Chapter 25
Rowan
“The torches are ready,” Mrs. Mason announced, breezing into the drawing room and going straight to her husband. “I hope everyone is up for an adventure.”
“Torches?” Was this a game I had not yet heard of?
Mrs. Delafield clasped her hands together over the ruche hem of her blue bodice. “Dear me. We forgot to tell you. We have planned a night walk.”
My spirits perked. I could use some fresh air after the confines of the dining room, and the drawing room held little improvement.
I needed more space between Arabella and me.
The weight of her gaze continued to settle on me throughout the evening, and it was all I could do to resist meeting it.
It was only a matter of time before she would corner me and remind me that I was to leave.
The truth would come out that I was returning, and then she really would hate me.
The very idea felt like its own form of bondage. It wasn’t hate I wanted from Arabella.
A maid entered, bestowing shawls to the women as everyone clamored to their feet. Arabella wrapped a white gauzy shawl about her shoulders, and I had to drag my eyes away when she set her arm on Mr. Clodwick’s. The next few days would be sheer torture for me.
Everyone filed into rows of two, leaving me to walk beside Miss Elizabeth. She gave me a wan smile, which was quite the improvement from when I’d first arrived.
“Don’t worry too much,” Elizabeth said right before we crossed through the front door into the night.
“Pardon?” I asked.
“About Arabella.”
I scratched the spot behind my head, just above my cravat. “I don’t understand your meaning.”
“You’re an intelligent man. You’ll puzzle it out easily enough.” My confusion must have made her take pity on me, for she sighed heavily and said, “She doesn’t hate you anymore.”
I nodded, not at all comforted.
Elizabeth gave a short laugh. “Maybe you aren’t as intelligent as I thought.”
My current state of frustration left me incapable of smothering my annoyance. “You’re too kind.”
“Very well, I will tell you a secret, but you must not tell Arabella I said anything.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want you to betray her confidence.”
“Oh? Then I shouldn’t tell you that she cares for you? Then by all means, I will keep it to myself. Excuse me, Mr. Ashworth.” She gave me a coy smile and waltzed ahead to link arms with her sister, Mrs. Mason, as they descended from the portico.
My own legs stood stock-still. I was incapable of taking another step. So Arabella did care. I knew it! I mean, I didn’t really know, but I had surely hoped. But what was I to do about it? Despite developing feelings for me, she had stubbornly chosen Mr. Clodwick.
I couldn’t allow it. I had to do what Mr. Delafield had suggested. I would buy her a dozen trinkets and get on my knees and beg if I had to. But how? When? Surely, not tonight. She was all the way at the front of our little company beside Mr. Clodwick.
Maybe it was the romantic glow of the lanterns lining the path about the yard and casting a haze of yellow about us.
Perhaps it was the pull of my soul yearning to repair the broken link between Arabella and me.
Or maybe I felt pushed to the edge by yet another timeline working against me.
Regardless, I am not proud of what I did next.
I hurried down the steps, catching up with the others. As soon as I met them, I yelled out, “String bean!”
The group at large halted, each one turning to look over their shoulder at me. I only paid attention to one of them. Arabella’s eyes were wide, and her mouth unhinged.
“String bean,” I repeated, this time in a more normal volume.
I felt like the characters in novels that I continually criticized in my articles who acted out of character.
But desperate times gave rise to newfound courage, and I would not step down.
I had meant to get Arabella’s attention, and now I had it, but could not fathom what to do next.
I glanced upward for some heavenly guidance and saw the bright white stars gleaming above me.
“The stars.” I pointed to the celestial landscape. “In the shape of a string bean.”
“Oh?” Mrs. Delafield cranked her neck backward and several others followed.
I pointed at a random set of stars, since any one of them could be connected into a line.
“There, do you see it? You might have to step away from the torches. It’s as clear as day.
” I jumped off the path myself and walked backward with my hand pointing to the sky, moving in the direction of Arabella until I maneuvered myself beside her. “Do you see it?” I asked.
She stared at me as if I had gone mad.
Mr. and Mrs. Mason had stepped off the path and started calling out the well-known constellations. Mr. and Mrs. Delafield followed them.
“Mr. Clodwick, can you make it out?” I asked. “I daresay, it could even be a giraffe. A rarer beauty I have never seen . . . with such celestial legs.”
Arabella coughed next to me, her hand fisted to her mouth.
“Is it attached to the Vega star?” Mr. Clodwick asked.
I hesitated, feeling undereducated in my star-mapping abilities. “Well . . .”
Elizabeth came forward and took Mr. Clodwick’s arm. “I would be happy to show you. Step this way.” She led him several feet off the torched path in the opposite direction from us.
Arabella glowered at me, though I saw a hint of amusement playing around the corners of her mouth. “What exactly are you trying to do?”
I cleared my throat and clasped my hands behind my back. “I found your childhood likeness in the stars. Is that not flattering?” Please let it be flattering.
