Chapter 31 #2
“I shall speak to her immediately,” he said, hurrying up the stairs with Georgiana barely keeping pace with him. A sharp claw was gripping his chest, and he took a moment outside her door to catch his breath.
“My dear, I wish to speak to Miss Bennet alone,” he said. Georgiana seemed a little bit surprised. “I do not wish to disturb her with my presence, so please enter and ask her if she would speak to me privately.”
The girl nodded, knocked, and entered. Darcy waited in the hall, time passing painfully slowly. Finally, when the door opened again, Georgiana appeared, together with Mrs Annesley and a maid.
“Lizzy said you may enter,” she whispered.
“You may wait here. It will not take long,” he replied, loud enough that the maid could hear too. The last thing he needed was more rumours about him and Elizabeth.
He found her sitting on a chair near the small table by the window.
She looked at him; her eyes, burdened by sadness, had lost their sparkle, and no trace of a smile touched her lips, pressed together in an obvious attempt at fighting tears.
He asked permission to sit, and she granted it silently.
“You look tired, sir,” she whispered.
“My tiredness is nothing compared with your sadness, Miss Bennet. I shall not even beg your forgiveness. The circumstances are beyond apologies, and I shall never be able to remedy the turmoil you have been through.”
“There is nothing for you to remedy, sir. Please do not distress yourself with further blame which does not belong to you,” she said with a glimpse of teasing in her voice.
“You wish to leave?”
“I do…I feel it is time. Georgiana has grown stronger, and her health is completely recovered. I shall write to her often—”
“Georgiana has improved in spirits and in health because of you. We cannot ask you to stay against your will, but she will not be the same without you. Neither of us will.”
“Staying would not be against my will. Quite the opposite. I simply must leave.”
“I understand you are upset with us, with the entire family. And with good reason.”
“Oh, please, do not say that. I have already begged Georgiana not to assume such a thing. I am not upset with either of you. Why would I be? The time I have spent here has been some of the happiest of my life.”
“And of our lives,” he added, a little pause following his words.
“May I ask…if you are not upset with us, why do you want to leave now? You must not fear — Lady Catherine will never bother you again. I have settled things with her in a way that will never allow such an incident to occur again.”
“I am not afraid of Lady Catherine.” She smiled bitterly. “The only reason I did not treat her with the harshness she deserved was my consideration for her as Lady Anne’s sister. Otherwise, she would have heard more from me.”
She looked a little more at ease as the conversation progressed.
“Miss Bennet, I trust you more than almost anyone else I know, and I know you would not deceive me. If you want to leave to return to your family, that would be understandable. I shall make the arrangements for you to travel safely to the Gardiners’ or to Longbourn.
But if you wish to stay, please do not go, whatever the reason might be… ”
***
His hoarse voice made Elizabeth tremble; he spoke so tenderly, so protectively. His expression was so affectionate that it made her heart melt.
Or perhaps that was only what she hoped to see, to respond to the feelings inside her.
“My staying here could be more damaging than helpful to you and to Georgiana. And perhaps to me too. If such rumours reached Lady Catherine in Kent, they surely have spread among my family and friends as well. I was foolish to overlook the danger when you warned me about it from the very beginning.”
“No rumours have been spread. It seems Miss Bingley, in an act of rage, wrote to my aunt, and she questioned her clergyman, then drew her own conclusions.”
“Oh…” Elizabeth sighed. “Yes, Caroline Bingley. She found us that day, and she imagined… What an imprudent lady! What pains me the most is that Georgiana was exposed to such dreadful accusations. I was so ashamed that she could imagine that… Even if she doubted me, how could your aunt assume such horrible things about you?”
“My aunt is the most unreasonable woman one could imagine. And Miss Bingley is not far removed. I owe her my opinion on this matter.”
“Perhaps. But let us be honest and reasonable and treat the situation with calm,” Elizabeth said.
“You knew such rumours might arise, and I disregarded them. It was my fault. I should not have come to your library that day…or any other day. As much as I enjoyed talking to you, my imprudence might harm your reputation and mine. This is why I must leave before more damage is done.”
Elizabeth had calmed her distress somewhat, and speaking to Mr Darcy put her more and more at ease. On the contrary, she saw Mr Darcy’s countenance become graver, his voice lower, and his gaze darker.
“Miss Bennet, I cherished every moment I spent with you — alone or with others. Every time I was in the library, I hoped you would come. Every time I heard steps in the hall, I was startled and prayed it was you. I longed to see you first thing in the morning and last thing at night.”
Elizabeth stared at him, listening with amazement, wondering about the meaning of his words, not daring to accept her comprehension.
“I have not been honest or reasonable for a long time in regard to you. I have struggled to conceal my feelings and remain silent to protect you from a confession I feared you might not wish to hear. My struggle was in vain, and my disguise caused more harm than the truth would have. With complete honesty and all fears aside, I must tell you how ardently I love and admire you.”
The tumult of feelings that overwhelmed Elizabeth took her breath away and silenced her. With his every word, her heart raced as she struggled to keep her mind alert, although she felt dizzy with perturbation.
“Perhaps this was not the proper time to speak. Perhaps I was wrong not to remain silent and have only added more to your distress. I cannot judge clearly enough to decide what is best. Your wishes and feelings are the most important to me, but my love is so selfish that it cannot be repressed any longer.”
“You were not wrong, Mr Darcy. Your silence would have added much more to my distress than your words did. If I say little, it is because I feel too much, and I still do not dare to be sure of your meaning. I am still not certain if I understand you clearly. I am not even certain that this moment is real or just a dream meant to comfort me.”
“You have always understood me quite well, Miss Bennet. If I did not express myself clearly enough, allow me to do so now. I shall simply ask: Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth?”
He moved closer and knelt in front of her, waiting. His soul, freed from the burden of the belated confession, waited for her answer.
Elizabeth was still tearful, and words still betrayed her. His handsome features were now brightened by pure delight; she gently touched his face and cupped it with trembling hands. He turned his head so he could place a soft, lingering kiss in each of her palms.
“Yes, Mr Darcy. You must know my answer is yes. You must have known it for a long time now,” she whispered. Then slowly, she lowered her face so that their lips met in a sigh of shared love that soothed any prior turmoil.
“I believe I did know, but just like you, I did not dare to be sure of it,” he answered, his lips claiming hers again, this time more daring, with no remaining doubts or fears.