Chapter 32 Summer #2
“That’s not how blind boxes work. The whole point is that you don’t know what you get until you open it,” I said slowly, realization dawning. “Did you…think I was missing one simply because I did not purchase it yet?”
“Maybe.”
I smiled and stroked Lucien’s cheek. “You’re so pretty.”
“Well, you have it now.” He was completely flustered as he handed me the smaller gift bag.
“Lucien, you didn’t.”
“And these are the ones I ordered before I found it.” He hoisted up the larger bag. “You said Winnie liked them, too, right? If she doesn’t want this many then you can…give them back to me, I suppose.”
Lucien was the absolute king of mixed signals right now. Fall into rut and then not trying to fuck me again. And then spending an unholy amount of money to get me the cat I’d been missing.
“But the costume really was Mercer’s idea, and the gifts for your parents were all Jae,” he added quickly.
For a moment I burrowed past his flawless exterior, the one he polished to a shine, and found the root of who he was. His brothers always came first. It was a dynamic so ingrained it was like breathing. Even now he stood back so Jae could be closer to me.
Had he not made a move because he thought he was encroaching on his brothers’ relationships with me? If so, that would be completely true to form and also so dumb when I wanted him as well.
Jae gave Lucien’s back a hearty clap. “Let’s add all these funny lil’ cats to the gift table. And maybe see if there’s a spare one we can set up to hold them all.”
“Ha ha,” Lucien said flatly.
Winnie’s birthday did eventually turn into a casual Sunday grill session, just as I thought, when Ba revealed he had a ton of marinated skewers sitting in the fridge.
Families with overstimulated children left.
Townspeople trickled in for a bite, a drink, and to wish the birthday girl well even though she was conked out on the couch, snoring underneath her dinosaur hood.
I was helping Má clean up in the kitchen, pretending I was not watching the guys through the window. Mercer had retired his costume and was enjoying a beer with James. Jae was helping Ba hand out skewers, and I caught Lucien fixing part of the balloon arch that had collapsed.
“One of them has a lot of tattoos, doesn’t he?” Má observed.
Tattoos. The bane of every Asian mom’s existence.
“Yes, he does.”
“I don’t like that.”
Maybe this was how we ended. Broken apart by parental disapproval. We had a good run.
“But the fruit is so nice.” Má glanced at the box on the counter. “And did you see him help clean the table so we could do the cake? He is a very nice boy.”
Yes, I did see that. And now I knew my mom liked him.
I was having a crisis and needed my friends. Once the kitchen looked less like a hurricane had passed through it, I headed back outside and made psst sounds at each of my friends until they congregated near the thriving patch of water spinach in the corner.
“What’s wrong, Summer?” Ivy asked.
Olive peered closely at me. “Yes, you don’t usually hiss at us.”
Lucy said nothing but used her index fingers to form long fangs.
I started pacing. My sneakers were getting dirty and I didn’t care, the clearest sign that I was going off the rails. “I think I’m losing it,” I muttered.
“What do you mean you’re losing it?” Ivy immediately laid a hand on my shoulder.
“Is it the guys?” Lucy peeked discreetly behind her. “They’re getting along with everyone great. King got to rant about corporate bureaucracy with Lucien for an hour, he’s so happy right now.”
Lucy was extremely correct. They were getting along with everyone. I watched as Mabel grabbed Mercer’s finger in her tiny fist and refused to let go. Was there no end to the heartwarming moments I would have to witness?
“I made a mistake inviting them today.”
I was getting feelings for them. There. I admitted it to myself. I couldn’t ignore it any longer. Seeing them with my friends and family was only making it worse.
I needed to keep my distance so it would hurt less when they left.
But I also wanted to continue fucking them. It was really inconvenient. How the hell did I end up in a situationship and deathly afraid of the What are we? talk?
“Summer, I think they’re great for you,” Ivy said kindly. “I was talking about it with Rome and James the other day. We’re genuinely so happy for you.”
“No, you’re not meant to be happy for me,” I groaned, head in my hands. “You’re meant to remind me that they’re leaving. God, I shouldn’t have invited them today. It really sent the wrong message.”
“Summer, did you want to invite them?” Lucy asked slowly.
“Obviously. They’re here, aren’t they?”
“Then how could it be the wrong message?”
I pointed an accusatory finger at her. “Stop scooping out my inner thoughts and showing them to me.”
“I’m so sorry!” Lucy waved her hand mysteriously. “You were compelled to invite them because there’s a Saturn retrograde in Pisces right now.”
“Perfect, thank you. I knew it was out of my control.” I slumped against the fence. “What should I do?”
“Why don’t you tell them you want to be a pack?” Olive said it so offhandedly, as if it wouldn’t be the most monumental decision of my life.
Even though these were my best friends, it was still hard to be so honest about how I felt. “I don’t want to have to tell them to be a pack,” I said, feeling the bruise of every word. “It shouldn’t be up to me.”
Olive began to protest but Lucy stopped her. “No, she’s right. That’s for them to figure out. You know I went through it as well with my guys. If all that’s keeping them together is Summer as their omega, that’s not what it means to be a pack.”
Olive’s guys were already a pack, and Ivy’s were all in. Lucy understood that it could take more work. Work that wasn’t ours to do.
“But…” Lucy’s sharpened gaze boxed me in with no way out. “You should tell them how you feel about them.”
The thought brought on a cold sweat. “Oh god. I don’t think I could do that. And be told they’re flattered before reminding me they’re only here for the summer? No thank you.”
None of them looked like they believed me. “Are you sure that’s what they would say?” Ivy asked tentatively.
“Of course I am.” I could feel myself growing more agitated.
“They have done nothing that suggests otherwise. Jae is going to London, and I already know he’ll have more work opportunities after that.
I hear Mercer working with Camille on managing the fitout of the Hartford store all the time.
And Lucien…” I scanned the crowd. “Wait, where’s Lucien? ”
“King told me he left to take an international call.”
“What? It’s Sunday afternoon. He needs to stop fucking doing that.”
I didn’t like discomfort. I mean, who did? Discomfort from my own emotions? The absolute worst. Weeds, choking around my heart needing to be pulled. The only recourse was to self-destruct a little, hand-grenade pin twirling on my finger.
I wanted to follow my instincts. Follow what made sense in the here and now, not dwell on what was supposed to happen when summer ended.
And I knew exactly who my instincts wanted.
“Where are you going?” Olive asked, bewildered, as I walked away.
“To make him stop working!”
“Okay, have fun, but we should really have a proper catch-up tomorrow. I feel like you have some feelings to work through,” Lucy called after me.
I sure did, and I was going to work through them now with a big, dumb, too-noble-for-his-own-good alpha.