Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Aurelia
I jab the point of my short sword at the side of Raul’s chest one more time. He grins in approval and reaches to touch my cheek. “You’ve got this. Just stay alive for long enough to cut her one time, and the drug will take over and do most of the work for you.”
I exhale in a rush. “As long as I can get the potion onto the blade in the first place.”
The smooth metal feels ominously cool beneath the glide of my fingers. After stealing every spare moment I could once I returned from the prison, I adjusted my sedative until it has only the faintest yellow sheen. With luck, anyone who notices the hint of hue will take it for a gleam of sunlight.
Transferring it onto my weapon is going to be its own challenge. I don’t know what I’ll be wearing for the rite or at what point the cleric will present my weapon. I may have to apply my concoction with thousands of spectators watching .
The memory of how small a human being looks in that vast space when watching from the sidelines doesn’t provide much comfort.
“If anyone can do it, it’s you.” Raul cocks his head at the peal of bells. “Lore and Bas should be here in a moment. Are you looking for a little excitement to cap off the evening?”
He teases his fingers down the side of my neck, and I give him a light swat to the chest. “I only wanted to talk to all of you—briefly, because I really should get as much sleep as I can before tomorrow’s fight. Making sure I survive the rite is more important than having a tumble.”
“Of course it is.” Raul leans in, but the kiss he offers me is an unexpectedly chaste peck to my forehead, as if he’s proving he doesn’t have to play into his rakish reputation. “I’m honored that you trusted me as a teacher.” His grin widens. “And I’m also looking forward to all the ways we can celebrate your victory without worries about the fight hanging over us.”
At a knock on the door, he saunters over to let his foster brothers in. I step to the side and put my sword down on his desk, letting my hand linger there to support my balance.
Exhaustion is already winding through my limbs. It’s more tolerable now that I know the happy reason for my additional fatigue, but it adds to my own worries at the same time.
I’ve put together a mildly stimulating tea blend to help keep me alert tomorrow, but the most potent herbs for that purpose are best avoided in my current state. At least I have more slivers of ruddy root to chew on against nausea.
I should probably have headed back to my bed already, but I wanted to see all of my lovers once more. Whether Raul is so confident in my abilities it hasn’t occurred to him or he’s simply not mentioning it, this could be the last time I speak to them .
There’s only one way tomorrow’s rite can go well and so many ways it can turn into a catastrophe.
The other two men I love slip into the room. Lorenzo strides straight to me and wraps his arms around me in a soothing embrace.
As I tip my head against Lorenzo’s shoulder, Bastien comes to a stop a couple of paces away. The prince of Cotea hesitates there for a moment before propelling himself the last short distance and tucking his own arm around me.
I pull back just enough to give each of them a tender kiss and then gather myself for the discussion ahead. “Do you have every aspect of your plan worked out? Is there any way I can help after the fight is over?”
Lorenzo shakes his head. “You just need to keep playing the part of victor. We’ll take care of everything during the festivities afterward.”
Bastien’s expression has turned even more solemn at the reminder of the immense responsibility they’re facing tomorrow. “You said the sedative should keep her in a deep unconscious state for several hours, didn’t you?”
“I believe so. It’s adapting the one I’ve given Marclinus a few times now, and he’s always slept through the whole night afterward. But with different body types and not being able to dose very accurately…”
It’s possible I won’t just sedate this woman but outright poison her to the death I was attempting to prevent. But making the attempt feels so much more right than giving in to the empire’s brutality without at least trying.
Raul joins our cluster and squeezes my shoulder. “We’ll get her out of there as quickly as possible. Lorenzo will make sure no one notices us messing with the bodies. We’ve got a source for a corpse we can toss in her place. Then we stay concealed and haul her out of the city. ”
I swallow thickly. “Are you sure no one will notice that the corpse isn’t her?”
“We’ll bash up the face enough that no one would expect to recognize her. It isn’t as if anyone will have paid that much attention to her exact looks.”
Bastien nods. “It’s a big city, which means plenty of deaths every week through ordinary causes. It shouldn’t be hard to find a body that’s decently close.”
“And after you get her out of the city?” I ask.
Lorenzo twines his fingers with mine. “We’ll leave her in a secluded spot well away from the roads, with some food and a note telling her to head home to Lavira.”
Raul lets out a dark chuckle. “She’d better have enough sense to listen to it. But even if she’s reckless enough to make trouble here on her own, she’ll have no idea how she got out of the city or who helped her. She can dig her own grave if she wants, but she can’t dig ours.”
I don’t think I can ask for more of a guarantee than that.
I ease away from the men to pace across the bedroom, searching my mind for any question I haven’t asked, any concern I should raise before we tumble into this possibly mad scheme. Nothing comes to me except a twinge of queasiness that isn’t all nerves.
