Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Amelia had wandered aimlessly through Stapleton’s extensive grounds for hours, hugging her shawl tightly about her shoulders as she pondered her troubling situation.
She had fallen for her husband, and she had to hide it forever.
The gardens hardly comforted her but she kept going. They were very well cared for and, seeing nothing for her to do, she let her steps eventually lead her back to the ruined cottage Samuel was working to rebuild.
Not a lot of progress seemed to have been made since her last visit, but there was smoke coming from one chimney. She dared not enter and looked around for her brother-in-law.
Of Samuel or anyone else, there was no sign as she circled the structure twice. The woods closest seemed empty, quiet but for distant bird calls and the odd scratching sound coming from the undergrowth.
The place reminded her of her own empty cottage, and her abandoned dream of having a thriving garden there. She did not want to live there alone anymore, but the hope of a place to belong still made her ache.
Amelia had longed for a home of her own all her life. She had expected to already have a place and a garden to tend as she grappled with the challenges a marriage brought.
Love this time felt sharper and more painful, too, knowing it would never be returned.
She had a wonderful husband who didn’t want her to love him.
A daughter who preferred another woman to stand in her place.
At least Adam seemed to accept her, but he would always be influenced by Lucy, and when he was older, he would notice her disdain and might think less of Amelia.
Was a marriage of convenience ever a truly good idea for a woman? She could not help but care for those around her.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d stood contemplating the very unhappy future ahead of her before a twig snapped to her right, and she spun, gasping in fright.
Samuel raised his hands. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
She calmed herself. “You didn’t. Not really.”
He edged closer and glanced around. “What are you doing out here, and alone?”
“I needed some air,” she said, hoping he would accept that and not question her further.
His smile was immediate. “Well, there is a lot of air in the countryside, I’ve found.”
“True.” She glanced down at her hands, studied her fingertips. She still found it odd not to have dirt under her nails. She was not meant for an idle life.
“What truly brings you here, Lady Chatham?”
“I don’t really know.”
He perched on an old fence post a short distance away. “Has something happened between you and my brother? Did you argue again?”
“No.”
“Something must have, and I don’t think you can blame my father for your long face this time. You look utterly miserable, and my brother most certainly is the cause.”
She gulped.
“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”
She couldn’t if she tried, so she rubbed her palms over her arms, agitated that she would have to lie to everyone about her feelings for her husband for as long as she lived. “Nothing has turned out the way I expected it to.”
“Nothing ever does. Plans have a way of changing, some say it’s often for the best.”
She shook her head and turned away. “Not this time.”
“Well, your harsh words brought me to my senses. Changed my mind. Got me out of the woods and back into the family fold.”
She winced. “I have a confession to make. I did not know your wife at all.”
“I know you didn’t, but you remind me of her. Quiet yet outspoken. Passionate about family and duty. I suppose that is why I rebel against doing as expected. She is no longer here to set me straight, but you have. I must continue as she would want me to. But love never goes away, does it?”
Amelia winced. Love had to go away; there was no place for it in her marriage. But that was her burden to bear, not his to know. She threw a smile his way. “Sometimes it does.”
“You’ve been listening to my brother’s nonsense. He refuses to believe he deserves love again.”
Amelia’s heart sank like a stone. “Yes.”
“But you can change that.”
“No, I can’t.”
“My dear, the change has already begun. If he had not begun to care more deeply for you, he would never have accused you of flirting with Dunstan the other night. He was blinded by jealousy, and likely is still afraid to trust.”
“He was in his cups but I would never betray him.”
“His first wife tried to seduce me,” Samuel blurted out. “Right here at Stapleton. Under his very nose.”
Amelia gasped. “What did you do? Does he know?”
“I threw her out of my bed, and I told my brother to keep her away from me,” Samuel assured her.
“We avoided each other for a few weeks. He was humiliated. My wife was still alive then but away visiting a friend. I told her as soon as she returned. It is one of the reasons we never visited them in Devon.”
“Poor Milo.”
Samuel squinted at her.
Amelia nodded. “He told me about how things were the night his first wife died. The argument. His thoughts of divorce. He blamed himself for not preventing her fall all this time but he was too far away.”
“I never thought he’d tell you but I’m glad he did,” Samuel said.
“I couldn’t bear to see him suffering,” she admitted. “Even if talking about her is the last thing I want to do.”
“I doubt he’s suffering still, not with you warming his bed every night. He hasn’t spoken well of a woman since his first wife lived, but with you, his respect is obvious.”
Amelia blushed and rubbed her hands on her arms again. Yes, he might respect her but that was all.
She glanced at the cottage. “Will you live here once you finish the rebuilding?”
“I doubt it. I am starting to think the place better suited to my brother and you.”
She looked at him in surprise. “But I thought…”
“It is too quiet. I dwell on the past too much here, and you saw that immediately, didn’t you? But I will finish what I’ve started. Finish it for the family at large, and who knows, perhaps you and Milo might spend some of your summers here, repairing the garden.”
“I would love that. But I likely cannot, since this is not my home.”
“Our father will come around as soon as he understands why Milo thought he’d be happier being married to you than anyone else. That’s all he wants—our happiness, that and endless grandbabies to steal away.”
Amelia laughed softly. “I have to chase Adam and Lucy all over the manor because he keeps doing that.”
“It’s not about you, and he won’t ever stop, I’m afraid,” Samuel warned with a laugh, and stood. “Not unless they’re as restless as my sons. My boys have grown used to unlimited freedom, and I will have difficulty changing them back into the well-behaved boys their mother expected them to be.”
Amelia nodded.
Samuel dusted himself off. “Well, I’d best get on with it.
The cottage won’t finish itself. Spend as much time as you like in the garden here to soothe your soul.
But do stay out of the cottage until it is finished.
Milo would never forgive me if anything ever happened to you.
There are still floorboards to be replaced. ”
“I will,” she promised.
Samuel tipped his hat and strode off around the building. A short time later, she heard sounds of industry, hammering and such from that direction.
Amelia sighed. If she could have stayed here with the children instead of living at the manor, she and Lucy might have found common ground. But as it was, too much interfered with her attempts to befriend the child to leave her much hope.
The tip of a rose branch, bereft of a bloom, caught her eye, and she bent down to examine where it came from. With a little effort, and careful weeding, she discovered a sturdy old rose vine grew wild under the weeds.
She soon realized there were more in a line, remnants of the former garden still there, waiting to be tended. Under the long grass was a gravel path, too, and stone borders of a long-forgotten garden bed.
She worked to clear away a small patch around the roses, discovering the wreckage of a woven fence, quite deteriorated, and she lost track of the time trying to reveal it.
When she finally stood, she easily stepped out the perimeter of the cottage garden, impressed by the size it must have been once. And the potential of restoring this abandoned refuge in the woods filled her with excitement.
When she gardened, she could always push her problems aside for a while, and now she would do it to rid herself of her disturbing love she had for her husband.