Chapter 35
Olivia stared at the suitcases in her hall. None of this seemed real. A week ago today she’d woken in Connor’s bed, his arms
around her, and everything had been right with the world. They’d walked in the woods, kicked at the autumn leaves. She’d gone
riding with Ellie and afterward they’d had an indoor picnic, eating cocktail sausages and homemade sesame-chicken strips cross-legged
But since Monday, her life had taken a dramatic turn and she’d not had chance to breathe, never mind second-guess herself.
There had been endless meetings with Simon to understand the role of CIO and with HR to sort out where she was going to live
until she could find her own place, interviews with her team to find her replacement, plus she had to do her actual job. It
meant she’d not had time to think too much about that awful, emotional goodbye to Connor and Ellie. Not had time to replay
the image of him standing at the tube station, Ellie on his shoulders, his face haggard, as she’d given him a final wave before
darting through the barriers, tears streaming down her face.
She’d barely managed to squeeze in a hasty visit to her sisters and mum last night to say goodbye to them. That was another
image she was determined not to replay in her head—the incredulous looks they’d given her, like she’d lost her mind.
Her phone beeped with a message from Ashley.
Please tell me you’ve seen sense and aren’t standing surrounded by suitcases waiting for a cab to the airport.
Because she needed it, she let the anger surface.
Why is what I’m doing not sensible?
Instantly her phone pinged back.
Because you love Connor. And have developed deep feelings for Ellie. And unlike your career, they love you back.
Her heart gave a vicious twist.
Connor had told her to go, though, hadn’t he? She leaned against the wall, vision blurring as an image of his scraped knuckles
flashed through her mind. Okay, he loved her, but there was no guarantee that would always be the case. At some point he’d
probably want to start another family with a woman his age. Was she supposed to give up on her career, change her life goals,
on the chance he’d stick around? She’d been happy as a career woman before, so she could be happy with that again.
Quickly she fired off a reply to Ashley.
This is hard enough without you and Jess hounding me. Have made my decision. Am turning off my phone until I get to NY. Love
you.
She picked up her travel case—her assistant was arranging to fly the others out later—stepped outside, and locked the door
behind her. As she stepped into the lift, though, her mind refused to settle.
Everything about what she was doing felt wrong.
Wrong because both her sisters were worried for her. Both thought she would regret choosing this job over Connor. Regret moving
to New York, away from everyone who loved her.
“Do you even know what a catch he is?” Jessica had yelled at her when she’d phoned her this morning. “A man who’s sexy and
funny and kind. Who can braid a girl’s hair, rustle up a gourmet meal, then roll his hips on the dance floor like a hot stud without losing
a beat.”
Wrong because her mum hadn’t looked proud when she’d told her what she was doing. She’d looked disappointed. “I’m afraid you’re
putting all this energy into a career because you think it will stop you from ending up trapped like me, but it was your father who was trapped, who missed out on life, on happiness, because he couldn’t get off the career treadmill.”
Wrong because every night this week she’d wanted to phone Connor to get a dose of his humor, his calm, his unwavering strength.
She’d resisted because he didn’t deserve to be used like that, as an emotional crutch. He deserved to be with a woman who
supported him, who put his needs first. Because he’d always put her needs before his own.
Her heart faltered as stepped out of the lift and across the lobby.
When Olivia had to leave the office because Mia was sick, nobody at work had helped her. They’d not even tried to reschedule
the meeting. Yet Connor had rearranged his whole day to be there for her when she needed him. Even though she’d not asked
him to.
This was the same man who’d expected her to choose her career over him. Expected her to think her work was worth more than
he was.
Far from trapping her, he’d set her free.
So why wasn’t she flapping her wings, ready to fly? Why instead did she feel like she was walking into a cage? Back to working
late into the night and eating takeouts, to working at the weekend. To being alone.
A tremor went through her as images from her childhood popped into her head: Dad at his desk, eyes fixed on his computer,
barely giving her a glance when she came in to say good night. The empty seat at the dinner table. Her mum driving her and
her sisters to the beach on their family holiday that had turned into a girls’ holiday because her dad couldn’t miss an important
meeting.
Her dad’s funeral, where only her mum had cried.
Why had she been so terrified of turning into her mum when it was her dad she took after, her dad she should worry about turning
into?
