Chapter 20
20
Kayla
He could make refinancing difficult for you if he wanted to. I haven’t forgotten what Gabe said about Adam at Mickey’s. I haven’t forgotten Adam’s furious face when he confronted me just days ago. An obvious solution would be to just call it quits with Gabe. Thank him for a lovely evening, wish him well, and part ways.
And yet. Gabe’s touch had awakened something in me that I barely knew was there. The sex I’d had before had been more or less pleasant, but definitely not mind-blowing. Whenever I’d read descriptions of amazing sex in books, I mostly assumed the authors were making it up. But it isn’t just that Gabe is a better lover than the other guys I’ve been with, though he undoubtedly is. It’s that I’d been able to relax with him. I felt like he would take care of me, and that, in turn, he would let me take care of him. It was like arriving in a new city on a strange planet and already feeling at home. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so in tune with another person.
I hate that I lied to him about what happened with Adam. But it hadn’t seemed fair to come between them. Adam is Gabe’s only sibling, and he also has three adorable children who shouldn’t be deprived of their (undoubtedly awesome) uncle. It would be one thing if Gabe and I were serious, but as much as I like him, I can’t get serious about anyone right now. And I certainly don’t need Adam making my financial situation more difficult than it already is.
I also hate that I have no new texts from Gabe at the end of my shift. Once again, I put myself in the wrong, so once again, I really should be the one to reach out. Urgh.
For far too long, I stand in the dark closet that doubles as a locker room, staring at my bright phone screen and trying to compose the perfect text.
I’m sorry about what happened with Jeff earlier. It had nothing to do with you
Nope, that’s a lie. Try again.
I’m sorry about what happened with Jeff earlier. An irate customer yelled at me the other day
Closer to the truth, but if it was just an irate customer, why wouldn’t I have told Gabe so immediately? Why be so weird and cagey? Okay, third time’s the charm:
I’m sorry about what happened with Jeff earlier. I really can’t get into it, but I’m definitely not seeing anyone else. I would love to get together again whenever we can find time
Send . I don’t think I can do better than that. Not for the first time, I feel like my writing skills have failed me. I stare at my phone until it locks, then unlock it again and stare some more. My heart leaps when I see three little dots appear. I try not to panic when it seems like he’s thinking for waaaayyy too long. Finally a text comes through:
Do you want to go to dinner with me at the Lakefront Grille tomorrow night?
Now I really do panic. Dinner ? At a restaurant ? In front of people ? I was not expecting him to propose such an obviously date-like date . It seems so official , plus the Lakefront Grille is upscale enough that I can’t wear sneakers. My palms start to sweat, but there’s no way I can say no.
Sure, I’d love to! I’ll have to switch shifts with Mandy, but that will probably be okay
Great! Can I pick you up at 8:00?
Sounds good! See you then!
I can’t help but feel like he’s simply called my bluff and is faking enthusiasm just as much as I am. What happened to the people who, just hours ago, were flirtatiously debating the merits of tucked versus untucked sheets?
Re-enforcement will clearly be needed.
“It’s a date ,” Allison stresses, staring dejectedly into my closet the following night. “Not a colonoscopy. You like Gabe. Stop acting like he’s doing this to torture you.”
“I did like Gabe,” I fret, twisting my fingers together. “I liked him when he was just Fun, Sweet, Casual Guy, but now I feel like he’s taking me to a fancy restaurant as a test, like he’s trying to see if I can fit into his world?—”
“Have you been to the Lakefront Grille at all recently?” Allison darts a look at me. “It is really not that fancy. And the Kentwood Café has much better food.” She sighs. “I wish you had told me about this earlier. I could’ve brought you something from home.”
Which is precisely why I purposefully waited until this morning to tell her, after she was already at work. If I had given her advance warning, she would have tried to force me into some kind of floaty, frilly thing, never mind the fact that I’m about six inches taller than her and at least a cup size smaller. But Allison lives 45 minutes away, in a town that’s halfway between Kentwood and Hopkinsville, where Tom teaches. So now she’s going to have to make do with my old work clothes and outdated formalwear from high school.
“You know, I have dreams like this,” she says as she rummages around. “I have to go to an evening wedding, but I can only find, like, a tutu and a jean jacket to wear. Or a t-shirt and coveralls. And maybe in the back of the closet is an old, ill-fitting sundress that might work, if only I can find it again, but I never can.”
“I’m sorry my closet gives you nightmares,” I reply. “I really do appreciate your help.”
“All right,” she says with an enormous effort. “This is kind of pretty. The fabric is nice, and the color will compliment your eyes.” She hands me a soft gray-blue sweater. “You can just wear your regular black pants and these shoes.” She hands me a pair of black flats. “Are your ears pierced?” They are. “Do you have earrings?” I do not. She shakes her head in exasperation, then smiles at me.
