26. Beckett
26
beckett
Jovial laughter greets me as I enter through the back door of the bed-and-breakfast. I’m a little nervous about Willa’s reaction after the stunt I pulled. She didn’t seem upset during it, though she was shocked. Which is exactly what I was going for and why I didn’t tell her who I played in the parade. She never would have come had she known. Once the cat was out of the bag, she embraced it.
Or seemed to anyway.
I’m second-guessing myself now. Is this the time I went too far and tossed her so far out of her comfort zone, she won’t recognize it anymore?
Please don’t let that be the case.
I find them in the private living room: Willa, my sister, and my brother-in-law, laughing as if they have no cares in the world. Like they have no better place to be than right here. In truth, it’s exactly where I want Willa. For purely selfish reasons, which I will only admit to myself and others under pure duress.
Damn, I’ve got it bad for this woman. Never been in this situation before, it’s making me feel all kinds of things I shouldn’t be feeling for a woman who’s breezing through town. A tourist. A fleeting moment in time. That’s all she is .
My chest twinges. It’s a horrible description of her, even if it is the truth.
“Hey.” My voice cracks, so I try again. “How’s it going?”
All three heads spin my way, Willa’s smile the brightest.
“Santa. You’re here.” Willa stands, rushes over, and leaps into my arms. Her legs wrap around my waist, and she clings like a koala. My arms envelop her, bringing her impossibly closer. When she doesn’t fight it, I hug tighter. My eyes close on their own accord. I try to hide my inhalation of her scent, my body wash mixed with her vanilla aroma making the sweetest combination. “I missed you,” she breathes out.
Damn, but I fall.
I tumble into oblivion, into a place I won’t recover from. A piece of my heart will forever belong to Willafred Gibson.
I’m in deep trouble.
“Everything okay, Beck? You’re looking a little woozy.” Of course, Heidi picks up on my mood change. She’s always been keen on my emotions.
“Fi-fine,” I stammer, opening my eyes. Willa’s concerned expression nearly guts me. “All good,” I reiterate. I can’t be the one to hurt her, to make her feel any more sadness in her life. “Missed you, too.” I peck her cheek and lower her to the ground, feeling the loss of our connection immediately.
“Your sister was telling me all about growing up in Winterberry and how you got the job of playing Santa in the parade.”
“Awesome,” I deadpan. “Is there more hot chocolate?” I point to their mugs.
“I’ll make more.” Heidi looks from me to Willa to Lenny. “Stay for dinner. We’re making beef Wellington and have plenty. Mom and Dad are staying home, eating their appetizers and finger foods.”
I address Willa. “What do you say, Bundy?”
My sister’s face contorts to confusion and Lenny snickers. Oops.
“I’m game for any food I don’t have to cook.” She snorts, the sound one I haven’t heard but ridiculously cute. Ashamed, she covers her mouth with her hand.
“What time is dinner?”
“Suppertime. Around five?” Heidi checks in with us.
A glance at my phone informs me it’s nearing four. In case she got her words done, I stopped at the candy store earlier and grabbed a bunch of different rewards. As much as I want her to experience it for herself, we didn’t have time today. Perhaps the day after Christmas.
Before she leaves.
Nope, not thinking about that now. I’ve still got her for the next forty-eight hours give or take. I’m going to soak them up. Every minute.
“Do you need help with anything for dinner?”
Heidi shakes her head. “It just needs to be cooked. Lenny can put it in the oven now. It takes about an hour to cook and rest.”
“Great, then Willa and I are going to drop one car off at the cabin and be back in time for dinner.”
Heidi raises a brow. “‘Drop off a car?’ That’s what you’re going with, bro?”
“Because that’s what we’re doing. Besides, an hour isn’t enough time for what I have planned for Willa.”
Okay, maybe I went too far with that comment.
Willa’s cheeks flush the color of my Santa suit. “Beckett!” she hisses, slapping her arm across my chest.
“I can’t lie to my sister. She knows all my secrets.”
“Not those,” Heidi protests loudly. “I’m not thinking about that.” She shudders. Serves her right. “Be back before five. And bring a bottle of wine. Something red that goes with beef. You know best.”
“Got it. We’ll be back.” I fit my fingers into Willa’s hand, her mood a little more disillusioned than when I first walked in. Once outside, she zips up the hoodie, pulling it closer around her in the colder air. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to put you on the spot and make you feel uncomfortable. ”
“Yes, you did,” she challenges. “But I get it. An hour’s not long enough for dirty Santa’s appearance.” The little minx sashays to the SUV, her hip sway exaggerated. “I’ll follow you to the cabin.”
As much as I’m enjoying her company, the aftermath of when she leaves won’t be pretty.
“Guess what?” Willa asks the minute we breach the threshold of the cabin’s back door.
“What?”
“I wrote almost one thousand words today.” Pride oozes off her. And the woman should be proud. Damn proud.
“That’s huge.” I can’t help but take a small amount of pride knowing it has something to do with me.
