Chapter Six
Rachel appreciated Lance coming to update her on the horrible event. Being hugged close meant the world to her. A soft feeling of love surrounded her and soothed her broken spirit.
Then niggling unease gushed again. Her heart told her she needed to leave… go back to the scene. Something drove her. A feeling so intense it couldn’t be ignored. You need to be there. She didn’t understand it. If she had to put it into words, she’d have said that Damon called to her.
But that sounded ludicrous. How could she explain this ridiculous craving to Lance?
She stepped back and looked into his face. “Would you do something for me?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“Would you see the kids off to school this morning?”
He stiffened before asking, “Why Rachel?”
Unable to look him in the face and yet unable to lie, she stood with her head bowed. “He’s calling to me, Lance. I have to go back to the building site.”
Lance’s body heaved from a sigh so deep it forced her to look into his face.
Their eyes caught and for the first time ever, she saw the deepest green pools of love no sane woman could ignore.
She’d always known he cared for her and the kids but this…
this intensity made her weak. Then he looked away and the moment was broken.
“Of course, I will.” Tension sparked and his voiced cracked. “I’ll always help you and the kids with whatever you need. But, Rachel, I can’t let you destroy yourself.” When she stiffened, he questioned, “Do you understand?”
“I-I think so.”
“Grief is normal, understandable, and acceptable. But guilt is a waste of your emotions. Look, I loved him too. Many times to my detriment because he played on that, played me like a harp, and I never stopped him. Enabling that kind of behavior became his downfall. Guess I always expected him to control himself, not understanding that the child in him never could or would.” His hands curved around the back of his neck.
His stance that of a sad man trying to explain something he wasn’t sure of himself.
Then he admitted, “Since the incident, he’s been on my mind a lot too. So I do understand.”
Rachel couldn’t believe that Lance had such insight into his brother.
Or that he could be so vocal and perceptive, a man who seldom talked more than a few words unless he joked with the kids.
These painful moments, when she needed a friend, she knew he’d be there, listening, understanding, yet cautioning her not to go too far down that rabbit hole of misery. He made her feel safe.
Unthinking, she dove back into his arms and hugged him as tight as he’d allow. Gushing, she spoke quickly, “Thank you, Lance. He was so lucky to have you as his brother. I love you.”
Then she’d rushed to get ready and left before he could change his mind.
On the way back to the section of town that had been devastated by the earthquake, she thought about what had just happened.
About how she’d reacted to Lance, telling him she loved him.
How shocking that might appear when moments earlier she’d confessed to him about telling her husband she no longer felt that way about him.
Lance’s face appeared in her mind and instantly brought a smile. The shy man had always been around, living in the background of her marriage. The guy who’d step in to babysit whenever Damon could convince her to leave the kids and pay some attention to him.
Suddenly, a scene unfolded in her memory.
One night, Damon’s irritation had blown up into a rampage.
“Rachel, that kid never shuts up. Can’t you do something?
” Nico had been teething and the redness on his checks and his swollen gums proof that it wasn’t going well.
She knew that some babies had a harder time than others. Unlike Rosie, Nico suffered much more.
“Damon, he’s teething. He can’t help crying, he’s in pain. I’m sorry if it bothers you.”
“Hell, he cries every night. Look sweetcakes, I’ll call Lance to come and babysit, and we can go out.
It’s your birthday. I want to take my girl out and buy her dinner for her special day.
” Damon moved behind her, wrapped his arms around her stomach, and kissed her neck until her legs turned to rubber.
Then he ramped up the sweet talk, coaxing her… not willing to accept a no.
Mixed emotions of wanting to please him yet stay with Nico rose, making her waver rather than saying a firm no.
Of course, she’d have loved to get dolled up and go with Damon.
She missed those nights when he’d take her to a restaurant and shower compliments on her then haul her onto the dance floor where he’d hold her so close that their bodies felt glued together.
That’s when sexual desire would enflame them both. In fact, there were times they wouldn’t make it out of the parking lot before Damon had her dress hiked up in the back seat of his truck while he took his pleasure.
