A Night You Won’t Remember (Victorian Outcasts #12)

Chapter 1

One

Esther had never understood what true happiness meant until she’d agreed to go to the most anticipated garden party of the year…and then it was too late.

Sunlight glinted off the white roofs of the pavilions scattered in the garden of Lord Atkinson, and the fresh scent of flowers thickened the air. Everything was lovely, but that was the tenth party she’d attended in a row without any days of rest.

A moment for herself to read, walk, or go to a concert would be wonderful, instead of an endless stream of introductions and gentlemen who gave her sideways glances no matter what she did.

If she didn’t say anything, people would give her funny stares or make jokes about her silence; if she talked about her passion for cricket, the result was the same. She was at her wits’ end.

Not to mention her mother reminding her that time was passing and so far there was no suitor in sight.

She wasn’t even sure what the party was supposed to celebrate as she promenaded along the crowded path through manicured flowerbeds next to her mother. The guests nibbled sandwiches or were drinking lemonade, and lemonade was the closest thing to happiness she could have right now.

“I would like a glass of lemonade.” She eyed the long table where a variety of drinks rested under a pavilion.

“Not lemonade.” Mother smiled at a passing lady. “Too much sugar. It makes your lips sticky.”

“Ratafia then.”

“Too much alcohol.”

“Coffee?”

“It stains your teeth.”

She huffed. “What is left then? Rain?”

“Nothing wrong with a glass of water.” Mother hooked her arm through Esther’s. “You don’t understand how important today’s party is. Many of the most eligible bachelors are here.”

“Impressive,” she said without enthusiasm.

“And Minnie told me she would drink only water with ice. She’s over there, I think.”

She searched for her friend through the crowd. “That’s not Minnie. That’s Holly, and she’s drinking ratafia.”

Mother took out her lorgnette. “Heavens, you’re right. But I saw Minnie earlier, and she was drinking water—there! That’s her.”

Minnie was wearing the most high-necked and covering gown among the guests, despite the warm day. Not an inch of her skin was visible between her chin and shoe tips.

Esther had known Minnie since they were fifteen, almost for eight years now, and didn’t remember having ever seen her friend’s décolletage or her wearing anything that was too tight or revealing.

Her dark hair was gathered in a serious chignon Grandmama would approve of, and yes, she was drinking iced water.

Esther stooped her shoulders.

Minnie had won the Primmest Lady contest at the Royal Ladies’ Society three years in a row, while Esther hadn’t passed the first selection. Three years in a row.

Mother poked her lightly with her elbow. “Minnie has a new suitor. Did you know that?”

“No.” She wished she didn’t sound sour. Minnie was pretty and kind, a little boring if anything, because she never did anything that was considered remotely unladylike, but she deserved all the attention. “What is it? Number four?”

“Six, actually. She’s gathering suitors like dung attracts flies.”

Esther came to a stop. “That’s unfair. You shouldn’t compare dear Minnie to dung.”

Mother lowered her voice. “What I mean is that I think there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to dear Minnie.”

“She’s lovely. Of course she has many suitors.”

“Pish. She’s pretty, yes, but many pretty ladies are left without attention. Every gentleman seems enchanted by her. Mark my words, something wanton is brewing underneath that nun’s-habit-like gown.”

Esther smiled and waved at Minnie who gave her a shy smile in return. The two gentlemen talking to her seemed to stare at her lips enraptured. But Minnie and wanton should never be mentioned together.

“Anyway,” Mother said, putting her glasses back in her purse, “let her keep her barons and viscounts. We’re aiming high today.

I’m going to introduce you to His Grace, the Duke of Richmond.

His father died less than a year ago, and His Grace should be here today.

He hasn’t made many public appearances as of yet.

He’s a busy man. But if he’s here, you’re going to meet him. ”

Esther followed with her gaze a footman carrying a tray loaded with cheese and watercress sandwiches. Her stomach rumbled softly at the scent of smoked salmon wafting from another tray.

“Impressive.”

“You aren’t listening to me.” Mother shot her a glare. “I did my research.”

“Which means you listened to every gossip you could.”

“Among other things, His Grace is a renowned swordsman. He recently won the Fencing Queen’s Cup. He’s such a brilliant swordsman that everyone knows him as The Great.”

Reluctantly, she took a glass of water from another footman’s tray. “Since when have you been interested in fencing?”

“Since it can make you a duchess.”

“You want me to start fencing? I would love to learn how to wield a sword, but I’m not fond of blood.”

