us to go through that again.”
He nodded. “I understand, but I’m different to Jeremy and to Charles. I don’t expect to be put first. Plus I have a daughter
who will always be my priority.”
She gave him a small smile. “And so she should be.”
He’d listened. Now he needed to get her to listen. “You know, life isn’t about navigating through it as conveniently as possible,
Livvy. It’s about living it. Sometimes we need to relinquish control, take risks, choose the hard path instead of the easy one, because for at least
part of that journey, the views will be phenomenal.”
“And in this analogy, you’re a view?” Her tone was dry as dust.
He winked and pointed to his bare chest. “Come on, you know you like this particular view.”
She groaned but didn’t deny it. “You’re trouble, Connor. I knew it from the moment you flashed that cocky grin at me.”
“You think I’m trouble now, you should have met me when I was eighteen.”
“I’d have been twenty-nine.” She arched an eyebrow, edges of her mouth lifting in what could only be called a smirk. “Far
too sensible to be charmed by a cocksure bartender.”
“Maybe.” Deliberately, he lowered his voice to a husk: “What about thirty-nine-year-old you?”
“Seriously? You’re trying to seduce me with your sex voice?”
A slow smile slid across his face. “Is it working?”
Her eyes, so direct, so pretty, found his. “I’m not sure. You’ll have to try a lot harder.”
“Trust me, it can’t get a lot harder.” He reached down and wrapped his hand around his throbbing erection.
She rolled her eyes, laughter dancing across her face, but then he angled the phone and let her see the V of his abdomen that
he worked hard to achieve in his makeshift gym in the shed and her breath caught. “Damn, you win.”
When they finally said goodbye, he flopped back on the bed, arousal temporarily quenched but his desire to see her burning
brighter than ever. He lived for their calls, the chance to open up, and, yes, to flirt but also to talk in a way he couldn’t
with anyone else. Seeing her on the screen wasn’t enough. He wanted to touch her, hold her. Inhale her scent, feel the softness
of her skin.
And he wasn’t sure how much longer he could continue to play by her rules.