Deep into the fantasy, her body so inflamed she wasn’t safe driving, she had to pull over to the side of the road and allow her mind to go back to one night in particular. One of the last times they had been together.
They’d gone to the roadhouse, a favorite place of Damon’s where smoke filled the joint, beer stunk up the place, and a live band filled the air with thumping, foot-stomping music.
A place where everyone knew Damon. Most called out respectfully, even teasingly, and that always made his swagger more extreme. He got off on being noticed.
That night, they’d drunk more than usual, or he had. She always limited herself to a few beers so she could drive home. One difference that plagued her, they had a stranger babysit the kids, one she wasn’t too sure if she trusted but Damon had insisted on hiring so they could have the night out.
Then he’d plied her with outrageous compliments, whispering things in her ear to get her hot, things he knew she loved to hear. About how much he needed her. How pretty she was. His flirty smiles and teasing kisses got to her, like he knew they would.
Hiking up her dress almost indecently, his hand found the soft skin on her leg, and he took advantage of the concealed booth to manipulate her sweet spot under the table.
Trying to stop him became impossible. Besides, did she want to?
It felt great. He was her husband. It had been a long time since he’d shown her this kind of attention.
Having already seduced her with his searing stares and wandering fingers, the outlandish compliments worked to make her compliant and willing to be his slave. By the time he’d convinced her to dance with him, she’d been as weak as a kitten, wanting to please her master.
His whispers had lavished her with loving comments, while his body mastered hers until she’d clung to him in desperation.
Both their needs were off the charts. Unable to stand another minute of the foreplay, he’d rushed her outside where he picked her up in his arms and hurried them to his truck’s back seat, pushed her inside, and followed.
Within seconds, he’d pulled off her panties, opened himself and gotten on top, pleasuring them both until their panting groans finally ceased once he’d growled out his orgasm.
Did she experience the same pleasure? Not really.
It had happened too fast… too hard. He’d pushed and plunged his way inside her soaking body without any thought to her satisfaction.
Yet it had happened the same way many times before in the early days, and she’d always flown along with him.
Funny thing, this time after he stepped away, all Rachel felt was violated.
***
Returning to the present, closing her drenched eyes, she put her forehead on the steering wheel she hugged.
Facing the one issue she’d always shied away from, she let the reflections loose.
The emptiness of his love-making might have started slowly, but nonetheless, it became an insidious poison affecting their relationship.
Damon, being all about himself, hadn’t noticed her quietness that night or any time since. Taking for granted that if he reached orgasm, then she would certainly have too, he’d acted like an award-winning lover who’d performed as a hero to be idolized.
And she’d never told him differently. That for more than a few years, he hadn’t actually satisfied her – not one time – and she’d kept it all inside.
Each and every occasion they’d been intimate, she’d pretend to be gratified.
Then afterward, she’d swallow her frustrations and accept the blame for not being able to respond.
Flimsy excuses that even she stopped believing.
When she told him she’d been up for two nights with Nico, that she was tired, he’d coaxed her out of it and yielding had been easier than arguing.
Or how about the days the kids had both suffered colds and the flu and their constant demands had exhausted her.
Yet he’d have his way because she hated when he sulked.
Or even the time her stomach hurt to where she couldn’t keep food down.
He’d told her to stop being a baby and simply pushed her over and assaulted her body, but it turned out she’d had a throat infection which took two weeks of penicillin to cure.
No matter how many times she’d tried making their sexual experiences sweet and gentle, easy and slow, he’d ignore her needs by taking his own satisfaction and leaving her empty.
She straightened and wiped her tears, looking around at the other people driving by.
Starting the car, she drove on and parked near the piles of rubble, noticing that the hive of activity had shrunk.
Glancing from one person to the next, it hit her like a brick to the side of her head.
No one cared about her or her family. They all had their own lives to live and didn’t have time to worry about Rachel Marks and her newly orphaned children.
Unexpectedly, one face loomed in front of her and wouldn’t be ignored.
Lance cared.
***