Chapter 29
Spencer
Spencer felt quite chuffed walking into the church hall with Beth and Archie for parent and baby group. It was his first time meeting everyone, and he wished he could introduce himself as Beth’s partner, but seeing how nobody asked, just assumed, he didn’t bring up the subject.
Beth was tugged to one side to browse over the items her friends had brought for the baby bank, and Spencer noticed the man called Edward was almost draped over her.
‘Hello, you must be Edward,’ said Spencer, tapping the man’s shoulder. ‘Beth mentioned something about a playdate one day for our kids.’
Edward smiled. ‘Yes, it would be nice.’
Spencer widened his smile. ‘We look forward to it.’
Beth turned to show him what was on the table. ‘Most of this is from Edward.’
Lola moved to her side. ‘That’s because he’s a shopaholic.’
Edward dramatically slapped his chest. ‘ Moi! Never.’
Shelby had everyone sit on the playmats, telling them they could talk all things baby bank afterwards.
Spencer subtly perused the group as they placed their babies before them and started singing something about a floppy scarecrow, which seemed to go down well with Archie, who was wriggling and smiling.
Beth got him involved when it was time for the parents to stand to do a few yoga moves to help realign the spine. He had to laugh when one of the older babies crawled off. Shelby quickly lifted the giggling boy so his mother could carry on stretching.
Archie kept his eyes on his dad, and Spencer thought it best not to show him up by toppling over while attempting the tree pose, especially as Edward looked as grounded as a mountain.
They sat back down, and Shelby asked if anyone had any concerns they’d like to talk through, which came as a surprise, as Spencer wasn’t expecting group therapy. He remained silent, listening to a woman speak about all things organic and how she felt a failure because she used the readymade food in jars.
Spencer wondered if he should be researching organic diets? He was sure he could secure a window box and grow something. Lottie was the one to ask. She practically had a whole allotment in her garden now. He’d have to start popping over more often to see what was on offer.
‘Spencer, do you have anything you’d like to add?’ asked Shelby, interrupting his thoughts on red bell peppers.
‘Hmm?’
Beth offered an encouraging smile.
Spencer looked from her to Archie, then at Shelby. ‘Oh, erm, I don’t think so.’
‘That’s okay,’ said Shelby. ‘But feel free to bring any topic to the mats when you’re here.’
Lola joked, ‘Yeah, like Moira talking about haemorrhoids for a solid twenty minutes the other week.’
Moira frowned. ‘Erm, excuse me, but we were talking selfcare after labour, thank you.’ She pointed at Edward. ‘More relevant than Ed going on about designer baby clothes.’
Spencer glanced at Lester to see what he was wearing. The baby’s dark romper looked like any other to him. Surely this wasn’t something he had to look into as well.
Lola changed the subject. ‘Ooh, I have a question. Has anyone put their baby’s name down for the nursery yet?’
‘Oh, I’ve never bothered until my kids turn two,’ said a woman, opening her blouse to breastfeed.
‘Two!’ gasped Edward. ‘I was told you should register with a school straight away.’
Lola raised her eyebrows. ‘What, like as you come out of the registry office, nip straight to a school?’ she said sarcastically.
Edward shrugged. ‘Lester is enrolled in Clairmont.’
Spencer had no idea what that meant, but judging by the gleam in the man’s eye, it was something to be proud of.
Lola sank into the mats. ‘Ooh, I wish I could afford to send my kid there.’
‘You can pay monthly,’ said Edward.
‘Yeah, if I want to give up my rent.’ Lola shook her head at him.
A conversation about private education went on for a while, only interrupted by Shelby telling everyone it was time to leave soon. That sentence seemed to mean something, as all parents snuggled their babies to their chests, Beth placing Archie on Spencer.
He went to ask what he was supposed to do, but a lullaby started to play from Shelby’s phone, and some of the parents started to quietly sing along.
