Chapter 20 #2
Milo dared to hope, until he noticed her tension. She was wound tighter than a drum, and about to bolt, he feared. “What feelings, Amelia?”
She lifted her eyes to his. They were wide with fear. “I don’t know what they are, but I can’t have them,” she whispered.
Her eyes dropped away again, and it was as if a door had slammed closed on the life they were building together.
The love barely begun.
His heart started beating fast as he realized the source of her distress was him, and those feelings that neither of them wanted to acknowledge.
But Amelia was not just a necessary wife anymore.
She was essential to his happiness.
He had fallen hard. It was raw, and it terrified him, too. It was always there, in the way they reached for each other in the dead of night. The way she silently drew him in closer and gave herself without reservation.
They were in love, and Amelia was desperate to run from it.
He could not let her go.
“What if those feelings don’t leave you?”
“They have to.”
Her anguish only made him smile. “Well, I don’t want you to leave me.”
“But I shouldn’t feel anything. I promised!” Her fingers trembled over her lips again. “I can still be your wife, faithful to you alone, and a mother to your children, even if we live separate lives. It was what I expected all along.”
“It was for me, too,” he agreed.
“If you leave, or I leave, one of us will always remain with the children. I won’t complain if it’s you that goes.”
“But you’ll miss me,” he suggested, and fought not to laugh at how stupid this all was when she nodded.
“How did I ever think I could marry a woman and keep a distance?” He caught her cold fingers in his and squeezed them tight.
“I don’t want to leave you, Amelia,” he swore, kissing them.
“I’ve been so very wrong. I don’t always know what is best for me, but I was right about your place in my life.
We have so much more to learn about each other.
We cannot do that if we live separate lives. ”
“But I cannot do this!” she cried out, wrenching her hand from his as she turned away. “Please don’t make me.”
She put her hands over her face and sobbed behind them. Milo caught her in his arms again, his heart swelling with love for the woman he held.
She was breaking her own heart to keep her word and didn’t realize it was no longer necessary. She’d break his heart if he couldn’t see her every day. “What don’t you want to do?”
Her hands dropped from her face. “Pretend that I don’t want you to hold me like this all the time.”
That was all he wanted, too.
They felt the same.
Exactly the same.
The impulses that plagued him to be near her, the unwanted suspicions and jealousy, tormented her, as well. He knew exactly what to do to fix things, but he was going to break a promise to her when he did.
He’d vowed not to love a second wife, but he well and truly did.
He adored Amelia.
She’d made him love again.
He turned her around to face him and held her hands tight between his against his chest. “Amelia…do you have any idea how much effort it takes not to reach for you because I fear I might go too far?”
Her eyes widened in shock at his confession.
“I cannot get enough of you,” he whispered. “And there is a reason for that.”
Amelia blushed. “I, too, feel strong desires…”
“It’s so much more than desire between us.
” He smoothed his thumbs over the back of her fingers, trying to prepare her.
“I tremble whenever you are near. I long to follow you about like the smitten fool I promised not to be. My dear—I am afraid I love you. I have loved you for some time but was too blind to understand what I was feeling. I was a coward.”
Amelia froze. “No. That’s not possible.”
Milo smiled. “Why is it impossible for me to love you? You are my wife. You are everything I need. Sweet and kind and very, very appealing. We have shared countless hours together in perfect symmetry.”
“That is different. That was passion.”
“Can passion and love ever truly be separated? Just like us, they are irretrievably bound together. I was a fool to think I could keep my heart at arms length.”
Amelia looked panicked. “When we are apart, you’ll recover your senses.”
“Will you do the same? Truly? Can you turn off your heart at will?” He cupped her face and smiled.
“I know I never could. And I do not want to imagine doing so ever again. I love you, Amelia Westfall, with my whole heart and my soul. Unburdened by past regret and filled with hope for the future with you. My place is now and irrevocably by your side, striving to make all your dreams come true. A family, a home, a garden, and a child of ours. Or dozens if you desire more. We cannot have the life we dream of if we are not beside each other.”
Amelia’s breath shuddered out of her.
He bent his lips to her ear. “You mended my heart, and claimed it for your own.”
He waited patiently, knowing they had been heading for this moment all along. Surrendering to love a second time wasn’t ever going to be easy, but it was what he wanted now. What they needed to be truly happy. This was no mistake.
It was meant to be.
This was love.
He had done everything wrong, but there was not a damn thing he would change about that or the woman he held. He had chosen a good woman to become his wife, his duchess one day, to become his friend and lover. To learn all his secrets and dreams and be the recipient of hers.
They matched in every way that mattered.
Amelia slumped a little, and her body finally pressed against his. He raised an arm around her shoulders and pulled her even closer. She sobbed, and he didn’t mind the emotions pulling at his heart anymore.
“Don’t cry, my love,” he said, pressing his lips to her brow. “There is nothing to fear. I love you, and I’m never letting you go. I’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth declaring my undying love if you try, even if you’d rather to move to your cottage so you can garden to your heart’s content.”
She laughed. “I tried so hard not to love you, but how can I not when you offer everything I want and more.”
Tears filled his eyes. He was undone. He was loved. He kissed her brow again and again, tightened his grip on her, joyously smitten.
Love a second time was precious. “We’re going home tomorrow, my love. I want to take you to your garden, and we’ll stay there for Christmas, too.”
She looked up at him quickly, wiping away her tears and then his. “What about the duke? Your family and the estate? He might never approve of me.”
Milo put his fingers over her lips gently.
“I approve of you, and that is all that matters. We need a place to be alone so we can fall even deeper into this love.” He moved his fingers to brush the moisture clinging to her lashes.
“Besides, I’m keen to hear you play the harp, naked perhaps—if I can persuade you to be so bold. ”
Amelia blushed and laughed softly. “Will you always make love to me in scandalous places?”
He thought a moment, then smirked. “Yes, I do believe I will. There are carriages, under the full moon in your garden, against a wall. Anywhere and any way you’ll have me, darling.”
“That sounds wonderful. Having you all to myself,” Amelia said, as she wrapped her arms about his neck before she drew him down for a heated kiss that was in danger of going on forever.
Milo could only hope so.