Chapter 5
Lucy
If I had access to a time machine, I would hop right in, go back in time to the day last week when my moms asked me what I wanted for my birthday dinner, and tell past Lucy that she should not, under any circumstances, request frozen strawberry margaritas.
Not because they weren’t delicious but because all four of my moms were currently tipsy and Jojo and Mom were well on their way to being drunk.
“I’m just saying, there’s no harm in Lucy trying female alphas!” Mom half shouted, most of her margarita sloshing out of her glass. “It’s not like she’s had much luck with men.”
I locked eyes with Lars, and he had the audacity to smirk at me. I drew my finger across my neck, but my death threat didn’t faze him.
We’d finished dinner—my favorite fajitas from Senor Taco—and headed to the backyard for cake and presents.
Lars got the fire going and we gathered around the firepit, wrapped in blankets, the string lights casting a gentle glow.
Warmth from the flames kissed my skin and made it impossible to stop thinking about Leo—the way his hand had felt in mine, the exhilaration I felt jumping over the bonfire with him…
“Lucy doesn’t need to be with alphas. She’s a strong, independent woman,” Jojo responded, her words slightly slurred.
“Well, omega health outcomes are better when they have a pack,” Mamma said, tucking her short white-blond hair behind her ear. She was the most no-nonsense of all of us. She might not have always been the most warm and fuzzy parent as I was growing up, but she was fiercely protective.
I flopped back in my chair and sighed loudly. “Should I leave? Seems like you don’t really need me here for this conversation.” My muttering was ignored so I pulled out my phone and opened the group chat: Felix’s Feral Four.
Lucy
Help me. The moms are drunk and talking about how I desperately need alphas and Lars is being useless so I’m all aloneeee
Olive
I am SO sorry
Lucy
Not your fault. They’re unstoppable
Summer
Your moms are hilarious
Lucy
…
You’re dead to me
Ivy
Hang in there, Lucy!
“No, don’t misquote the research,” Mom said, her usually loud voice raising in volume even more as pieces of brown hair flew from her messy bun.
“That study showed that omega health improves specifically when they’re paired with female alphas.
And maybe that’s the problem! Lucy needs a female alpha. ”
“So true,” Lala said, curling up against Mamma’s side. Alcohol always made her sleepy, something the two of us had in common besides our blond hair, blue eyes, and love of blankets. “Male alphas are the worst.”
Lars scrubbed his hand down his face and let out an exasperated sigh. “You can’t just say that. Not all male alphas are bad.”
“Shh, honey,” Mom said, waving her hand. “I’m the expert here as the only bisexual in the group, and let me tell you, knots aren’t everything.”
“Okay,” he said, slapping his hands on his thighs before standing. “And with that, I’m going to head out. Happy birthday, Lucy.”
He pulled me into a hug and I whispered “Traitor” in his ear, making him chuckle. When he pulled away, though, his expression was solemn.
“Thanks for sending Felix to the house. It means a lot to Olive.” He cleared his throat, looking a little awkward. Lars was usually stoic except when it came to his omega.
“Of course.” I squeezed his hand. “She’ll be okay. We’re all here for her.”
He nodded and cast a look over his shoulder at our moms, who were still arguing about knots. “Good luck.”
He jumped out of the way to avoid my shove and laughed as he crossed the yard.
I eyed the gate. Should I also make a run for it?
I loved my moms, but they could be…a lot.
Since childhood, I’d carried around the sneaking suspicion that they secretly wished I was stronger and more independent.
Instead, they’d gotten an omega daughter who made nest mood boards and fantasized about being spoiled by a pack.
“Let’s change the subject.” I sat back down and shoveled another bite of cake into my mouth. Mamma had made my favorite Swedish princess cake, and I was trying to decide how sick I’d feel if I ate a third slice.
“Good idea.” Lala winked at me across the fire pit. Of all my moms, Lala was the one who understood me best. Probably an omega thing. “Do you have any weekend plans, honey?”
I nodded. Before my afternoon nap, I’d been scrolling social media and had come across a video of an omega who was solo-backpacking the Appalachian Trail.
She talked about how restorative the forest was, how connected she felt to herself and the world, and something had sparked inside me.
I wanted to feel like that. While hiking the entire Appalachian Trail was out, Starlight Grove was at the base of Solstice Mountain.
“I’m going on a hike.”
My fork scraped against my now-empty plate. Fuck it. I was going for a third slice.
I glanced up when I realized my moms had fallen uncharacteristically silent.
Jojo cocked an eyebrow. “Oh?”
I nodded, shoving down the antsyness coursing through my body. “I want to try something new. Get connected with nature.”
“We did the Thousand Step hike the other day,” Lala said, referencing the popular nearby hiking trail. “I hadn’t been in a while and was reminded how pretty the mountain is.”
“No, I mean like real hiking.” They still looked bewildered, so I added, “With camping.”
Mom laughed but quickly choked it off when she took in my expression. “Wait, you’re serious?”
