Chapter 18
Leaving his sister’s apartment, Darcy stopped in the hall, torn between his duty to attend to his guests and his worry in regard to what was happening behind the closed door.
After their separation, his reunion with Elizabeth was as pleasant as it was disturbing.
His feelings — profound and disquieting — provided the final evidence that his relationship with Elizabeth had overstepped the boundary of friendship, at least on his side.
Of her feelings, he was uncertain, but he did not allow himself to reflect much upon it, since he had decided to take no action.
Courting Elizabeth while she was meeting with his sister was unthinkable; besides, he was not even certain he wished to.
Any display of his sentiments would imply a prior decision to pursue her to the altar.
As powerful as his admiration for Elizabeth was, and as strong as his affection for her grew, as much as he respected her father, there were still some significant objections to such a union.
Considering the distressing situation with Georgiana, an action that could arouse conflict and more turmoil within the family was the last thing Darcy wanted.
Besides, he was uncertain of Elizabeth’s feelings too, though he assumed she would not reject a marriage proposal from him.
It was not arrogance but common sense — that, Darcy did not doubt.
But such reflections were in vain, as his feelings and desires in regard to Elizabeth were of little consequence at that time.
He leant his ear towards the door, listening, but nothing could be heard.
A day prior, he had been content seeing Georgiana animated about Elizabeth’s visit. She seemed to look forward to it, giving him evidence that his little plan had been correct.
Earlier that morning, Georgiana’s lack of spirits and her refusal to meet the guests had hurt and disappointed him. He had sent for the doctor but suspected it was not an illness that had changed Georgiana’s mind but her poor disposition and usual reluctance to meet strangers.
He felt embarrassed and guilty towards Elizabeth and her father and feared they might be offended. Regardless, he did not even consider disrespecting his sister’s wish, until Elizabeth decided otherwise, taking both of them by surprise.
Darcy would never have imposed upon anyone who had expressed a desire for privacy. He knew Georgiana had been stunned, even panicked by Elizabeth’s impromptu appearance, and even to him, it was a bold action that broke the rules of decorum.
What convinced him to accept that questionable encounter was Elizabeth’s determination and her genuine concern for Georgiana. He was impressed by her statement that she did not need to be entertained, nor would she be offended by a rejection.
Such devotion for someone she had not seen in ten years was uncommon and touching.
Also astonishing was Georgiana’s readiness to accept Elizabeth’s presence, despite its impropriety.
There was something in Elizabeth’s manners, her expression, and especially in her eyes that seemed appealing to all the Darcys, he mused, while finally returning to his other visitors.
Still doubtful, he prayed that the reunion behind the closed door would not harm any of the ladies dear to his heart.
Mr Bennet and Mr Gardiner were waiting, restless and obviously worried. He assured them all was well momentarily, then invited them to the library for another drink.
***
Very soon, the silence became awkward; Georgiana looked at Elizabeth with penetrating blue eyes shadowed by a sadness that was almost palpable.
“I am sorry that you found me in such a horrible state. I am sure I look terrible,” she whispered.
“Not at all,” Elizabeth replied. “You look just like me or my sisters when we are unwell or tired after a sleepless night. Except we are grumpier,” she joked.
“You have more sisters?” the girl enquired.
“Yes, four sisters.”
“Oh yes, my brother mentioned that to me…”
“Miss Bennet, would you like some tea?” Mrs Annesley intervened politely.
Elizabeth glanced at the lady, then at Georgiana.
“That would be lovely, but only if you and Miss Darcy will have some too,” Elizabeth said. “Mr Darcy told me you did not eat breakfast.”
“That is true. Miss Darcy has not eaten at all,” Mrs Annesley replied with affectionate reproach.
“I felt unwell, and I was not hungry,” Georgiana whispered, lowering her eyes.
Elizabeth caught Mrs Annesley’s pained expression, so she instantly decided to continue to be bold.
“I confess I hardly ate anything at all. I was so eager to see you today that I lost my appetite. Tea would be lovely. Even a little something to eat, if possible?”
Georgiana seemed positively shocked, but Mrs Annesley became more animated.
“Of course, anything you like, Miss Bennet. I shall go to the kitchen to order it immediately.”
