Chapter 19 #2
“Lizzy may go, but I am not hungry. In fact, I ate earlier. I am sorry, Brother,” the girl said apologetically.
“We thank you for the invitation, Mr Darcy, but we shall not come downstairs tonight,” Elizabeth replied. “However, we would like something to eat, if possible. I am still hungry, and Georgiana promised me she would always keep me company while I am eating,” she said, smiling meaningfully.
A trace of a smile appeared on his lips too. “Of course, Miss Bennet. You only need to ring once, and a maid will come to attend you. And…Miss Bennet, are you pleased with your chamber?”
“Very much so, Mr Darcy.”
“If you wish, there are other larger ones, even on this floor—”
“Mrs Annesley told me,” she interrupted him. “But the one I have is perfect. Thank you for choosing it.”
Their gazes locked briefly once more, then he bowed and left.
“Your brother seems very fond of you.” Elizabeth turned her eyes and smile at Georgiana. “He always speaks highly of you and is very proud of your accomplishments.”
“My brother is too good to me. I do not deserve it,” Georgiana answered in a low voice. “He has no reason to be proud of me. I am not worthy of his affection.”
“I am certain that is not true, my dear. But I shall not argue with you again on this subject. Not today, and not before dinner,” Elizabeth concluded, keeping her smile, although the girl’s sorrow was like a knife in her heart.
“It is true. He knows the faults of my character, and he is still kind to me. I am so ashamed when I am around him. And you… If I would only dare to tell you…”
“Georgiana, let us speak no more of such things tonight. You should know you can tell me anything when you are willing to. As for faults of character, just wait to hear about mine. And about your brother’s, if I may be so bold as to mention it.”
The young lady’s eyes widened. “My brother’s? Fitzwilliam is a man without fault,” she stated decidedly, and Elizabeth laughed.
“He might be without fault to you, just as you are without fault to him, my dear. But you cannot deny that he is haughty and arrogant with strangers, quite impolite at balls and parties, and refuses to dance even when gentlemen are scarce and more than one lady is in want of a partner,” Elizabeth concluded, her eyebrow arched in challenge.
After another moment of hesitation, Georgiana put her hand to her mouth to conceal a chuckle. “I cannot deny it,” she admitted, and Elizabeth laughed again.
Mrs Annesley returned shortly, and dinner was ordered for all three of them.
Elizabeth was pleased that her efforts to raise Georgiana’s spirits were not in vain.
There were several moments when the girl seemed to forget the grief that burdened her soul and allowed herself to be amused by her companions.
Late in the evening, Mr Darcy came again to wish them a good night, and not long after that, Georgiana began to show signs of exhaustion.
She assured both Elizabeth and Mrs Annesley that she was well and needed no help, asking them to retire to their own rooms, which they eventually did, even though both were reluctant to leave her.
Alone in her bedchamber, Elizabeth felt restless.
She changed into the borrowed nightgown, which fitted her well enough, and climbed into bed, tired after the previous agitated night and eventful day but not enough to sleep.
She got up again and looked through the window at the view of the street.
There were torches burning and carriages passing; the sky looked serene, with stars and a bright moon.
It was probably very cold. Her room was warmed by the glowing fire, but she still felt a hole of ice in her stomach.
She considered writing to Jane to calm herself, but there was no paper or ink. Nervousness made her thirsty, and only then did she realise there was nothing to drink in her room.
Wrapping the robe around her, and holding a candle to guide her, Elizabeth exited the room in search of a maid.
She remembered the route to the library, and there she went, hoping to find the desired paper and pen too.
With the hour so late, the house was silent and dark. Her steps sounded loud and strange.
Elizabeth stopped in front of the library door and pushed it carefully.
The room was also dark; only the fire was still burning steadily.
She walked towards the wooden desk — Mr Darcy’s desk!
— and immediately she noticed a pile of paper, as well as a pot of ink and some pens.
For a moment, she even considered sitting on his chair and writing the letter at his desk, but her galloping heart changed her mind.
Furthermore, she realised that taking some paper and a pen without asking permission would be unacceptable.
She only dared to pour herself a glass of wine, sipped it, and turned to leave when a voice halted her.
“Miss Bennet?”
The surprise startled her. She dropped the glass and the candle on the floor.
Fortunately, the carpet was thick and soft, and the glass survived, but the candle was extinguished.
Elizabeth leant down to pick it up, and so did Mr Darcy.
As they crouched, they almost collided, and she stumbled.
His strong arm grabbed her, then he rose to standing, pulling her up with him.
“Miss Bennet, why are you here? Are you unwell? Has something happened to Georgiana?” he asked, his voice laced with panic.
Shame put a lump in her throat.
She shook her head. “I am perfectly well, sir. I apologise for disturbing you. I came to find a drink…and I wished to write to Jane. I thought I could find some paper in here,” she mumbled, looking everywhere except at him. In the dark room, lit only by the fire, her heart was racing wildly.
He immediately lit two candles on the desk, and her face was in full light as he gazed at her.
“Forgive me for not considering it earlier. I shall send paper and ink to your room. As for a drink, the maid certainly forgot it. There is no reason to leave your room in the middle of the night. You only need to ring and ask for whatever you need.”
“Yes, I know…but I did not wish to disturb anyone just for a little wine. I am sorry I still disturbed you…”
“You did not disturb me. I only feared the worst when I saw you here. And there are several servants who are on duty at night, so it will be no bother for anyone.”
“Oh…” She felt silly, as she only thought of Hill and John, who worked hard every day and needed rest at night. Surely the servants in Mr Darcy’s house could not compare.
“Miss Bennet, would you like some tea or hot milk to help you sleep? Or a little bit of port, perhaps?”
She smiled, finally gaining some composure, although her cheeks were still warm.
“No, thank you. Only a little wine. Please, have a glass with me. If you would like to, that is.”
“Would you like some paper and ink, too?”
“If you do not mind.”
“Quite the contrary. A maid will bring you everything you need.”
“Thank you,” she repeated. Their gazes were still locked, and neither of them broke away.
“It is cold and very late. Not a proper time for a conversation,” he finally said. “You should return to your room now, Miss Bennet. I shall send a maid with everything you need.”
“Yes, of course,” she replied, her cheeks burning again.
How silly of her to venture out like that in the middle of the night.
What if a servant had seen her alone with the master in the library?
She had not even considered that, but he had.
He was very careful to preserve his good name and his reputation, whereas she had acted carelessly.
“Good night, Mr Darcy.”
“Good night, Miss Bennet. And…”
“Yes?”
“No, nothing… We can talk more tomorrow, in the daylight.”
With those words, he dismissed her. He only took a few steps to accompany her to the door but kept a significant distance between them.
He opened the door for her, as she had the glass in one hand and the candle in the other.
For only an instant, they were so close that their bodies brushed against each other.
The silky nightgown glided against her skin like a tentative caress.
She hurried her steps, hoping that he would not notice her heated face nor hear her heart beating.
She did not turn her head at all, but she still felt his gaze upon her.
***
Darcy remained at the door, gazing at Elizabeth as she walked away, the fabric of the nightgown dancing around her figure. It was the first time he had seen her with her hair loose, falling over her shoulders. He had dreamt of her thus but did not dare admit it even to himself.
He was grateful she had left before she had noticed his perturbed state of mind. He returned to his seat, filled a glass of brandy, and opened the window widely, allowing the freezing air to cool his senses.