“Take mine,” she says. “I think they’re understated enough for you.” They are dangly and silver and not what a normal person would call understated, but even I have to admit they look nice. As she takes them out of her own ears and hands them to me, I inexplicably tear up a little.
“Oh, babe, you really like him, don’t you?” she says softly.
“I don’t know!” I burst out truthfully. “Maybe. And I had to lie to him about something today, and I feel like shit, but I don’t know why, because I don’t know where this can possibly go. It’s terrible timing.” I tell her about Adam and the incident with Jeff.
She frowns. “Well, I think you should tell him, though I understand why you didn’t. But don’t worry so much about where this is going. It’s just a date. Take some time to get to know him. Okay?” She smiles at me in an encouraging sort of way.
I nod, fighting back tears. Gabe will be here in thirty minutes. I’ve got to get it together.
Gabe arrives punctually, just like he has every other time he’s come over.
“You look lovely, sweetie!” Mom calls to me as I walk out the door. “Have fun tonight!” The glee in her voice is unmistakable. As I step into Gabe’s Lincoln Navigator, I worry that she’s getting her hopes up too high.
I’ve always thought of the Navigator as the ultimate Rich Asshole Car, but riding in it is surprisingly pleasant. The interior is spacious and comfortable, and it certainly handles our gravel road better than our Impala. I appreciate that Gabe keeps it spotlessly clean. I also appreciate that it has enough features to study to make it easy to avoid looking at Gabe himself, who I strongly suspect looks disconcertingly handsome. I have no idea what to say to him.
Gabe breaks the ice first. “Want your seat warmed?” he asks.
“Excuse me?” I shoot back.
He laughs. “The seat of the car . I can heat it up, if you’re cold.”
“Oh! Yes,” I mutter, grateful that he can’t see me flush in the dark. “Thank you.” And that is absolutely the last thing we say to each other on the seemingly endless drive to the restaurant.
Finally, I spot the lights of the parking lot in the distance. The Lakefront Grille is next to the marina of the medium-sized lake that dominates Kentwood’s local state park. McNeil Lake is surrounded by miles of deciduous forest, rolling hills, and the best hiking trails in our part of the state. I go running here whenever I get the chance. I love the park, unless, of course, I happen to be on the most awkward date of my life.
As the host seats us, I am pleased to see that my moderately fancy outfit is well matched to the moderately fancy interior. When Gabe takes my coat and I can no longer avoid looking at him, I notice that he’s staring at me. His cheeks color as he smiles slightly.
“You look… beautiful. I mean, you always look beautiful. You are beautiful. But tonight…”
“I didn’t dress up for you ,” I clarify, partly to hide how pleased I am. “I dressed up for the restaurant .”
“I’m sure the restaurant appreciates it,” he retorts. I can’t help but laugh. I let myself take in the cute way his dark hair falls onto his forehead and how the amber flecks in his eyes twinkle as he laughs back. The tension between us dissolves a little.
“So,” he says, shifting forward in his chair, “who was that guy with your friend Allison at Mickey’s the other night?”
“Her fiancé, Tom,” I explain. “He’s a history professor at Benton State.”
Gabe raises his eyebrows. “She’s marrying her history professor?”
I laugh. “No, not her history professor. Though I suppose he’s hers now. He was hired during our last year or two of college. I had a class with him my senior year, but Alli never did.”
“Still, he seems a lot older than her.”
“Don’t be such a prude! He’s just in his thirties. Besides, they’re perfect for each other.”
“How so?”
I shrug and make microadjustments to the silverware in front of me. “It doesn’t sound like you ever knew Alli that well?—”
“I didn’t!”
“I know,” I reply with a smile. “But she’s a really interesting person. She speaks French and German and got her library science degree in Germany. She’s curious about everything —kids who come into the library know they can quiz her on all the weird dinosaurs nobody else has ever heard of and ask her stumpers like, I don’t know, where did the alphabet come from. But she never showed any of that to the guys she dated before Tom. He’s the only man I’ve ever seen her be herself around.
“And I don’t know Tom as well, but he was always the kind of professor everyone was afraid of. Strict, you know? But it turns out he’s just a huge teddy bear. Like, if that man isn’t walking around with a toddler on his shoulders in the next five years, there is no justice in the world.”
Gabe beams at me. “I hope Allison’s cool with that.”
I smile back. “Okay, obviously their family planning is none of my business.” I twist my water glass between my fingers and try, again, to explain the change I’d seen come over both of them when they entered each other’s lives. “You know when you’re listening to a song on the radio, but the station isn’t coming in all the way, so you hear a bunch of static and noise too? And then you drive a little further, and suddenly all that noise falls away, and you’re only left with the good stuff? That’s what they’re like together.”
