Thirty-six
Gill trembled when Joe’s lips brushed hers. It had been the merest touch, but with it, it was as if her world shifted on its axis.
‘I’m sorry,’ Joe said, ‘but you looked so…’ He touched her cheek gently with his finger.
Gill trembled again, feeling the same rush of desire as when Joe’s arms had wrapped around her on the dive boat. She quickly stifled it and pulled away. She wasn’t ready for this, whatever this was.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘If you don’t want me to…’
‘It’s not…’ How was she to explain to this lovely man about the vow she’d made to herself never to become involved with a man again? But there was also her decision to change, a small voice reminded her.
‘It’s late. You’ve had a big day,’ Joe said, filling the silence. Why don’t we talk about this some other time? Can we meet for breakfast tomorrow?’
Gill swallowed. Would anything be different tomorrow ? But it would give her breathing space, and things might look different in the light of day. Her mother had always told her to sleep on a problem, that things always looked better in the morning. So, that’s what she’d do. ‘Breakfast sounds good,’ she said, her voice shaking.
‘ The Blue Dolphin at eight? Will that give you time for your swim?’
Gill nodded, unwilling to trust her voice again. She couldn’t imagine she’d feel like swimming tomorrow with breakfast with Joe to look forward to.
‘Poppy and Cam will be there. They always are on Sundays, but we don’t need to join them.’
Gill nodded again. ‘Okay,’ was all she could say. She gave Joe a tight smile, and pushed open the door to the apartment building, relieved to be inside.
The apartment was silent when she went in. Freya must still be out. Gill hoped she was having fun. She deserved something good to happen to her, to help her to forget the man in California, to believe in the future again.
As she undressed, and slipped into bed, Gill wondered if she could do that too, believe in a future… with Joe?
Gill lay awake, thoughts whirling around in her head till she heard the door open and close. Freya was home. She fell into an uneasy sleep, tormented by visions of a demanding Max, whilst running from the charms of gentleman Joe.
*
Gill awoke tired and disgruntled; she was no further forward in her thinking. It was dark outside, so she decided to go for her usual swim to help clear her mind.
There was no sign of Freya, and when Gill peeped into her daughter’s room, she saw she was still sound asleep, the clothes she had been wearing the previous evening scattered on the floor. Gill didn’t know what time her daughter had come home last night, but it had been late. She closed the door quietly.
Once at the beach, Gill felt the customary lift in her mood as the sky began to lighten. After greeting the other swimmers, she ran into the ocean and swam strongly out into the bay.
This morning, when she turned on her back to float, she thought again about what had happened with Joe… his kiss, her reaction. Had she been too quick to dismiss the emotions which surfaced at his touch? Could she… should she… allow herself to feel again? She had kept her emotions in check for so long, it would be like pulling off a band aid. The sky changed colour, the sun hinted at its arrival, and Gill experienced the sensation of lightness she always did at the emergence of a new day.
Back on the beach, she responded to the greetings of the others, towelled herself dry and pulled on her shorts and tee-shirt. She was about to leave, when Olivia joined her.
‘No Freya today?’ she asked.
‘She had a late night and was still asleep when I left. It’s good to see her having some fun.’
‘You too.’
Gill stared at her friend, unsure what she meant. She couldn’t know about Joe, could she ?
As if reading Gill’s uncertainty, Olivia said, ‘You need some fun in your life too. I know things are difficult for you at the moment, have been for some time. But you can’t live your life in Max’s shadow for ever. He’s moved on. It’s time you did too.’
Gill stared at her again. In the past Olivia had skated around the issue of what Gill should do with her life. This was the first time she’d spoken so bluntly.
‘How about breakfast?’ Olivia said, when Gill didn’t reply.
Gill shivered, suddenly remembering her promise of breakfast with Joe. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve already made plans for breakfast. Maybe next week.’
‘Okay.’
As Olivia picked up her towel and left, Gill hoped her friend didn’t intend to have breakfast at The Blue Dolphin this morning. How would she feel if Olivia saw her there with Joe? Suddenly, she decided she didn’t care. She shrugged and headed to her car.
When Gill arrived home, the aroma of coffee beans greeted her. A bleary-eyed Freya was seated at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a mug of coffee.
‘Good morning, sweetheart.’ Gill went across to give her daughter a hug. ‘You were asleep when I left. Late night?’
