Chapter 23
Olivia smiled down at two-month-old Tabby as she lay on her back, playing with her baby gym.
“She’s getting so big.”
Jessica laughed from the kitchen, where she was making a pot of tea. “She’s a greedy guts, that’s why. I can’t wait to start
weening her. Let her dad and her siblings pick up some of the responsibility of feeding her.”
“She’s beautiful.” Olivia’s mum stared at her granddaughter fondly and reached out a finger for Tabby to grab. “Just like
you all were.”
“Only a mum could say that,” Ashley remarked dryly as she hunkered down beside Tabby and gave her tummy a tickle, causing
Tabby to squeal with baby giggles.
Olivia watched as they fussed over Tabby. They all knew how to get a response from her because they’d all had children. Again,
she was the outsider. Like Dad. The thought was uncomfortable.
“Where are this little one’s siblings today?” Ashley asked, giving Tabby an indulgent smile.
“Nick took them all out to the park. It’s become a Saturday-morning tradition since Tabby arrived. They’ll be back in a bit,
but I thought it would be nice to have some time for just us girls.” Jessica settled a tray, complete with teapot, mugs, and
a mountain of biscuits, on the coffee table. “You know, talk about men.” As Olivia’s heart thumped, Jessica turned to Ashley. “How’s Aaron?”
Ashely beamed as she sat down next to her on the sofa and poured out the tea. “He’s amazing. I can’t believe it’s been only
a month or so since our first date. We’re taking it slowly, we’ve both been burned, but so far, so bloody brilliant.”
Three pairs of eyes swiveled to focus on Olivia. “How about you, Liv?” Ashley asked. “How’s the delectable Connor?”
“I . . . don’t know.” She reached for her tea so she didn’t have to look at any of them. “We split up last week.”
Ashley gasped. “You dumped him?”
“No, actually,” she snapped. “He ended it.”
Jessica let out a long exhale. “Damn, Liv, what did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything.” She’d warned him, hadn’t she? Told him time and time again she didn’t want to hurt him. “I was clear right from
the outset that I didn’t want a relationship. He said he was fine with that, but then last week he decided he wasn’t fine
with it after all. So that’s that.” She swallowed a mouthful of tea and attempted to keep her voice steady. “We tried, but,
as I predicted, it didn’t work out.”
“That’s a shame.” Her mum gave her a sad smile. “He was good for you.”
“Good for me how?”
“He made you happy.”
That stung. Olivia put her mug on the tray and said, “I was happy before I met him, I’m happy now. I don’t need a man to make
me happy.”
It was said too harshly. Her mum blinked and looked away, and Olivia sighed. It was never her intention, but somehow she always
ended up upsetting her.
“Liv.” Jessica reached for her hand and squeezed. “We’re your family. Talk to us.”
“Yes.” Ashley took the other hand. “You can reserve the BS for work. Tell us what happened.”
She slumped against the sofa. “I can’t. I’m ashamed.”
“You’re talking to us.” Ashley dug her in the ribs. “I’m the sister who got you to tell my first boyfriend I couldn’t go to the prom with him because
I had chicken pox when actually I’d had a better offer.”
Jessica snorted. “God, I remember that. Poor Graham.”
“What about poor Richard?” Ashley retorted. “You spilled milk in his car when you borrowed it but you didn’t tell him. That
thing stank for weeks and he didn’t know why.”
“Oh my.” Their mum looked between them both. “I had no idea how mean you two were.”
Okay, Olivia couldn’t stand any more of this. “Connor came to meet me after work. He thought he was doing something nice,
but he waited for me in a bar the guys in the office go to.” Olivia heard Ashley whisper, “Oh, shit.” “I introduced him as
the son of a friend.”
Ashley gave a sharp intake of breath.
Her mum took a sip of her tea.
Jessica cleared her throat. “That was—”
“Brutal? Mean? Condescending?” Olivia groaned, burying her face in her hands. “I panicked. I didn’t want Stuart knowing I
was seeing someone because he’d use it to make a dig about me not being focused.”
“Does Connor know that?” Jessica asked. “Or does he think you were ashamed to be dating him?”
“I wasn’t dating him,” Olivia corrected. “We were just having sex. Sorry, Mum,” she added.
Her mum smiled. “You act like I’ve not had sex before.”
Bet you’ve not had it like I have.
“You were also talking to each other every night,” Jessica pointed out, giving Tabby a little tummy rub. “Which is probably
more than most married couples do.”
“So do you miss him?” Ashley asked.
“I miss talking to him. I miss his smile, the way he makes me laugh.” The words tumbled out of her without any conscious thought.