The lady was ready to leave when Elizabeth called to her.
“Mrs Annesley, anything you order, please request enough for all three of us. I have no intention of eating alone.”
“Of course, Miss Bennet!”
As soon as Mrs Annesley left, Elizabeth turned her gaze towards Georgiana.
“You have grown up to be so beautiful, but I can still remember the little girl I met ten years ago at Pemberley,” she said, putting the warmth from her heart into her voice.
“I am sorry, I do not remember you,” the girl answered. “Mrs Reynolds told me about you… She wrote me two letters and explained everything. I do remember something…but I do not recognise you.”
“That is understandable. You were very young, and I am sure I have changed a lot in ten years. Do you remember this?” Elizabeth asked, leaning forwards so the girl could see her necklace. Georgiana moved closer until she could see properly.
“I remember it! I have one almost the same, only the stones are a different colour.”
“I know. Lady Anne told me as much when she gave it to me,” Elizabeth said.
“It happened when you saved me from drowning, did it not? I might have died without your intervention. Mrs Reynolds told me that.”
“Mrs Reynolds is giving me too much credit! There were many other people there taking care of you. I am sure someone would have intervened immediately. I just happened to see you and jumped in the water first. It might have been because I was a wild child. My mother always reminds me of that, and it is not praise.”
They were now so close to each other, only inches separating them. Relieved that Georgiana seemed to accept her presence instead of rejecting her, Elizabeth smiled again with her whole heart. Suddenly, the girl sighed.
“I do remember you! Not your figure, but the way you look at me!” she whispered.
“I am glad you do,” Elizabeth answered, gently touching the girl’s hand. “And I am glad you have not sent me away yet. I know my unexpected entrance distressed you.”
“I do not wish to send you away. But I was distressed to see you. I did not imagine you wished to see me, considering my situation…”
“I have longed to see you for ten years. I wished to see you and know you were well, and even more so when I found out you were ill.”
“Thank you. You are very kind,” the girl replied in a weak whisper. “If you only knew… I do not deserve your kindness. I wanted to see you too, but if you knew more about me, about my terrible behaviour, you would not wish to be near me at all.”
The small voice, burdened with sadness that seemed overwhelming for the girl’s thin body and frail strength broke Elizabeth’s heart.
She could feel the dismay in Georgiana’s voice, and for a moment, grief made her helpless and speechless.
Her only thought was that she could finally understand Mr Darcy’s anguish.
However, that moment passed soon, and Elizabeth’s spirits rose, whilst affection and care pushed her into acting as her heart induced her, with little regard for decorum.
“I do not want to sound disrespectful, but I dismiss such a statement. I can see you are suffering, but I cannot imagine the reason for it. A young lady like you, so sensible, so well educated, so loved by her family and always guarded by a companion, could not have many occasions to behave so wrongly as you suggest. Even if you did, any mistakes at your young age cannot be given too much significance and are certainly easy to remedy.”
“But I did! I made a terrible mistake, which deeply hurt my brother and my entire family. I am only telling you this because I want to protect you from being associated with me and suffering the consequences.”
Georgiana’s grief and the words that seemed to burst out as if they had been kept imprisoned for too long, added to Mr Darcy’s prior confession and strengthened Elizabeth’s worst suspicions.
“Miss Darcy, I see you are tormented, and you probably assume the situation is worse than it is. You should know that my youngest sister is your age, and she behaves badly at least three times a day. Unlike you, she could not care less.” She struggled to sound light, but the girl was not amused.
“You should trust my word, Miss Bennet. It would be safer for you if you leave now. I thank you for taking the trouble to visit me. I do not wish to repay your kindness with harm.”
Elizabeth stretched out her hand to hold the girl’s. She startled at the touch and withdrew a few inches.
“Miss Darcy, if you are giving me the choice, I have no intention of leaving. I came to see you, to renew our friendship if possible. Friends are not together only in times of happiness, only to be entertained. I have come to be at your side if you will allow me. I shall leave if you want me to, but it will be against my desire, and that would hurt me indeed.”
Elizabeth’s decided statement clearly stunned Georgiana. In disbelief and silence, she seemed torn and fearful about how to reply. Then, with a little gesture that appeared of great difficulty to her, she stretched out her own hand and touched Elizabeth’s.
