Chapter 19 Sera
Sera
“Am I allowed to have Pip here?” I ask when Hades appears with two trays in his hands.
The question is one that’s been rolling around in my mind since I set the fire lily in the vase, which I assume Hades created for this purpose. However, seeing it there, all glowy and orange, made me think about Pip’s dead version.
And I… I miss him.
But I’m not sure if he can get through whatever wards Hades put up around his labyrinth.
“Pip is your familiar,” Hades replies as he sets the trays down on the table he manifested a bit ago. “He can go wherever you desire. Just call for him and he’ll appear.”
I frown. “Call for him?”
He settles onto the sofa beside me, his focus on the trays as he shifts them around on the table. “Yes. Via your mental bond.”
“My mental bond…?” I echo, phrasing it as a question.
He looks at me. “Do you not sense Pip?”
I blink. “No? I don’t think so, anyway. I…” My lips twist as I try to figure out what to say here. “Sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”
He leans back, seemingly surprised. “You essentially conjured him, so I’m surprised you can’t feel him. Maybe you’ll feel more connected after your estrus?”
“Maybe? I mean, I have no idea what to expect during my heat or after it. So why not add this to the list of uncertainties?” I don’t mean to sound so flippant about it, but I’m feeling just a tad overwhelmed. And exhausted.
And hungry, I realize as the scent of melted cheese touches my nose.
I look down, half expecting to find pizza. But instead, it’s… it’s… “What is this?” I ask, not recognizing the meal he’s prepared. It’s various bowls of what looks like melted cheese on one side and a large array of fruits, vegetables, and breads on the other.
“Fondue,” he says, shifting forward to pick up a metal prong.
“You stick this into one of the items on this tray and dip it into one of these three pots.” He points to the bowl farthest from me as he says, “That’s sharp cheddar.
This one is a more traditional swiss-and-gruyère blend. And that one is my own creation.”
I eye the three options. “Okay.” I take the prong as he holds it out for me, stab a piece of white bread, and opt to try his “creation” first.
Flavor instantly bursts on my tongue, causing my eyes to widen at the smoky tendrils twined with sweet notes. “Oh,” I moan, not caring at all that my mouth is full. Because wow. Wow. “This is really good.”
His lips twitch, probably because my words come out muffled from the food I’m still chewing. At least I blocked the view with my hand.
“Try the cheddar with the green apple,” he suggests.
“Is that one of Persephone’s favorites?” I guess after I swallow.
He frowns. “No, actually. It’s my favorite.”
“Oh.” Rather than say anything else, I try what he suggests and nod my approval. “It’s good.”
He doesn’t reply, just watches me as I pick up a third item—a piece of broccoli—and dip it into the cheddar.
After it’s in my mouth, he says, “I realize things between us are tense, Serapina. However, I’m going to try to explain a few things.
I don’t know if it’ll help, but hopefully it’ll be a start. ”
I finish my vegetable, then reply, “Okay,” since it seems like he wanted my agreement before continuing.
His responding nod confirms it.
I pick up another apple piece instead of broccoli and try it in his cheesy creation while he observes.
The cheddar is better with it, I decide. But I don’t voice that opinion out loud because he starts speaking.
“I’m going to begin with an apology,” he tells me. “I should have come to you the moment I knew you existed, and explained all of this to you then. As I’m your Alpha, it was my responsibility to prepare you, and I failed you. I’m sorry.”
I’m in the middle of eating another piece of bread, so I can’t respond to that.
But he doesn’t seem to expect me to, as he continues by saying that most Omegas learn their distinctions around thirteen years of age—something I already knew because of Alina’s comments about Thea.
And then he says most Omegas go into their first heat between eighteen and twenty years old.
Which clearly wasn’t the case for me.
“I suspect Demeter did something to you after saving you from Monsters Night,” he goes on.
Saving seems like an incorrect term, but I don’t comment. Primarily as I don’t know a better word for what she did. She set it up to ensure my name was picked from that chalice, then kidnapped me and put me in a garden. Or a dream. Or whatever she did to me.
Regardless, his assessment that Demeter may have altered my heat seems to be founded on truth.
“I think Maliki pleasuring you fractured whatever Demeter did,” he continues. “I just wish I understood more, but nothing about this is precedented.”
“That’s what I keep hearing,” I mutter as I stab a celery stalk with a little too much force. Then I dunk it in the cheese before popping it into my mouth.