Beth leaned closer to Spencer, stroking Archie’s hair while joining in with the song. Her chocolate eyes rolled his way for a moment, and he matched her warm smile before lowering his mouth to kiss his son’s head. He wished he could lean over and kiss her head too but didn’t feel it would be appropriate under the circumstances.
She continued to sing to Archie, and Spencer continued to melt into a pool of slush at the sight. As he glanced up, he saw Edward quickly look down at Lester.
Yeah, you keep watching, mate. This is my family. You can . . .
Lola suddenly snuggled into Edward’s side, and Spencer witnessed the loving look they shared. If they were a couple, no one had told him. He honestly thought Edward’s playdate line was code for trying to date Beth.
‘Are they together?’ he whispered close to Beth’s ear, grazing her lobe with his lips by accident. Never mind yoga, a packed Zumba class had just taken place in his stomach.
Beth nodded. ‘It’s new,’ she mouthed.
Shelby wrapped things up, and Spencer handed Archie to Beth so he could load the van.
‘Are you two coming to the kindness festival?’ he asked, watching Edward and Lola secure their babies in the prams. Now he knew Edward wasn’t making moves on Beth, he felt he could be his friend.
‘Yeah, we’ll be there,’ said Lola. ‘We’re taking turns to help Shelby shine a light on our group.’
‘Great.’ He turned to Beth, placing Archie in his car seat. ‘You strap him in the van and open the back doors, and I’ll grab this lot.’
It wasn’t long before they were heading to the Hub, and Spencer noticed how squashed Beth was the other end of the three seats in the front of his van. Archie’s car seat was pressing against his elbow as well.
‘I might look into a family car,’ he said quietly, as Archie was drifting off.
‘I was thinking of buying one. I’ve been saving for a while. Thought it might be easier getting around with Archie.’
‘We can go halves if you want. Do a bit of a car share.’
Beth laughed. ‘The way we’re going, we’d be in it together anyway.’
Spencer grinned. ‘Ah, nothing wrong with that.’ He pulled up outside the Hub, grabbed a box of baby clothes, and went straight inside to see Robson was on a shift with Alice.
Alice glanced in the box. ‘Ooh, that’s generous of people.’
‘Wait till you see the rest.’ Spencer motioned to the van.
‘I’ll help,’ said Robson, following him outside, where Beth was pulling Archie’s car seat out.
Spencer quickly took the seat from Beth, giving her back a gentle rub. ‘Go and sit down. We’ll sort this lot.’ He placed Archie out of the way, leaving Alice to coo over him, then brought the rest of the donations inside.
‘From the parent and baby group I attend,’ Beth told Alice as she sat.
Alice started to unbox some items to place in the storage room. ‘I just had someone come in earlier asking if we had breast pads.’
‘Jan told me she and Henley have been in touch with the local health visitors, and they’re going to give referrals to those in need, but I guess there will still be those passing that pop in on the off chance.’
Alice nodded. ‘Word of mouth.’
‘More people will hear about the baby bank at the kindness festival,’ said Robson, carrying two bags stuffed with nappies and wipes.
Once everything was inside, and Beth said she’d help sort through the items, Spencer told her he had to go to the flower shop to do the accounts.
‘I shouldn’t be too long, then we can grab some lunch.’
Beth agreed, and he almost kissed her goodbye, only pulling away at the last minute when he saw Alice grinning at him.
Mentally shaking his head at himself at how much harder it was getting to stay platonic with Beth, Spencer headed outside.
‘Hello, Spence.’
Spencer turned on the pavement to see an old school friend. ‘Hello, Darren. You all right?’
‘Yeah, all good. Just off to meet my missus in the pub.’ Darren beamed at Spencer. ‘Heard about you becoming a dad unexpectedly.’
Spencer smiled.
‘Same thing happened to my cousin a while back,’ added Darren, losing his grin. ‘He wasn’t told until the baby was born either. He bought one of those online DNA tests, just to be sure. Good thing he did, as it turned out he wasn’t the father after all. What a shock that was. He—’
‘Darren,’ called out a female voice, and both men glanced down towards the bend in the road.