‘Mmm. There’s plenty of eggs if you’d like them.’ She gestured to the pan of scrambled eggs. A plate containing a slice of toast and a portion of egg looked untouched. ‘I’m not very hungry.’
‘Did you have a nice time?’
‘Hmm. We had dinner at the yacht club, then went back to Gary and Mandy’s for drinks. They’re going sailing today.’
Gill waited. Was Freya joining them?
‘I said I might go but…’ she yawned, ‘… I think I might go back to bed.’ She yawned again.
‘It’s a lovely day. It would be awesome out on the bay.’
‘Hmm. What about you? You went out with the mayor, didn’t you?’ Freya suddenly seemed to revive.
‘With Joe, and Poppy and Cam. We had a lovely meal at Crossings , then I came home.’
‘Are you going to have breakfast?’ Freya pushed her plate away.
‘I’m going out for breakfast.’
‘With the mayor?’ Freya asked, clearly not expecting Gill’s answer to be in the affirmative.
‘With Joe. Yes.’
Freya’s eyes, which had been half-closed, suddenly became wide open. ‘Wow!’ she said.
‘You should eat something,’ Gill said. ‘I’m going to have a shower and get dressed. Don’t spend the whole day in bed.’
‘Yes, Mum,’ Freya said in a mocking tone, as Gill left the room.
Gill thought she heard a phone ring when she was in the shower, and by the time she emerged, dressed in a pair of jeans and a bright pink shirt over a long-sleeved, white tee-shirt, she could hear the shower running in the main bathroom.
Before leaving, she popped her head into the bathroom. ‘I’m off now,’ she said. ‘Did I hear the phone?’
Freya stuck her head out of the shower recess. ‘Rory called. I’m meeting them at the marina.’
Gill smiled. It hadn’t taken much for Freya to forget her tiredness. She was glad her daughter seemed to be putting what had happened to her in California behind her and was enjoying herself. Maybe she should take a page out of Freya’s book.
Joe was waiting for her outside the café. He looked relieved when she joined him, greeting her with a hug and kiss on the cheek, sending her stomach fluttering again. ‘Good morning. Sleep well?’ he asked.
‘Not great,’ she admitted, ‘but I went swimming this morning and it helped me wake up.’
‘Good.’
She expected him to say more, but instead, he led her inside. On the way they said good morning to Poppy and Cam who looked surprised to see them. They were on their own this morning.
When they were seated, Joe asked, ‘Coffee?’
‘Yes, please.’ Gill had missed her morning herbal tea and hadn’t taken time to have coffee with Freya. Perhaps she should have , she thought as a wave of guilt engulfed her. She picked up a menu.
They ordered breakfast, savoury mince with a poached egg on Turkish bread for Gill, and eggs benedict with smoked salmon for Joe. Their coffees arrived. Gill took a sip, feeling better as the caffeine entered her system.
‘About last night,’ Joe said. ‘I’m sorry if I overstepped the mark. I didn’t intend to upset you.’
‘You didn’t. It’s me.’ Gill picked up her cup again, then put it down. She ran a finger around the rim. ‘Since Max left, I’ve bottled up my emotions, vowed never to let my guard down with a man again, decided I couldn’t trust any of them.’ She gazed across the table into the brown eyes regarding her with such concern. ‘I guess the clients I deal with every day didn’t help, either. When all you see, all day, every day, is broken marriages, unhappy women, it tends to rub off. In my case, it only served to confirm my viewpoint.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I am too, sorry for the way I reacted last night. You’d done nothing to deserve it, quite the reverse. You’re the kindest, gentlest man I know. Can we start again? This time, I promise I won’t act like an idiot.’
‘You didn’t… act like an idiot, more like someone who was confused.’
He was right. She had been confused. She thought about what Freya had said, Olivia too. She deserved to have some fun, to live a little, to move on from all the stuff which had been holding her back, keeping her tied to a past which she couldn’t change. But she could.
‘I was, but not anymore. I would like to get to know you better, and I promise not to pull away next time…’ She glanced at Joe with a tentative smile. It would serve her right if he had changed his mind about her. But he was here, wasn’t he? ‘But I’m not sure if I’m ready for…’ She paused. How could she say she wasn’t ready to have sex with him? He hadn’t suggested it, might not even be thinking about it. Maybe it was a fallacy that it was all men thought about.
Their meals arrived. Joe waited till the waitress had left, then said, ‘Sounds good to me. Let’s take it slowly, see how we’re travelling, and take it from there. Deal?’
‘Deal,’ Gill said in relief.