All while Hades observes me with an expression I can’t quite read.
He clears his throat. Then starts explaining what a “normal” estrus looks like.
“The Omega may feel some stomach pains. Exhaustion. A need to nest. Or become increasingly interested in sensual play. But eventually, an instinct takes over that inspires the Omega to run. Because she wants to be chased. So I created this maze to satisfy that desire.”
I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. I knew this part already, obviously. But somehow him reiterating it makes the experience more real.
“It’s about testing an Alpha’s strength before the fog of lust sets in,” he explains.
“Fog of lust,” I repeat, my voice softer than intended.
“Omegas tend to lose their sense of reality during estrus, as they’re consumed by passion and pleasure. That’s why they run shortly before the heat sets in—while they’re still coherent enough to evaluate an Alpha’s worth.”
My lips form an O without sound. I… I knew the heat would be intense. But he makes it sound like I’ll be out of my mind. Lost in a fog of lust…
“See, Omegas in estrus want to breed, and they need to ensure their Alpha’s seed is worthy of procreation. That’s the point of the chase. And an Alpha’s instincts are driven by the need to hunt and claim.”
And now my throat just feels tight. Like I can’t breathe. Or maybe that’s my lungs.
Yet somehow I manage to whisper, “So… so you’re going to hunt me and breed me… in this labyrinth.”
“Yes.” No hint of hesitation, and just the word alone makes my stomach drop. Only, in the next breath, he adds, “Unless you refuse me.”
I’m not sure how to respond to that. “You just said I’m going to be out of my mind with lust and that you’re going to pursue me through this maze and knot me… Now you’re saying I can refuse? How?”
“Because I won’t even attempt to hunt you without knowing it’s your wish for me to do so,” he says.
I stare at him. He’s called me his mate and his wife countless times. Yet now he’s saying he won’t pursue me unless I give him permission? That feels… off base… given everything we’ve been through.
“Serapina, I understand if my intentions feel unclear to you,” he tells me, obviously having read the incredulity in my features.
“But I do value consent. That’s why I never impregnated Persephone.
She didn’t want to risk bringing another Omega into our world.
And I respected those wishes. Just as I’ll respect whatever requests you make of me. ”
I… I want to believe him.
But I refuse to be that na?ve.
And he must see that opinion because he sighs and says, “We’ll return to this discussion in a moment.
I want to talk about your actual heat. You’re going to crave a knot, which I gather Morpheus has discussed with you.
” His jaw seems to tighten as he utters the words, something dangerous flashing in his gaze.
I don’t want to worsen whatever dark emotion that is, so I say nothing and let him make assumptions.
“Has he explained that knotting will hurt at first?” he asks.
“N-no,” I reply, swallowing. “But Alina kind of mentioned it would be overwhelming… and then okay.” Or that’s what I gathered from what little she told me.
He nods. “Once the initial pain of your first time dissipates, you’ll enjoy it. But the knot is what ties the Alpha to an Omega for procreation.”
“So you didn’t do that with Persephone?” I ask, my brow furrowing. “Since she didn’t want a child?”
“I, um, no. I still knotted her. But Alphas can control our seed. It’s linked to our ability to manifest, just in a unique way.” He pauses before adding, “Basically, we ensure life doesn’t blossom.”
My eyebrow arches. “You chose that flower reference for me, didn’t you?”
“I did.” His discomfort is clear. “But you understand?”
“Yes. I think so.”
He nods. “Then it was worth the reference.” He clears his throat again.
“Anyway, as I said, you’ll crave a knot during your heat.
And if you choose to reject an Alpha, your estrus could become excruciating.
But I’ll do my best to help you mitigate that pain, if you go that route.
However, there will only be so much I can do. ”
I stare at him. “Are you telling me this so I accept your knot?”
His eyes widen. “No, I’m trying to… Fuck, you’re right; that’s how it comes across, but that’s not what I meant.
My point is, Omegas always have a choice, and many have chosen to go through their first few cycles without Alphas, as they were searching for an appropriate mate.
It’s not unheard of, but it can be painful. ”
“So my body will punish me if I reject you,” I translate.
He closes his eyes now and blows out a breath. “That’s not what I’m trying to say either. I just want you to understand the process.” He pinches his nose for a long moment before dropping his hand and looking right at me. “I’m not good at this, am I?”
The question is so earnest that I can’t help but smile a little at his self-deprecation. “It’s not exactly an easy conversation to have, is it?”