Chapter 20
20
Sarah folded her arms and shook her head. ‘Don’t be daft. Of course he isn’t. It’s nothing like that.’ She tripped over a bit of uneven ground as she spoke and Jade caught her arm, feeling pain shoot through her own wrenched muscles in the process.
‘Don’t lie to me, Sarah, please. You have to tell me. It’s important. Is Finn Ben’s father or isn’t he?’
‘Keep your voice down,’ Sarah pleaded, glancing over her shoulder. ‘Look, I can’t talk about this now. I’ve got to get Ben from Darren’s.’
‘I’ll come with you.’
‘No, you can’t. What about this place? Someone might come in who wants an animal.’
‘I’ll lock up and I’ll forward the landline to my mobile. Finn’s here anyway. Please, Sarah, we can’t just leave it like this. You have to tell me the truth. Best friends – remember?’
By the time they got back to reception, Sarah was almost in control of herself again. The colour was back in her face and her eyes were calm. They found Callum sitting reading a dog-homing brochure and there were four mugs of steaming tea on Jade’s desk. He glanced up and smiled.
‘Callum, I don’t suppose you could do us an enormous favour and answer the phone for ten minutes while Jade comes with me to collect Ben?’
‘Aye, sure I can,’ he said peaceably, ‘if that’s what you want.’
‘The parking can be tricky at Darren’s. It’ll be easier to park Jade’s Land Rover than the campervan. And I’m sure Ben will want to say thanks to Jade for having him. We’ll come straight back.’
He nodded and didn’t question this change of plan and Jade found herself thinking that it must make it a lot easier to lie if no one asked you any awkward questions. And then she berated herself for prejudging her closest friend, because she had said that Finn wasn’t Ben’s father. And although Jade wasn’t sure if she believed this, she was still clinging grimly on to the last shreds of hope that he wasn’t. Because if he was, then it changed everything. She couldn’t have a relationship with the man who was Ben’s father. She couldn’t even employ him any more. Not when a secret like that hung between them. Sarah might be prepared to lie to him forever, but she wasn’t. It wasn’t fair.
Worry and fear made her drive faster than usual and Sarah clung on to her seat belt as Jade hurtled around a corner.
‘You’ll get us pulled over if you’re not careful,’ she squealed. ‘Oh, Jade, I’m so sorry. If I’d known he was working here, I’d have told you. I’d never have let you fall for him.’
‘I haven’t fallen for him. And you can’t control how I feel.’
‘No, I know, I didn’t mean that. Oh my God, he’s met Ben, hasn’t he?’
‘You know he has. I told you. They get on really well.’
‘Well, he can’t see him again. I don’t want him in Ben’s life. I don’t want him to have anything to do with him.’
‘Listen to yourself, Sarah. For God’s sake, be reasonable.’ Jade yanked the Land Rover into a vacant space close to Darren’s house. ‘So, I take it Finn is Ben’s father, then, and you were lying just now when you said he wasn’t?’
Sarah hesitated. ‘I’m sorry. I was in shock. I never expected to see him again. Especially not here. Bloody hell, he mustn’t find out, Jade, it’d ruin everything. You have to promise me you won’t tell him.’
‘I can’t promise you that. You know how I feel about it – how I’ve always felt about it.’ Jade stared out at the blue sky beyond the window in the suburban road and remembered the arguments they’d had. Dozens and dozens of arguments over the identity of Ben’s father. She’d never won any of them and she had a feeling she wouldn’t win this one, either.
‘You’re going to have to tell him, Sarah. It’s not fair on either of them, not knowing. Not now they’ve met. They really like each other. Besides, even if you didn’t tell Ben, how are you going to explain that he’s not allowed to see Finn any more? He spends most of his free time at the rescue.’
‘You could sack him. You don’t even have to sack him, you could tell him you can’t afford him any more. He’s done masses of the work already and I told you Callum doesn’t mind helping out. We’ll spend every weekend there. You won’t lose out.’
‘No,’ Jade said, meeting Sarah’s blue eyes and seeing a mixture of fear and defiance in them. ‘I’m not throwing him out just because you can’t face up to the truth. That’s even less fair. He’s only been working for me for two weeks.’
They were still arguing when they got to Darren’s front door. But they broke off as soon as it was answered.
‘Mum,’ yelled Ben, hurling himself through the doorway and into Sarah’s arms. ‘You’re back. I didn’t know you were picking me up. ’
‘I wanted to surprise you.’
Jade saw Sarah’s face soften as she looked at him. And then Sarah was bending down to hug her son, who submitted to being kissed for a few moments, before pulling impatiently away.
‘Hello, Auntie Jade. Where’s Daddy Callum?’
‘He’s looking after the animals so Auntie Jade could come with me. That’s nice, isn’t it? Have you missed me?’
‘A bit,’ Ben said, rolling his eyes and checking over his shoulders to see if Darren was looking. His friend had come to the door more slowly. A woman who Jade presumed was Darren’s mum was smiling from a few feet behind him.
‘But I like staying at Auntie Jade’s. I’ve been looking after the chickens. I’ve been a big help, haven’t I, Auntie Jade?’
‘A very big help,’ she agreed.
‘His bag’s here.’ Darren’s mum came forward with the holdall.