Darren raised a hand to the blonde lady calling him. ‘There’s my wife. Better shoot off.’ He patted Spencer’s arm. ‘Keep well, mate, and congrats on the baby.’
Spencer said goodbye and watched his friend walk away. The thought of a paternity test wasn’t something he needed to bother with. Archie looked like his sister, and why would Beth lie? Huffing to himself, he entered his shop.
Lottie was out the back, busy making bouquets with one of their staff members, Sarah.
‘Hey, how’s it going?’ he asked, sitting at the table in the corner.
‘We had a busy hour, then it went quiet for the rest of the morning. I’ve got two deliveries for you though. Any time after lunch will be fine.’
Spencer nodded as he opened up a spreadsheet on the laptop.
The doorbell jingled, and Sarah went out front to serve the customer.
‘How was parent and baby group?’ asked Lottie.
He peered over his shoulder. ‘Did you know you can buy designer prams?’
She nodded as she laughed.
Spencer shook his head. ‘Well, I certainly learned a few new things.’ He turned back to the screen. ‘Beth loves it there. You should see her, Lott. She was practically glowing this morning.’
‘She’s getting better, that’s why. You have something to do with that too, you know.’
He glanced her way. ‘I’m not taking her credit. She’s been learning lots of coping techniques with Jan. Plus, everything’s easier when you have help.’
‘And love.’
Spencer made a start on the accounts, ignoring where Lottie was taking the conversation. He was having enough trouble lately thinking about being closer to Beth, and now a paternity test niggled. No, he simply wasn’t going to think about that at all. But there it lurked.
Sarah and the customer’s muffled voices could be heard out front, and Spencer hoped she’d stay there awhile, because he wanted to seek Lottie’s advice.
‘Lottie, can I ask you something?’
‘Since when do you ask?’
He shrugged one shoulder and offered a half-smile. ‘It’s just personal.’
Lottie turned to face him fully as she nodded.
He glanced at the shopfront, making sure no one could hear. ‘It’s about Archie.’
Her eyes widened. ‘What about him?’
‘I just bumped into my old schoolmate Darren outside, and he told me about how his cousin found himself in the same situation as me.’
Lottie gave him a confused look. ‘What situation?’
‘Being told he was a dad.’
‘And?’ she whispered.
Spencer’s stomach flipped. ‘His cousin did a paternity test and it turned out the baby wasn’t his.’
‘Oh, I see. And now the seed has been well and truly planted in your head.’
Spencer quietly sighed. ‘Do you think I should do one?’
‘I guess that depends on you.’
‘What if people think I’m an idiot for not taking one?’
‘Since when do you care what others think? Anyway, how would they know?’
Spencer gestured towards the shopfront. ‘I took Beth’s word, but that was mostly because Archie reminded me so much of you when you were his age, and then I got to know Beth, and she’s lovely and nice, and I don’t think she would lie to me.’
‘But it’s bothering you now. I can see.’
‘I believe Archie is mine, but it wouldn’t hurt to be totally sure, would it?’
‘I guess not, if it puts your mind at ease. Talk to Beth. See what she thinks.’
Spencer shook his head. ‘No, I’m not letting her know. How am I supposed to bring that up now? That’s something you do in the beginning. It might upset her if I did it now.’
Lottie offered a small smile. ‘I don’t know what to say, Spence. You’re the only one who knows if this will play on your mind.’
It was something he could do by himself, perhaps. That way, he wouldn’t risk Beth thinking he didn’t trust her, and at the same time he would have the confirmation to wipe away the niggle.
No, I’m not doing it. Archie is my child .
Trying to shift the thought of testing, he turned back to the accounts.
Lottie came closer to him, resting a hand on his shoulder. ‘You’ve fallen for her, haven’t you?’
It was hard trying to add up while his little sister was pressing him for info.
‘Why don’t you tell her how you feel, Spence?’
The numbers on the screen seemed to shrink, and he wondered if he needed glasses.
