Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
N ina cleaned the upstairs bathroom of her Shepton Mallet home. As with the lounge downstairs, it had huge windows giving it a bright outlook. This meant they were able to sit in the bathtub with countryside views. With the house being isolated, there was no need for blinds. She decided to take a bath when she’d finished cleaning through. The urge to power through the whole house before Ethan returned was overwhelming. They used to have a cleaner but coincidently she was off on maternity leave and with Ethan away so much, and her being out of the house a lot of the day herself, it was easy to keep on top of, so she’d not appointed a new person.
She wiped over the taps. Am I nesting already? she asked herself. Although she knew she was prone to doing housework when she was stressed, as well as reordering her drawers and closet. It was as if reordering her home meant she was ordering her life. She stood back looking at the gleaming room, which now smelled of lemon cleaning product, and breathed out slowly. As much as she knew she would have to move to a more populated area, she’d loved living in the country with Ethan, cocooned in their own slice of paradise, away from the world and their busy lives. Life moves on, she told herself, feeling guilty in that moment for hankering after her old life, the time before she found out she was pregnant. Life had been busy, but their personal life had always been so simple. She loved Ethan, he loved her and neither had ever given the other cause for concern. They were going to be together, forever. She felt a warmth enter her body. She still believed that, and yes, this probably was a test to their relationship, when they had not been tested before, but she was convinced they’d pull through.
She hummed as she collected the cleaning products. She had sold most of her stock at the shop and had put a sign up to say she was temporarily closed. That would enable her to source the goods and rearrange the racks in the shop to display the new items. She had seen a sale of bulk items which she intended to attend and hoped to source goods to sell.
As she walked down the stairs she stopped short to find Ethan sitting at the breakfast bar.
“I didn’t hear you come in?” She wasn’t expecting him until the following morning.
“I just got back. I heard the water running and assumed you were in the shower.”
Nina reached the ground floor and put the cleaning fluid on the worktop, feeling she wasn’t ready for the conversation she knew she had to have. Not for the big discussion. She wanted that long soak in the bath and to prepare herself. She shot a glance to the coffee table where she’d left the scan picture. Has he seen it? “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.” She smiled at him but her body tensed.
“I caught an earlier flight. I can’t stop worrying about you. I want to hold you. We’ve always done everything together. And I feel bad, leaving you here to go through all this on your own. I don’t want us to be apart. I’ve come back to talk about our future.” He stretched his arms out. “Can we chat about it now?”
She reached out to him for a hug, and breathed in the scent of his aftershave as she felt his arms around her, not realising how much she’d really missed him. “I love you, Ethan.” Without warning, she began to sob uncontrollably, releasing the tension that had built up. The strain of having to put on a brave face. Of missing the man who’d been her best friend for five years which to her felt like an eternity. Of not really remembering what it was like not to have him in her life.
“I love you too, babe. And I’m so sorry. I’ve been an idiot. I should have postponed the meetings I had.” He lowered his voice. “I’ve missed this. Us two, together. I’ve been so upset by this whole thing. And it’s been worse for you. You had to go through it. You mean everything to me.” He squeezed her tight.
She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “I can’t imagine doing this without you.” She had to tell him.
“Doing what?” he asked.
She wiped her eyes with her hands and leaned back looking into his eyes. “I’m sorry Ethan, but I’m too far gone.”
“What do you mean? Are you saying you’re still pregnant? I thought you had another appointment.”
She didn’t reply as she stared into his eyes, trying to judge his thoughts and muster up in her mind what it was exactly she planned to say. But instead her mind went blank. “I’ve been waiting for you to come home, so we can discuss it properly.”
“You still haven’t decided? Why didn’t you tell me? We should have been discussing it together.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have gone away.” He shook his head. “You’ve been here, no doubt with your parents putting pressure on you. I take it they know?”
“Yes, they do, but they haven’t interfered.”
“Who else knows?”
“Holly, Jaz…” She didn’t add that Warren knew. He didn’t even know who Warren was. She felt a pang of guilt that other people knew her situation, something Ethan was connected to, when he didn’t.
