Chapter 61
Wilder
One time during Mountain Rescue training, I slipped during a practice climb up a rock face.
I’d been wearing a harness, but I’d lost all control in the air and smacked my body against the rocks.
By the time I got oriented and back to the ground, I was sporting bloody cuts and bruises.
The next day, I’d barely been able to get out of bed.
Whatever was going on with me right now was more fucking painful than that.
I cracked my eyes open, getting a brief flash of a hospital room, but even the dim light made my head feel like it was splitting open.
I shut them again and tried to catalog my injuries.
My limbs were heavy and aching, but nothing felt broken.
Even more concerning than my pain and exhaustion of unknown origin was the fact that I had no memory of what had happened or where I was.
I breathed in slowly, and the most delicious scent in the world flooded in.
Omega.
Memories flooded back. Sitting in the lobby waiting for Lucy to be done with her interview. Feeling so on edge being separated from her, I popped another suppressant. The room spinning around me before everything turned black.
My alpha clawed at my chest. Omega. I need my omega.
Mixed in with the astringent hospital room smells was Lucy’s mouthwatering strawberry garden scent.
I opened my eyes and the room slowly came into focus. I turned my head and there was my girl, asleep in a hard plastic chair, her brow furrowed even in her sleep.
“Lucy.” My voice was a ragged croak, but her eyes flew open immediately.
“Oh my god, you’re awake. How’re you feeling? I should call the nurse.” Her movements were fast and jerky as she looked around the room, clearly disoriented.
“Come here, sweetheart.”
“Where is the nurse button?” Her voice rose with panic. “It’s okay, I’ll just run and get her.”
She turned, but I snagged her hand before she could leave.
“If you leave this room, I’ll chase you down.”
“What? You can’t do that.” She was all indignation, but she moved back to my side at my weak tug.
I scowled. “Why are you here alone?” Why the fuck would Leo and King leave her here alone to sleep in a chair?
“They tried to kick us all out when visiting hours ended since we’re not a bonded pack. I might have, uhh, kicked up a bit of a fuss and King threatened to call a lawyer, so they finally let me stay. King and Leo are waiting in the lobby. They didn’t want to leave you, either.”
She pulled her hand from my grasp and I was too weak to stop her.
Instead of leaving, she poured me a glass of water from the jug next to the bed and stuck a straw in it, holding it up to my lips.
I took a sip. This was a fucking humbling experience.
I should be the one taking care of my omega, not the other way around.
“What happened?” I asked, my voice clearer now.
“You passed out in the lobby and wouldn’t wake back up.” Lucy’s lip trembled and she pressed them tight together. “King and Leo called an ambulance. They ran a bunch of tests, but they wouldn’t tell us anything about the results since we’re not family.”
Fury radiated through me. Lucy, King, and Leo were the best family I ever could have found. They didn’t deserve to be treated like this.
“Oh.” Lucy leaned forward and snagged a plastic button attached to a thick cable from under the pillow.
“Here’s the call button.” She pressed it before I could stop her.
I didn’t want anyone else in the room. I just wanted her, preferably curled up on top of me.
I needed her touch, her scent, her everything.
The door opened and an older woman in light blue scrubs entered.
“Oh, you’re awake! Great. My name is Gloria and I’m your nurse this evening. Let me call the doctor and check your vitals. How are you feeling?”
Lucy started to move away from my side, but I growled and tightened my hold on her.
Gloria grinned. “Don’t worry, Lucy. I’ll work around you. We know how alphas can be.”
Hmm. She definitely earned some points for being kind to my omega.
“How’re you feeling?”
Like I’ve been hit by a car. “Fine.”
She was taking my vitals when the doctor walked in—a tall beta woman with a short pixie cut.
“Mr. Everett, it’s good to see you awake. I’m Dr. Sinclair.” Her eyes flicked to Lucy. “Would you prefer to talk about your medical care in private?”
“No.”
Lucy shot me a look, but I didn’t care about being rude. No one was separating me from my omega.
Dr. Sinclair was unbothered. “That’s fine. Do you know what caused you to pass out?”
I had a guess. “No.”
She hummed. “Based on your lab work, it was a rut suppressant overdose.”
“What?” Lucy’s eyes searched my face. “You’re on rut suppressants?”
“Yeah. I took an extra dose this morning.”