“I know. And I have unlocked more ideas than I’ve had in the past two years. I almost can’t wait to get back to it. But I’m not. I’m taking the holiday to enjoy.” Her eyes roam up and down me. “And you. I’m taking you to enjoy while I have you, too. The words can wait. I’ll be home soon enough.”
I can’t read her opinion of her statements. Except the part about her being proud of her accomplishment. As for the rest of it, I’m lost. I have my feelings on the matter, but I can’t put them on her. Not even a little.
If today and tomorrow are all we have left, we’ll make the best of them. We won’t let the future taint them.
“Awesome.” I remember the candy I bought her, which I left in the truck. “I have another surprise for you.”
She eyes me warily. “Another one? I’m not surprised out by you today?” She’s still wearing the Santa hat and she looks adorable. Almost enough to say fuck it to joining my sister for dinner . . .
No. We’ll get our fill tonight, after dinner. We can do both.
I race out to the truck, grabbing the bag of candy. Back inside, I hold it behind my back, drawing out the suspense. “What’s ‘almost one thousand words’ worth in terms of a reward?”
“On a good day, two pieces of chocolate. Today? After not writing for two years? I’d say any and all rewards are appropriate.”
Her words cause emotion to swell my chest, a wish of not having to let her go.
What’s gotten into me lately? Why can’t I accept this for what it is? A casual hookup between two people who just met. I don’t want to call her a stranger because getting to know her the past several days, I’ve uncovered more than my share of information about her. More than a stranger would know. But that doesn’t change the fact this isn’t anything more than casual. Less than that. A fling.
“Beckett?”
Willa’s voice brings me out from a path not leading anywhere good. I hand over the bag. “Hopefully we can hit the candy store before you leave, to stock up on your favorites. For now, these will do.”
She squeals as she peeks inside, her pupils widening at what she finds. Instead of reaching in, she dumps the contents on the table, inspecting each piece of wrapped goodness. Her tongue sneaks out of her mouth, licking the corner. It’s enough to make me crazy with lust, an emotion I can’t act on.
“This is quite the haul.” Maple candies, chocolate truffles, honey-filled candies, among others I grabbed not knowing her favorites. “This one is calling my name. I won’t ruin supper if I have just one, right?” She holds up one of my favorites—dark chocolate with a hazelnut in the center—and looks at me with a pleading expression I can’t say no to. As if it’s my place to tell her what she can and can’t eat and when.
“One will not ruin your appetite.”
She claps, her excitement tangible.
To distract myself, I go to the pantry for a bottle of red to share with Willa and Lenny. I choose a Merlot which pairs nicely with beef Wellington. As soon as she mentioned what she was serving, I hoped Willa agreed. It’s been a while since I’ve had it.
For as many traditions as our family has, Christmas Eve dinner is one we’ve lost over the years. Giving it some thought, it was soon after Nana died, that first Christmas Eve. Though she died in the summer, we couldn’t decide how to celebrate if she wasn’t in charge. Or maybe it’s because Mom does a huge dinner on December twenty-third, a Christmas Day brunch, and wants a meal off. Perhaps this one will stick, though with a baby on the way, next year will look different.
And Willa won’t be here.
Nope, not thinking so negatively on a day reserved for celebration.
“Oh, I was hoping I’d get to try that one,” Willa states when I emerge from the pantry, bottle in hand.
“One of my local favorites.” The chemistry in the air changed, the atoms fizzle around us. I blame myself and quickly reprimand myself to do better. “How was the chocolate?”
Willa’s eyes close, a smile eclipses her mouth. She sways on her feet, lost in her own world. When her eyes pop open, she divulges, “Oh my god, so delish. Creamy, not too bittersweet, even for dark chocolate. That seems like an oxymoron, but it’s not.”
“Agreed. Not sure how they make it not so bitter. Maybe the hazelnut?”
She shrugs. “Your guess is better than mine. I’m good at eating. You’re the master chef.”
I don’t know if I’m supposed to take that as literally as I do.
“We should go back to the B and B. The sooner we eat, the sooner we can get back to more pressing matters. How sore are you?”
She shuffles from foot to foot, assessing something, I guess. “The kind of sore I’ve never been. Not sure how long it will last.”
I can’t help the pride exuding from me at her comment. The kind of sore I’ve never been. I shouldn’t take such enjoyment from that, but hell if I can stop it.
Moving one foot closer, I snake my arms around her waist, pulling her into me. “Too sore for more later?”
She peers up, her eyes clouded with a vacant look. “No. We don’t have much longer, and I won’t waste the time we have. I can rest back at home.”
Reminded of how transient we truly are, the familiar ache in my chest reappears. I hate how it’s becoming a thing every time I recall she’s not here to stay, she’s only mine temporarily. All I can muster is a fake smile.
“Later it is.” I swipe a kiss against her lips and let her out of my embrace. It’s too soon, but if I don’t let go now, I’m certain I may never. “Get ready for dinner.”
Melancholy washes her expression, her smile sad. “Will do, Santa.” With a half-hearted giggle, she escapes the kitchen, leaving more in her wake than a dead Christmas tree in January.