‘Thanks so much. Has he behaved?’ Sarah asked as she took it.
‘They’ve been very good.’
‘Have you said thank you to Darren’s mum, Ben?’ Sarah took the holdall and Jade stepped back, feeling in the way of this mum-to-mum exchange.
‘Thank you very much. I had a very nice time,’ Ben said politely.
‘Oh, and don’t forget your picture, Ben. The boys were painting yesterday.’ Darren’s mum hurried off to get it and came back with a rolled-up tube of paper.
Another painting, Jade thought. Like father, like son. She remembered the night in the Red Lion, when they’d looked at her with identical expressions. It seemed so obvious now she knew.
Back in the Land Rover again, Ben was full of chatter about his week. ‘I’ve been learning how to paint properly. Finn’s been helping. He’s a proper artist. I’m going to be a proper artist when I grow up.’
In the seat beside her, Jade saw Sarah flinch and she felt a wave of compassion. What must it be like to have the past suddenly turn up on your doorstep? The past that was going to threaten your entire future happiness. She might not approve of what Sarah had done, but she couldn’t blame her for reacting like this.
‘Do you want to see my picture of Candy’s puppies?’ Ben added. ‘It’s at Auntie Jade’s. Finn said it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I want to show him my one I did last night. Can I show him when we get back?’
‘I think he might be busy at the moment. He won’t want to be interrupted.’
‘He likes looking at my paintings,’ Ben said, his lips tightening mutinously. ‘He says he never gets too busy for that.’
Sarah blinked a few times and Jade swallowed a massive ache in her throat. How on earth had they got into this mess?
There was no sign of Finn when they got back to Duck Pond Rescue, much to Ben’s obvious disappointment and Sarah’s obvious relief.
‘You’ll have to leave your picture with Auntie Jade to show Finn, sweetheart,’ Sarah told him as she began to carry Ben’s luggage out to the camper van. She gestured through the reception window for Callum to come out. ‘We need to get back. Anyway, don’t you want to get home and see what we got you in Scotland? ’
‘Suppose so.’
Sarah met Jade’s eyes over his head. ‘Please don’t say anything to him. Give me a couple of days. I need to think things through. Otherwise, the whole thing could be a nightmare. For both of them,’ she added, glancing at Ben. ‘You must know that.’
‘All right,’ Jade agreed, feeling the beginnings of a headache starting at her temples. ‘I won’t go blundering in – but you are going to deal with it, aren’t you?’
‘Of course.’ Sarah dipped her head and Jade felt as though already there was a wall growing between them. An insurmountable wall. On the one side was her friendship with Sarah, and she would never betray Sarah; but in order to protect her, she was going to have to lie through her teeth to Finn.
Finn came in early that evening, which was unusual. Jade was washing up in the kitchen when she heard him taking his boots off in the hall and hanging his coat by the front door. She realised how used to his presence she had become, even after a fortnight. How much she liked him being around.
She thought he might go straight upstairs, but he came into the kitchen and asked her if she wanted coffee. She nodded, moving out of his way so he could fill the kettle, anxious that they didn’t touch.
Finn spooned coffee into their mugs and Jade sensed his gaze on the back of her neck, but she didn’t turn round. This was madness. He was going to guess something was wrong. How could he not?
‘How’s your back now?’ His voice was mild. ‘I bet you ache a bit today, don’t you?’
‘It’s not too bad, thanks,’ she said, still without turning.
‘It’ll be quiet without Ben around,’ he remarked at the same moment as the kettle switched itself off.
‘Oh, he’ll soon be back,’ Jade murmured, emptying the washing-up bowl and rinsing it out and wondering what else she could do to avoid meeting his eyes.
‘Did his parents have a good time in Scotland? As good as they could, I mean, in the circumstances?’
‘Yes, I think they did.’ She found a teaspoon in the bottom of the sink and held it under the tap. At least that was one saving grace – Finn thought Callum was Ben’s father, so he wouldn’t be putting two and two together and coming up with the right answer.
‘Your coffee’s ready,’ Finn said mildly. ‘Jade, if that teaspoon’s done, can you sit down a minute. I want to talk to you about something.’
She turned around and even though he was standing at the furthest point away from her in the kitchen, she still felt threatened. If he started asking her questions about Sarah, she was going to have to lie and he was going to see straight through her. She’d always been hopeless at lying.
‘Is it to do with work?’ she asked, glancing at the kitchen clock and racking her brains frantically for a cast-iron reason for rushing out. ‘Because I’ve got to do a home check in Southampton in a minute, so I haven’t got long. We’ve got a surplus of dogs at the moment, and I need the space.’
‘It’s not to do with work. No,’ Finn replied, his voice casual. ‘Actually, it’s a bit more personal than work. Perhaps it would be better to discuss it another time. When you’re not so rushed.’
‘Much better,’ Jade said, relief flooding through her as she hurried across the kitchen. ‘Blimey, is that the time? I didn’t realise it was so late.’ She fled out of the door and then had to go back for the keys to the Land Rover, which she’d forgotten. She pulled back the main gates and locked them again behind her and wondered what had possessed her to say Southampton. What on earth was she going to do for the next couple of hours, so it would look like she’d been on a home check that was twenty-five miles away?