“I do not want you to leave, Miss Bennet. But it would not be fair to allow you to stay,” she whispered.
Then her words were choked by tears falling down her pale face.
Heavyhearted, Elizabeth put aside any prudence and moved closer on the bed, placing her arms around the girl and embracing her tightly.
Georgiana froze, as if she did not know what to do other than to allow the tears to burst out, to free her soul from the burden of hidden suffering.
Elizabeth stroked the girl’s hair gently, wondering, fearing to imagine what had caused such devastating grief.
Neither of them heard the door opening and Mrs Annesley entering together with Mr Darcy, nor noticed the two staring at them with astonishment and panic.
“Miss Bennet? Georgiana? What happened?” Mr Darcy asked, and his strong voice, although soothed by concern, startled the two friends.
Georgiana immediately withdrew, as though she was ashamed of her weakness, and turned her head to wipe her eyes.
“Nothing happened. We were just sharing memories and were a little bit overwhelmed by our emotions,” Elizabeth explained, trying to conceal her own tears. Her eyes met Mr Darcy’s for an instant, and she was certain he understood more than her reply revealed.
“We brought some food and some tea,” Mrs Annesley said. “The master was so kind as to help me carry the tray. I shall put it here, on the table.”
“And I have come to tell Miss Bennet that her father and uncle wish to leave in an hour,” Darcy added.
“Oh…so soon?” Georgiana sighed.
“It does seem too soon,” Elizabeth admitted, smiling reassuringly at the girl. “Mr Darcy, if my father and uncle need to leave and I wish to stay longer, would there be a way for me to return to Gracechurch Street later?”
Her question brightened Georgiana’s face, and Mr Darcy’s expression also softened.
“Of course, Miss Bennet. If your father approves, I shall place a carriage with a footman and a maid at your disposal to use as you please. You may stay as long as you wish.”
“And there is also a room prepared for you on this floor, next to my chamber, if you wish to rest or to stay overnight,” Mrs Annesley said, trying to sound helpful.
Although that had been the plan from the very beginning, the notion of staying in Mr Darcy’s house disquieted Elizabeth for a moment, as neither of them had expected it to occur so quickly. She dared cast a glance at him; he was gazing at her, waiting.
“Could you stay?” Georgiana asked with equal hope and fear in her eyes.
After another brief silent exchange with Mr Darcy, Elizabeth smiled at the girl.
“I shall speak to my father and ask for his approval immediately. There is nothing I would like more than to stay,” she agreed.
“Will you not eat first? The tea and the soup will get cold,” Mrs Annesley caringly offered.
“If you do not mind, I shall speak to my father first. It should not take long,” Elizabeth said.
“I shall show you to your father, Miss Bennet,” Mr Darcy offered, leading her to the door. When she was ready to leave, Georgiana called to her.
“Miss Bennet? Will you return?”
There was so much sadness in that plea that Elizabeth felt cold shivers down her spine.
“Of course I shall. But only if you call me Elizabeth. Or Lizzy, if you prefer, as you called me before,” she jested, and a little hint of mirth lit in Georgiana’s blue eyes.
“I shall wait for you…Lizzy,” the girl replied, a trace of a smile twisting her lips as she wiped the last of the tears from her face.
Mr Darcy opened the door and held it, and Elizabeth left, glancing back towards Georgiana.
In the hall, the two of them stood still, gazing at each other for a long moment.
“Miss Bennet, do you wish to stay? I do not want you to feel forced to do something against your will,” Mr Darcy said.
“You must not worry, sir. Everything I am doing is according to my wishes, and I accepted the invitation with all my heart. Do you wish me to stay, Mr Darcy?” she enquired, her gaze locked with his.
“With all my heart, Miss Bennet,” he said, the corners of his mouth twisted in a small smile as he mirrored her answer. “I cannot express how grateful I am to you.”
“Then do not speak of gratitude, Mr Darcy. You have already done it too many times,” she continued. “Please take me to my father. I promised to return before the tea and soup get cold.”
And yet, he remained still another moment, then took her hand and briefly brought it to his lips, bowing his head in a gesture of thankfulness.
“Thank you,” he repeated in complete earnest, then offered her his arm and hurried towards the library.