“I miss the meals he left me. I miss telling him about my successes but also the way he’d boost me up if I’d had a bad day.
And seeing as Mum’s okay with us talking about it, I can admit I miss the sex. I never realized how addictive it could be
when it’s done right.”
“So let me get this straight: In Connor, you found a man you enjoyed talking to, who made you laugh, supported you, fed you,
and was a stud in bed.” Ashley gave her a pointed look. “Most women wouldn’t let that unicorn out of their clutches.”
“I wasn’t the one who walked away,” she protested. “I enjoyed our arrangement.”
“Let me guess—the bastard wanted more than phone calls interspersed with the occasional booty call.” Ashley looked at Jessica,
who nodded.
“I bet he had the gall to want a relationship. You know, that scary thing where you actually make time to see each other.
Go out in public together.” Jessica looked down at Tabby and then over at Olivia. “I bet he even wanted you to spend time
with his daughter.”
“This isn’t funny,” Olivia muttered, awash with guilt and shame. “I’m not proud of what I did, how I hurt him. But I warned
him I was terrible at this. I . . . I can’t be the woman he needs.” Damn, she felt the sting of tears.
“Are you sure about that?” Jessica gave her a long, searching look. “Because the way I’ve seen him look at you, you’re exactly
who he wants, Liv. The question is, are you prepared to try and make it work?”
“I don’t know.” She prided herself on being a fiercely independent woman who was not afraid of anything. Yet in this one thing,
she was terrified. “I didn’t enjoy this week. I kept thinking of things I wanted to tell him, then I’d remember he wouldn’t
be phoning.” Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes and she had to work hard to keep her voice even. “When I was seeing him,
I cocked up a meeting because I was distracted thinking about him. This week I cocked up two meetings because I was thinking
how miserable I felt not seeing him, so I’m screwed either way.”
“You know what I think?” Ashley said carefully, looking her straight in the eye. “I think the work-distraction thing is only
part of the story. You’re also scared of hurting Connor like you did the other guys you dated. But you’re forgetting that,
unlike them, Connor has a life outside you. He has a daughter. He’s not going to care if you have to cancel at the last minute or if you can only see him at the weekend because he has
another priority too.”
“He said he was falling in love with me.” Her voice cracked as she recalled the anguish on his face as he’d laid himself bare
in front of her. “I don’t know how to cope with that. It’s crazy even thinking I could date a guy who has a daughter when
I’ve never particularly wanted children. Even if that changed, he’s ten years younger, so he’s going to want to add to his
family, and my ovaries are withering away as we sit here. Plus I’m far too staid, too driven, too sensible for him, and he’s
too wild, impulsive, and disorganized for me. We’re all kinds of wrong for each other. We’d drive each other mad.”
“Or you’d balance each other,” her mum said quietly. “Complement each other. It’s a sound basis for a relationship.”
Olivia looked at her in surprise. “You can say that after what you had with Dad?”
Her mum looked confused at her tone but didn’t argue. She never did.
Not for the first time, Ashley filled in the silence. “I’ve never heard you sound happier than you have these past few weeks,
Liv. You deserve happiness. Don’t focus on what can go wrong, focus on what feels right.”
“I’ll think about it.” She pushed her whirling thoughts aside and turned her attention to the little girl cooing contentedly
on the floor.
It was Sunday morning. Nine days since he’d walked away from Olivia.
And his life wasn’t getting any better.
Connor knew his mood would be improved if he didn’t see her face every time he closed his eyes. Didn’t think of her every
minute of every blasted day. Didn’t carry around a ton of regrets about ending it and another ton of doubts about whether
he’d done the right thing. Pride. It was one of the seven deadly sins, wasn’t it? And what good was his pride when he was
fucking miserable?
It would help if Ellie, his gorgeous, spirited, sunny-natured daughter, wasn’t sitting at the kitchen table wearing a giant
pout.
“But you promised I could go riding today.”
“I didn’t. I said I’d see if I could arrange it.” But he hadn’t because he’d been too pathetically brokenhearted to get his
act together.
She huffed. “Emily is going to be way betterer than me now, and it’s all your fault.”
With that, she grabbed the box of Rice Krispies, threw it on the floor, and stomped out of the kitchen.
He started to go after her but was swamped by a paralyzing guilt that left him rooted to the spot. Ellie didn’t throw tantrums,
not as a rule. He’d known for weeks that her best friend had started lessons, but his head had been so full of Olivia he’d
forgotten to organize them for Ellie. She had even reminded him last Saturday, a day when he’d been too unhinged to do anything
about it, his mind on a continual loop: Olivia was ashamed to be seen with him. His parents were ashamed of him. Amy hadn’t
wanted to be associated with him.