Mother nodded at another lady. “I want him to become your suitor. Every sensible mother in the kingdom wishes for the duke to marry her daughter.”

“I have no idea who he is.” She couldn’t completely remove her frustration from her voice. Surely life was more than searching for a husband because otherwise, she was facing some miserable years, given her lack of suitors. “Tell me more about him.”

“They say he’s unbearable and arrogant.”

“And you want him to be my husband?”

Mother waved dismissively. “Questionable traits don’t matter.”

“Why aren’t you so understanding towards me?”

“Good gracious.” Mother sped up. “He’s over there. Quick.”

Esther nearly tripped on the gravel path as her mother dragged her forwards.

“Esther, quick. You’re so fast when you play cricket, and now you can’t walk.”

“Because I don’t know where we’re going. I don’t even know what he looks like.”

“Over there. Next to that plant with red flowers.”

“The blond-haired gentleman in a green suit?”

“Yes…” Mother sounded hesitant.

Esther searched the garden but couldn’t see him. “Bother. He’s gone.”

“We must hurry.” Mother was in full pursuit.

“You know I’m not fond of strict etiquette, but should we hound him like two officers chasing a thief?”

“He’s so fast. He’s rounded the corner.”

“Ouch! Mother!”

Mother was yanking her forwards none too gently. “Quick, or Minnie will get to him before we do.”

“Even if we get to him first and he meets Minnie later, he might still prefer her to me.”

“Confidence is key, and the first come, first served.”

“I doubt that rule is valid when searching for a husband.”

Mother didn’t pay her the slightest bit of attention. No fury like a match-making mama.

They rounded the corner and faced another endless expanse of white pavilions, guests, and footmen carrying trays loaded with delicacies.

“How big is this garden?” Mother was wheezing.

“Do you see him?” Not that she really cared about meeting this duke, but the excitement of the chase had intrigued her, which said something about how exciting her life was.

“Let’s split.” Mother pointed to the left. “I’ll go that way. You take the other path. If you see him, come and fetch me.”

“By the time I fetch you, I’ll lose him.”

Mother exhaled. “Grab the duke and fetch me. Tell him I’m looking for him, that I urgently need to talk to him. Improvise. Pretend to have broken your ankle and that you’re in need of his assistance. Pretend to faint. Whatever is needed. Remember that we shall never surrender.”

“You’re taking this affair too seriously.”

“And you, too carelessly.” Mother pointed a finger at her. “This is war. So go and grab The Great.”

She shot her gaze skywards.

Blond hair, green suit. He shouldn’t be difficult to spot.

Esther wove through the guests, searching for a gentleman matching that description. She went deeper into the garden until the music and the chatter became muffled, the pavilions disappeared behind tall hedgerows, and even her excitement died down.

What was she doing? Chasing a man she’d never met for what purpose? Why would The Great be interested in her?

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to find a husband; the idea of starting a family and having more responsibilities fascinated her.

Becoming the lady of the house and finally deciding how to spend her time and what to drink had their appeal.

And if her husband was a decent man, spending time with him wouldn’t be a torment.

But Mother’s constant disappointment at her lack of suitors stirred something ugly in her chest.

The fewer gentlemen were interested in her, the more Mother became strict, believing that some activities Esther enjoyed surely discouraged possible suitors from approaching her. Esther’s tastes were the reason behind the constant rejections.

So, no more book club because Esther read too many novels, and those books put odd ideas into young ladies’ minds. No more poetry readings for the same reason. No more playing cricket because it made her shoulders too wide and her ankles too thick.

What was left of her life? Needlework and rain to drink. And still no suitors.

In her opinion, the more Mother limited her activities, the less desirable she became. Without her books, she didn’t know what to talk about during dinner parties, and without cricket, she became restless.

Every social event turned into a marathon, chasing bachelors as if it were a competition while she only wanted to enjoy herself and meet new friends.

She paused to look around. Green hedgerows closed the path, casting their long shadows on the ground, and the music couldn’t be heard anymore. Turning around, another evergreen hedgerow loomed over her. She didn’t remember having entered the maze.

At first, a hint of panic surged, but she squashed it. It didn’t matter if she was lost. A respite from the crowd and Mother’s quest wasn’t terrible at all.

She went on nonchalantly and chose whatever path she fancied until she found a cosy bench surrounded by daisy bushes. She perched on it and listened to the birds singing. They flew from one hedgerow to the other, flapping their wings frantically.

She felt as if she were frantically flapping her wings, too, but without going anywhere. Maybe she never would. Maybe her fate was to remove all the things she enjoyed from her life and be left only with bitterness.