My pulse thrums faster. I look over at my three princes, the men who’ve followed me so far into mutiny and are on the verge of following me farther still.
I hadn’t decided if I was going to tell them this last part—if it would cause them that much more heartache tomorrow if I fail. But perhaps what matters more is how the knowledge will serve them if I succeed and the rest of the burden falls on their shoulders.
They’ll have that much more inspiration to guide them, that much more reason to ensure they make it back to me .
I grope for the best way to make the announcement, but most of my words have fled me.
The princes are watching me, Lorenzo knitting his brow. “Are you all right, Rell?”
There’s nothing for it except to simply spit it out. Why should it be a grand proclamation? People get pregnant every day.
As ordinary as my state might be, a smile touches my lips with the anxious but giddying fact of it.
“It worked,” I say softly. “The next part of our bigger plans. There’s an imperial heir on the way.”
The men freeze for a moment before understanding dawns on all their faces. I can’t stop myself from focusing on Bastien.
All four of us conspired to bring this child into being, but it’s his the most literally out of the three.
His eyes have widened. He steps forward as if transfixed, touching my cheek and my shoulder and then lowering his hands to my belly, which won’t hold the curve that reveals the new life inside me for some weeks yet.
When he meets my eyes again, the smile that stretches across his face sends a pang straight through my heart. I answer it, so much bittersweet emotion swelling inside me that I lose my words completely.
I’m going to bring a child into this world. I couldn’t have asked for a more devoted father.
But Bastien may never get to act as a parent to our son or daughter. We can never reveal the truth of this baby’s origins. Everything we’ve worked toward depends on the empire believing the child is my husband’s.
His voice comes out choked. “You’re still—tomorrow?—”
A lump rises in my own throat. “I have to. There’s no point having this child if I’m not in a position to protect them in every possible way. ”
Bastien bows his head, seeking out my lips for the sweetest of kisses. With a rasp of feet across the rug, Raul and Lorenzo join us, encircling me in a ring of warmth.
We’re on our way. We have so much to fight for.
By all that’s holy, let us see this perilous plan through.
Raul’s voice has roughened as well. “You really need your rest so you can stay safe tomorrow, Shepherdess. I should get you back to your room.”
I cling to them for a few more beats of my heart, soaking in their love. Bastien steals one last kiss, as does Lorenzo, soft and lingering. Then I follow Raul to the door.
Once I’ve traveled through the hidden passages back to my apartment, I find I’m not quite ready to turn in for the night after all. A restlessness winds through my limbs. The stutter of my pulse stirs up flickers of images from my dreams: the lambs, the hawk.
At least one godlen has reached out to me. I can do the same in return, for whatever good it might do our cause.
I open my door with my head held high. “I’m visiting the palace temple.”
As usual, the two guards stationed outside make no comment. I glide through the halls to the temple that’s attached to the side of the palace as swiftly as I can without looking frantic.
A few lanterns still glow under the temple’s immense domed roof. I glance around at the alcoves dedicated to each of the lesser gods who watch over us and go to kneel on the white cushion in front of Elox’s statue.
Tapping my fingers to mind, heart, and gut in the gesture of the divinities, I bow my head. With each even breath, I direct my inner voice toward the godlen of peace and healing.
I know I haven’t followed the exact path you laid before me. Please stay with me through tomorrow’s struggle. By saving this woman’s life, I’m choosing peace. I’m living the principles you’ve taught, honoring my faith in you.
No answer comes. My throat tightens, but I cast out another message. I may not be choosing peace when it comes to my husband, but you’ve seen how little he’s offered me. He has several months before I’m in a position to act on my intentions. If he can change for the better in that time, I can change my mind too. If he hasn’t, I hope you’ll recognize that he’s one more obstacle in our way to the kinder future we both want.
I wait on the cushion for a few minutes longer, lapsing into a light meditation. Nothing I can call even a vague vision passes before my eyes.
Please, let Elox at least be considering my point rather than dismissing me.
When I get to my feet, my attention veers to the statue of the godlen whose interests I’m meant to cater to directly tomorrow morning.
Sabrelle stands stern and mighty, one foot resting on the body of a slain stag. Her marble-carved armor has been polished to such a sheen I could almost believe it’s the palest of metals. She stares out from beneath her tufted helm as if daring anyone to challenge her.
I sink onto her scarlet pillow, offering up the three-fingered tap to her as well. Sabrelle, our principles are often at odds, but I believe I’m still serving yours with my strategy tomorrow. You appreciate clever military tactics as well as brute strength. I’m waging my own sort of war, and to win it I need both might and wits. Please don’t take the combination as an insult but as the most powerful approach to combat I can offer.
The godlen of war doesn’t deign to bless me with a vision or any other sort of response either. Finally, I push to my feet.
I’ve said my piece. I’ve done everything I can. Tomorrow, I’ll decide my own fate—and perhaps that of the entire empire.