Gabe leans back in his chair and gives me a warm, tender smile that’s so sweet I have to look away. “The Navigator has satellite radio,” he jokes.
“Of course it does,” I reply, and fling my napkin at him.
After that, we’re able to enjoy our meal like normal people. I realize at a certain point that I’m actually having fun.
“And when I say a fit of apoplectic rage ,” Gabe is explaining, describing his niece’s reaction to the 2019 remake of The Lion King , “I mean I had to wrestle the remote out of her hand before she hurled it into the screen of Adam and Lucy’s 98-inch state-of-the-art TV.”
“That’s totally understandable,” I reply, deadpan.
“Is it? I don’t even remember Scar’s song from the original. Is leaving it out really a reason to commit a class E felony?”
I shrug. “She probably has a crush on him.”
Gabe stares at me like I have three heads. “On…?”
“Scar.” I stare back, munching my sub-par Caesar salad.
“But he’s… a lion? And has an evil plot to murder his brother and nephew?”
“He also has a debonair British accent and great hair.”
“That’s a mane , Johnson.”
“I’m just saying, she wouldn’t be the first. The heart wants what it wants, Wilson.”
“Did you have a crush on Scar?” he asks in a low voice, leaning over the table with a grin and reaching out to steal one of my croutons.
I slap his hand away. “No comment,” I reply, smiling back.
He drops his voice to a sexy rumble. “Do you want me to growl during sex?”
“Can you do it in a British accent?” I murmur back, matching his tone. He laughs out loud, catches my hand in his, lifts it to his lips, and kisses the inside of my wrist.
“I can try.”
I’m having so much fun, in fact, that I almost forget my encounter with Adam. But his story about Maddie brings our argument right back to the front of my mind. I can practically hear his ugly insinuations ringing in my ears.
“Wilson,” I say carefully, my hand still in his. “I just want you to know that I didn’t start talking to you again, or come here tonight, because… well… because I expect… I mean, I know what this might look like to other people, but…”
“Johnson, what are you talking about?” He’s still smiling at me, but his brows pinch together slightly.
“I just mean that I don’t expect you to help me with my financial troubles… financially. Not that you offered! But, you know, a poor girl, a rich guy, some people might think?—”
“Did someone say something to you?” I hear an edge to his voice as he grips my hand tighter.
“No—”
“Someone in my family?”
I don’t want to lie again. But I also don’t want to start a fight. My hesitation is all the confirmation Gabe needs, however.
“You don’t have to tell me,” he says with a sigh. A muscle works in his jaw as he looks through the window at the black water. “I wish I could say I was surprised, but I’m not. My family only understands people in terms of their net worth.” He turns back to me and looks me in the eye. “You listen to me,” he says in his authoritative voice, now grasping my hand in both of his. “I am not the catch here. You are the catch. You are the smartest, funniest, most beautiful woman I know, and anyone who can’t see that is an idiot.”
He says it like it’s a simple statement of fact, but it is the nicest compliment I have ever received. I open my mouth to reply, but no words come. I feel like I might cry.
Gabe is seemingly oblivious to the effect of his words. “If I could just pass the bar,” he continues, looking back out the window, “then I would have more job opportunities and I wouldn’t have to depend on my parents anymore.”
“I can help,” I blurt out. I feel a sudden, desperate urge to do something for him after all the kindness he has bestowed on me. I can’t believe I was ever suspicious of him. He looks at me expectantly. “I can help you pass the bar,” I clarify. “I’m really good at tests. I got a 1550 on my SAT.”
His jaw drops. “You did ? Johnson, with a score like that, you could have gone to Dartmouth . What on earth made you decide to go to Benton State?”
I bristle. “Benton State’s a good school. And it was close to home.”
“Sorry, yes, I get that,” he says, sheepish. “I could definitely use your help studying for the bar. Plus, it would give me a chance to hang out with you more, now that you don’t need my legal advice.”
“I would still love your help with refinancing?—”
He shakes his head. “That’s more a matter of collecting the necessary documents. Have you scheduled the foreclosure mediation?”
“February 8 th , at the courthouse.”
“Do you have someone who can go with you, besides your mom? Like a friend or family member who’s a homeowner?” he asks.
“My boss at the café owns the restaurant and her house.”
He nods slowly. “Perfect. Plus she’s a pillar of the community. Everybody loves that restaurant.” He looks at me a little apologetically. “You know, it’s not that I don’t want to go with you, but Adam –”
“I understand,” I reply quickly. The last thing I want is to be in the same room with Gabe and Adam.