The cab was waiting for her. In a daze, she handed the driver the case and slipped into the back seat. She pulled out her
phone to turn it off and saw she had another message, this one from Meera.
Just wanted to say good luck. Got to admit, I was rooting for Connor, seemed like a keeper, but you are going to kill it in
the Big Apple x
Her stomach rolled, and Olivia pressed a hand to it, feeling a spiraling sense of panic.
This was going to be the hardest part, she reminded herself, the time when the doubts would surface. Once she got to New York,
it would be easier.
New York. A city that had never been part of her plan.
She tried to tap a message back to Meera, but her fingers were shaking too much.
Numbly, she pressed Call.
“Hey, I didn’t expect you to phone. Figured you’d be at the airport by now.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Ah, you’re having a wobble,” Meera said softly. “Are you phoning in the hope I’ll reassure you, tell you you’re doing the
right thing?”
“I am, aren’t I? You know me. This job is what I set my heart on when I joined the company fifteen years ago.”
“Sure it is.” There was a pause. “But dreams can change.”
Her heart stuttered. “I’ve tried relationships,” she said brokenly. “They didn’t work out.”
Meera scoffed. “You’ve dated guys you could pick up and drop with ease. Who you didn’t think about when you weren’t with them.
Something tells me the guy who stormed into our office to have it out with the man who’d upset you won’t be as easy to forget.”
“I know he won’t.” She pushed the words past the bowling ball–size lump in her throat. “It doesn’t mean I’m wrong for leaving,
though. Doesn’t part of you look at me and regret what you could have had if you’d not chosen to take a step back for the
sake of your family?”
Laughter echoed down the phone. “Sure, when I come home from work and the house is a mess and the kids are griping. But ninety-nine
point nine percent of the time, I wouldn’t have my life any other way.” She paused, and when she spoke again, her tone had
turned serious. “Jobs come and go, Olivia. Look how they suddenly changed the goalposts for you, shoving the role out to New
York. Who’s to say next time they won’t reshuffle and decide to send you somewhere else? Or decide they don’t need a CIO?
Family—they’re my anchor, my purpose. The people who love me unconditionally. Work only loves me when things go right. My
family love me no matter what.”
And Connor loved her.
She thought of all the times he’d asked about her job, the interest he’d shown in the battle with Stuart, the way he’d helped
her prepare for the interview. He’d wanted her to get this promotion. It wasn’t Connor making her choose between him and her
career, it was this job making her choose because it had moved to New York.
“You know the decision doesn’t have to be so black-and-white,” Meera added.
Her heart aching, thoughts spiraling so much she felt queasy, Olivia listened to what her friend had to say. Then she turned
off her phone and shoved it back into her bag.
She had the rest of the cab journey to decide whether this job was still her dream or whether her dream had shifted to include
the man and the girl she was currently leaving behind.
And if it had, was she willing to risk her credibility and her future career prospects by turning this job down on a hope
and prayer that Connor’s feelings for her wouldn’t change?
Connor reread the message from Jessica.
Liv is flying today on 3:35 p.m. BA from LHR to JFK. Last chance to stop her.
As if it were within his capability to do that.
“Dad?” Ellie tugged at his hand. They were sitting on the sofa waiting for his parents to come round to look after Ellie so
he could go and play football. He had to do something to take his mind off the fact that the woman he loved was leaving the
country.
“Sorry, Turnip.” He tried to give her a smile. “I was miles away. What did you say?”
“Is today the day Livvy gets on a plane?”
“Yes.”
The look she gave him was wise beyond her years. “Is that why you’re sad?”
He hugged her. “It is. But she’s got an exciting job to look forward to, so I’m happy for her too.”
He’d told her to go. Practically shoved her on the fucking plane. The fear that he’d pushed to the back of his mind resurfaced
in a blaze of terror. She’d said she wasn’t sure whether to take the job, and he’d told her what he thought she’d wanted to
hear.
But what if she really hadn’t made up her mind?
What if she’d been waiting for him to give her a good reason to stay? Sure, he’d told her he loved her, but what if that hadn’t
been enough? What if the woman who’d never wanted marriage, never wanted a family, had actually just needed some certainty
about what would happen if she stayed? But I’m also scared of getting hurt. You won’t want to be saddled with a fifty-year-old woman.