“No doubt Holly and Jaz have told Mitch and Julian, for goodness’ sake if Jaz knows the whole of Eversley’s probably talking about it. Why did you tell them?”
She decided she needed to get straight to the point and went to the coffee table and picked up the picture she’d been carrying around in her purse. It fluttered as her hand shook. She returned to Ethan. “It’s too late,” she said, trying her best to keep her voice steady. “I’m too pregnant.” She handed him the picture. “It’s months, not a few weeks.”
“What?” Ethan stared at the picture as she held it, not taking it from her, as if he didn’t want to accept it. Then looked at her belly and turned away. He walked to the living area and stood in front of the windows. “No, no, no!” he called out, putting his head in his hands.
Watching his natural reaction filled Nina with fear. Her heart pounded as she felt a chill seep into her veins. It was clear that to Ethan, a child was something he was going to struggle to come to terms with. She didn’t expect him to be happy, she knew he’d be fed up, but not this much. Not mortified. She expected him to be more matter-of-fact. He was always so calm, someone who meditated, not someone who cried out in desperation.
He took a breath so deep she heard it, then turned around. “How far exactly are you?”
She didn’t want to speak with such a space between them so approached him. “Over three months. It’s due at the end of October.”
“How did you not know you were pregnant? Isn’t it sensible to keep an eye on these things?”
“I’ve already told you, I was stressed with canvassing. My period often stops when I’ve a lot going on.” Her mouth felt dry so she turned and walked over to the sink. “I thought my period had stopped due to stress.” She filled a glass with water.
“You should have taken a test after the first missed period!” he said, having followed her to the kitchen area.
She took a long drink of water, still not facing him. She could not bear to see his face, so disappointed. She already felt a connection with her child, and him rejecting it was giving her a sense of conflict. She took a slow breath, telling herself to stay calm. She turned around. “What I should or shouldn’t have done isn’t relevant now. It’s happened and there’s nothing we can do about it. All we can do is discuss what happens next.”
“But Nina, I have to move to Qatar. I can’t manage this project from a distance.”
She took his hand. “I want us to be a family. I know you have to be away at times. Women have children while their husbands are in the forces. It’s a way of life for many. If you insist, then of course I’ll go to Qatar, but I’m not sure it’s the best thing for our child, and I have the shop, and our parents are here to support us.”
“Oh, no. You haven’t told my mother have you?”
“No. Ma’s keeping it to herself, waiting for me to discuss it properly with you. I’m sorry I didn’t explain on the call the other day. But we need to talk this out, sensibly in person.”
“Agreed. We need to look at the options. Every option.” He sighed. “I’ll take my case up and take a shower.”
“Shall I order in food?” she said. “I’ve nothing in as I wasn’t expecting you.” She did have food in, but not vegan, and she’d decided to opt for a diet without supplements for her pregnancy and one that included dairy.
“Sure.” He took the stairs.
Nina smiled to herself as Ethan climbed the stairs. As stressed as he was, he’d not said no. He’d not said he was leaving her, he’d not refused to be a father. And he’d said he loved her and missed her. She felt relief wash over her. They’d work it out she knew that. It was bound to have been a shock.
Nina called Ethan once the food had arrived, she’d ordered Indian, the same selection they always had. A vegetable aloo tikki, a vegetable biryani, and chana masala – she loved the chickpeas cooked in a spicy tomato-based sauce. And they had a chapati, ensuring it was not served with ghee. She knew she should eat, even if she didn’t always feel like it. The morning sickness had faded but she still always felt better with something in her stomach.
Ethan walked down the stairs with a tired expression. “Can we discuss this tomorrow? I can’t think straight.”
“Of course, let’s enjoy the evening. I missed you so much.” She gave him a hug and felt his body shake as she realised he was crying. She squeezed him tighter, feeling acutely close to the man she loved, completely. “We can face anything, Ethan. Together.”
Later, after a comforting evening in front of the television, they went to bed and she held him close, feeling such a pure connection, wanting him so much and when he turned around, they made love so sweetly it made her cry.
After, as she laid her head on his chest, she knew he would come around and in that moment, had never felt so in love.