“That you think I look like a string bean is as insulting now as it was then.”
“I’ll have you know that string beans are my favorite vegetable.”
Her lips quivered, and I knew she was fighting a smile. “They are not.”
“They might have been lower on the list before my visit here, but I assure you that they sit at the very top now.”
“Let me guess, the giraffe is your favorite animal?”
I feigned a look of shock. “How did you know?”
She shook her head. “Does this flattery come with a purpose?”
I stepped closer, lowering my voice. “I cannot help it if I find you as radiant as the stars.” If there was any more light, I swear I would have caught a subtle blush. Could Elizabeth be right? Did Arabella care for me as I did for her? “Would you do the honor of walking with me?”
She glanced at the others engaged in their stargazing pursuits. “I suppose it would be all right to walk ahead.”
I held out my arm. The pressure of her small-gloved hand against mine might as well have been an intoxicating kiss.
I felt a touch heady as I led us back onto the path.
Our privacy would be short-lived, and I had to make the most of it.
“Arabella, I hope you know that I am in earnest about my desire for you to select your own companion in marriage.”
“I know,” she said softly.
I glanced at her, my measured steps leading us away from the others.
Her skin gleamed like milk in the moonlight, and the glow of the torches in her eyes held enough warmth to burn me.
It was time to confess the feelings storming in my chest, mounting with every swish of her skirt against my leg, and the press of her fingers on my arm.
“Do you also know that I am equally earnest in another direction as well? I desire above all else for you to change your mind about me. Something has shifted between us these last few weeks. Something real and tangible.” The path curved out of view of the others, and I stopped just beyond it, turning to face Arabella.
My hands slid up past her evening gloves to her bare forearms.
“I came here for a wife and no other expectation, but I fell under your spell the moment I saw you in Quillsbury. Am I alone in my feelings for you?”
I held my breath, studying her serious blue sapphire eyes, wishing I could read them better in the low light.
I feared she would yank herself away, disgusted by my words.
Instead, she did the unthinkable. She stepped into my arms, embracing me, and resting her head against my chest. For a moment, I was too stunned to act.
But then I was too excited not to act. My hands found her waist, sliding around the sleek fabric of her gown.
I clung to her, my nose burying against her hair, inhaling her sweet scent.
“Is it too late?” I asked. “Please, tell me it isn’t too late. ”
“I’m confused, Rowan.”
My chest tightened. Those weren’t the words I so desperately wanted to hear.
I pulled back just enough to lift her chin so we could see each other. “Your confusion is only natural considering our history, but can we not sort it out together?”
A commotion of steps sounded on the other side of the bend, and Arabella pulled away, leaving the front of me doused with cold in her absence.
I squeezed my hands into fists to keep from reaching for her again.
If only we had a few more minutes to speak privately.
Arabella rubbed one arm and glanced anxiously at the bend in the walk as we both anticipated the others to join us at any moment. “C-can we speak of this later?”
“I leave at first light.”
Her eyes bored into mine. “I’ll find you before you go.”
I gave her a subtle nod just as Mr. Clodwick and Elizabeth rounded the corner.
“Miss Delafield, I regret I must turn in for the night,” Mr. Clodwick announced. “I missed my nap today on account of my correspondence, and I find I am too tired to continue. May I walk you back to the house?”
Arabella’s smile pulled tight. “That would be nice.”
Her gaze flicked to mine just as she took Mr. Clodwick’s arm and disappeared back around the corner. I hated seeing her walk away with that man. Loathed it. He did not deserve her.
I did not deserve her.
But I would. I would dedicate the rest of my life to earning the privilege to be by her side, if she would let me. I doubted Mr. Clodwick would do anything for her at all.
Elizabeth gave me a commiserating look. “I stalled as long as I could.”
I nodded, my smile tight and forced. “I will be forever grateful to you.”
“I suppose I should be grateful to you as well. I rather like the idea of a romance that my parents approve of.”
I had not expected her admission. “Do you, really?”
She smiled. “It’s not nearly as fun, but it has me reconsidering my future.”
Mr. and Mrs. Delafield joined us a moment later. Mrs. Delafield seemed entirely in her element out of doors, though I rarely saw her outside. “The Masons chose to follow the others back to the house but will rejoin us shortly. They told us not to wait for them. Shall we proceed?”
Elizabeth feigned a yawn. “I am suddenly overtired and think I will turn in for the night as well.”
“Shall I walk you back?” I asked.
She was already retreating. “Don’t bother. We are not far from the house, and I will be just behind the others. Besides, I have a lot to think over.”
I hoped that meant she would finally put the groomsman from her mind. I gave Mr. and Mrs. Delafield a smile and pointed to the path ahead. “Shall we?” I kept pace a few steps behind them as we continued our night walk. For the first time all day, hope lightened my step.