That familiar prickly defensiveness rose inside me. “Yeah, I’m serious.”
My moms exchanged looks.
“Is this something you read on a blog?” Mamma asked, her sharp gaze fixed on me.
“Yes, because I have no original ideas. It must have just been something I saw online,” I snapped, ignoring the fact that she was correct. Damn her for knowing me so well.
“But you always complained when we went on hikes as a family,” JoJo said. “You’re not really the outdoorsy type.”
“Do you have camping gear?” Mamma asked. “Have you done any research on how to do this? Are you planning to go with someone? Maybe Lars and his pack could take you.”
Frustration churned in my stomach and I leaned into the emotion to keep myself from bursting into tears. Why did everyone always think I was so inept? Was I really that bad at everything I did?
“Honey,” Lala said. “I know the past year has been hard…”
“I was talking to Sandy,” Jojo said, cutting her off. “She said her nephew found his pack on the Flame dating app. Have you tried that?”
“Maybe we should change the subject—” Lala started, but I’d had enough.
I jumped up from my chair, knocking it to the ground. “Are you serious? You can’t even pretend to support me on my birthday?”
“Of course we support you!”
“Why would you say that?”
They were shouting over each other, but I shook my head.
“Yes, the support is crashing down upon me. You don’t believe I can go backpacking, and your great solution for my life is for me to use the same dating app my exes used to cheat on me?”
“Oh, Lucy—” Lala said.
“Thanks for the dinner.” I picked up the cake plate. There was still half a cake left, and I wasn’t about to leave it behind.
“Wait, why are you upset?” A crease appeared between JoJo’s eyes. “We just don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“We want to protect you,” Mamma added.
My fists clenched, but I injected my words with a calm I didn’t feel. “I know. It’s just been a long day, so I’m going to head to bed.” Before they could stop me, I crossed the yard and slipped through the back gate.
“Lucy, wait.”
I let out a long sigh but turned to find Lala jogging after me.
“What?” I’d meant to sound sharp and snippy, but it just came out defeated.
“I don’t like you leaving without a hug.”
She wrapped her arms around me, enveloping me in her warm, earthy scent. I melted into her, carefully balancing the cake plate in one hand. Unwanted tears burned my eyes. I’d been able to keep them at bay when fueled by anger, but Lala always had a way of cracking me straight open.
“What’s going on, honey?”
I shrugged. “It just feels like I’ll never be enough.”
Her lips parted. “What? How could you say that? You’re always enough, Lucy. We love you so much.”
“I know you love me. I love you, too. I just…” I trailed off. “Never mind. I’m just being dramatic.” I forced a smile, but Lala still looked concerned.
She cupped my cheek and gazed intently into my eyes.
“Please,” I said softly. “I just need some space.”
Her shoulder dropped and a sad smile twisted her lips. “If that’s what you need. I just hope you know we’re always here for you.”
When I got home, I stuck the cake in the fridge and crawled into my nest, fluffing the large velvet pillows so they formed a protective wall around my body.
A shuddering sob shook my chest. Lala had warned me a while ago that my omega hormones would likely become harder to manage the longer I was without a pack, and they were hitting hard tonight.
Even though plenty of omegas these days delayed getting packed up, my unique hormones made my omega urges all the more intense, even on suppressants.
My phone vibrated and I fished it out of my pocket.
Summer
Hey are you ok? Did you survive your moms? I was teasing before but now I’m worried I hurt your feelings
Lucy
You’re sweet. I know you were just teasing
I paused, unsure what else I wanted to say.
Lucy
My birthday’s just hitting harder than I thought. I think I’m going to take a little solo trip this weekend.
Summer
Do you want me to come over? I tried making a croquembouche this afternoon and it ended up in a spectacular disaster, but it still tastes good
I squinted at the picture she sent of a lopsided stack of what looked like cream buns.
Summer
I have this Vietnamese rum we can soak it in
Shit, it’s a French dessert. We can soak it in champagne
But I’m broke. New plan. Skip the dessert and head straight to rum
I choked on a watery laugh. I was being silly. I had the best friends in the world, and my moms, while chaotic, loved me so much.
Lucy
I love you. But I’m already in my nest and ready to sleep.
Summer
Do you really want a solo trip? I can come with you
The fact that she even offered when she was just weeks away from her bakery’s grand opening made me want to burst into tears again.
Lucy
Have you seen that monstrosity you made?? The bakery needs your focus!
Summer
You always have my focus if you need it
Lucy
I know. I just need a little time for myself and then I’ll be back and ready to help you with the grand opening! Felix’s outfit is going to be spectacular
I chewed my lip, wondering if I should tell her about my camping plans. But my moms’ laughter echoing through my mind made me hesitate. I didn’t want anyone else second-guessing my plans. I would take my trip, have a spiritual awakening, and return a new person.
I flipped back to the hiking videos I’d saved and started making a list of the supplies I’d need.