‘Have you opened up to her at all? It might be easier for you to talk about things like paternity tests if you had that kind of relationship. Perhaps tell her your birth name or—’
Spencer turned so quickly, he could have got whiplash. ‘Have you told Sam my real name?’
‘No,’ she replied sheepishly, and that told him she had.
‘You’d better not tell anyone else,’ he said through clenched teeth. ‘I didn’t change that through deed poll for nothing.’
‘So you haven’t told Beth then?’
‘No, I haven’t,’ he said, trying to focus on work.
Lottie moved away. ‘Best you two don’t get into a relationship,’ she muttered, causing his shoulders to flop.
Don’t take the bait .
‘Why’s that?’ he asked.
‘Well, if you can’t be honest with her.’
‘Erm, excuse me, I’ve never lied to Beth, thank you very much.’
‘You won’t tell her how you feel, your birth name, or talk about paternity testing. Hardly screams “team”.’
Spencer slapped his chest. ‘I’m not going to risk upsetting her unnecessarily. Plus it could make things awkward. Anyway, I might not bother, so there’s no point bringing up the subject at all.’ Perhaps he could go online to check it out. There was no harm in a quick peek.
‘It’s up to you if you want to keep things hidden, but one of my favourite things about my relationship with Sam is that we know everything about each other. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Sometimes I feel like we’re one person, we’re that connected. It’s a nice feeling, Spence. If you just stopped closing doors on yourself, you might get to find out.’
Easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one who closed her heart as a child, thinking it safer that way. The times he’d sat and analysed himself to the point of headache were more than he could count. He knew what he was like, and, yes, he closed many doors, but he used to let Rebecca in sometimes, even George. Could he really let go of the tight hold he had on himself?
He glanced at the laptop, knowing he could do an online search for DNA testing straight away. ‘House of bloody cards, that’s what I live in,’ he mumbled, but Lottie heard.
‘You used to, but then you got to grow up in a solid home. You just couldn’t see it. Now, well, who knows what kind of world you see. I love you, Spencer. You’ve always been my favourite person. I just wish you’d see the beauty in life, then perhaps you’d stop being so afraid that something will always go wrong.’
‘Things do go wrong.’
‘Of course they do. That’s life. But it doesn’t mean we stop living because of it. You’ve pretty much lived your life like some sort of Groundhog Day, constantly looking for the bad.’
She had a point. He was looking for the bad just thinking about doing a paternity test. He could ignore the idea and carry on as he had been, but no. He was making his own waves, letting part of his brain tell him that there might be a chance Archie wasn’t his son, because why would life be good to him?
Another part of his brain reminded him how he had made life good for himself. ‘I changed after your accident.’
Lottie sighed. ‘I know, and I see how much more you smile now, but I also notice your old self popping up to say hello every so often. I see it with you and Beth.’
‘If my old self was up and running around Beth, I’d have tried to get her into bed by now.’
‘Ah, so that’s what’s stopping you. You’re worried if you get intimate with her, you might run away the next morning.’
Spencer scoffed. ‘I’m not talking about intimacy with you.’
‘Anyway, that wasn’t what I meant. I was talking about your old ways stopping you from enjoying life.’
‘I am enjoying my life, thank you.’
‘You’ll enjoy it a whole lot more once you’re honest with Beth.’
‘So you think telling her my parents named me Spaceman Spencer Jordan will miraculously change everything?’ He jumped as a ball of ribbon hit his back.
‘I think you opening up to her will change you.’
‘She already knows about my childhood.’
‘Everyone knows about that, Spence. Our family made the news.’
Spencer shrugged, feeling a tad deflated with his sister’s interference. He happened to think he was doing quite well with his life, thank you. Everything was easy with Beth as it was. Wasn’t it? There were those times when he wanted to kiss her lips, and then when they hugged he didn’t want to let go. Why did he always have to think bad times were ahead? He knew why. He just wished he could stay in happy mode forever.