Dr. Sinclair cocked her head. “How much extra is extra? The level of suppressant in your blood would indicate you’ve been taking double or triple the typical dose for quite a while.”
Fuck. All the times I’d planned to tell Lucy everything, and it came to this. It was time to face the consequences of being a fucking coward.
“Probably something like that for the past few weeks,” I muttered.
“Why?” Lucy whispered.
“I have HA,” I told the doctor, who nodded.
“I assumed based on your lab work.” Her eyes flicked to Lucy and back to me.
“Your CT scan was clear and your blood work is fine except that your liver values are out of range. We want to keep you overnight to monitor you, give you fluids, and repeat the blood work in the morning. If your lab work shows improvement in liver function, which I expect, you can be discharged tomorrow. But it is very important that you cease all rut suppressant use. I know I can’t stop you since they’re available over the counter, but after an overdose like this, there is no safe dosage. Next time, you might not be so lucky.”
The pain in my body was nothing compared to what was happening in my heart as her words landed. I’d held on to the fantasy for too long—that the rut suppressants would be enough to dampen my alpha and make myself safe for Lucy.
Now I knew what I had to do, and I hated myself for it.
“I see you live in Starlight Grove. We’ll set up a follow-up appointment with a local designation doctor, and you can discuss managing without suppressants going forward. If you don’t have any questions now, we’ll let you get some rest and check in on morning rounds.”
Silence descended on the room once the doctor and nurse left.
“What’s going on?” Lucy’s voice sounded so fucking small. I loosened my hold on her and pushed myself up to a more seated position. She slipped off the bed, returning to the chair she’d vacated.
It’s for the best.
She shouldn’t even be in the same room as you.
Rip off the Band-Aid.
“Have you heard of hyper alphosferone?”
An adorable little crinkle appeared between her eyebrows. “Is that like hyper omestrogen?”
“Um, I’m not sure. But HA means I have over double the amount of alpha hormones as usual.
I revealed as an alpha at fourteen.” Normally, alphas didn’t come into their designation until they were eighteen, and some not even until their early twenties.
“High school was a shit show. I went from being a pretty laid-back kid to being an aggressive asshole. My parents tried to support me, but I kept coming home covered in bruises from the fights I would pick with the older kids. They took me to the doctor, and that’s when I was diagnosed. ”
“That’s why you’re on suppressants?”
“Yeah.” My voice was hoarse, like my body didn’t want to release these words.
“I settled down after I started them, but the parents at the school still felt I was too dangerous to be around their kids. They gathered a whole petition with signatures of everyone who wanted me kicked out. My parents tried to fight it, but in the end, I finished school online.”
“That’s horrible,” Lucy said. She reached forward to grab my hand, but I moved it away.
Her face fell and my stomach churned with sick nausea. The high school parents’ faces, twisted in anger, flashed before my eyes and then transformed to that alpha’s face—the one from the court case that haunted my nightmares.
“I thought if I took extra suppressants and we didn’t have sex, I could safely be around you. But I was wrong.”
“Is that why you wouldn’t have sex with me the other night?” she asked softly.
I nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything sooner. I was being selfish. The reality is, if I can’t be on suppressants, we can’t be around each other. Ever.”
She stayed frozen, but her scent was twisted and bitter, like a field of dead flowers. “No. I—what are you talking about? We’re together now.”
I shook my head. “We shouldn’t be. You need to go to the waiting room and leave with King and Leo.”
She shook her head, her eyes glassy with tears. “I don’t understand what’s happening. Why is it a problem if you’re not on suppressants? We can figure this out.”
She reached for my hand again, and panic surged through me. I was probably too weak right now to hurt her, but what if I snapped? I flinched away from her touch and she froze, tears dripping down her face.
“I’m sorry it’s ending like this, but that’s just how it is. You need to leave now. Do not contact me again.”
She crossed her arms. “I don’t know what is going on, but I’m not leaving until you explain yourself!”
Tension roiled through my body and I could practically feel my alphosferone levels rising. She had to get out of here now.
So I did the only thing I could think of to protect her.
“Leave now with King and Leo.” The force of my alpha bark hit her like a tangible thing.
She lurched back, eyes wide, and let out a heartbreaking whimper.
She shook her head, but her omega couldn’t resist the force of the command.
She tripped over the chair and I lurched forward, but she righted herself, opened the door, and then was gone.
Taking all the goodness in the world with her and leaving me alone.
Like I always knew I would be.