Chapter 32
Wilder
I tugged at my shirt as I looked in the mirror, wishing I owned something nicer. I spent all my time either on shift or in the mountains, so it wasn’t like I needed a suit or even a button-down, but it didn’t feel right to go to Lucy’s event in a flannel shirt and jeans.
I would never be Prince Charming, but it’d be nice not to feel like an ogre next to the pretty little omega.
I tied back my hair in a topknot and forced myself away from the mirror.
Get your shit together. It’s going to be fine.
I would just tell Lucy I needed her help with my wardrobe. Actually, that was perfect. It would give me a real excuse to spend more time together. Except…that was exactly what I shouldn’t be doing.
I snagged my bottle of rut suppressants on my way out of my bedroom.
The max dose listed was one pill a day. I’d been taking two a day ever since meeting Lucy, and that was barely enough.
I’d kept my alpha under control the other day at the diner, but yesterday at the grocery store, I’d been practically huffing the cartons of strawberries before realizing what I was doing.
I swallowed hard as I imagined turning feral during craft night, my alpha taking over until there was nothing of me left besides instinct. My self-loathing returned full force. What if I hurt her? I wouldn’t deserve to live.
The smart thing to do would be to text her and say something came up. A fire emergency. Shit, I could even set something on fire to make it more realistic.
But texting her would mean I’d have to admit that I got her number from Ezra.
I hung my head in my hands and groaned. I was officially losing my shit.
Tonight would be fine. We wouldn’t be alone. She would be safe.
I popped open the tiny orange bottle and took my third suppressant of the day before grabbing my keys and the box of chocolates I’d gotten for Lucy.
I’d spotted them at the market and they brought back memories of all the chocolates my dads had given my mom.
They would grow almost giddy when they found an especially unique box of chocolates.
When I was younger, I hadn’t understood why it made them so happy to give her presents, but I did now.
I would bring Lucy presents every day just to see her smile.
I locked the door behind me, but in my rush to get to my truck, I stumbled on the porch steps and face-planted hard in the dirt. I landed on the chocolates, the corner of the box stabbing my stomach.
Fuck. Luckily, besides my stinging palms and sore chin, my pride was the only truly injured thing.
I pushed myself off the ground but immediately collapsed again. My arms trembled with exertion, my muscles too weak to hold my weight.
The world spun around me in a haze of green and brown. My last thought before the world turned dark was how I’d wasted all that time getting ready just for my outfit to get covered in dirt.