Chapter 29
Sophie
Itake his bishop and break the silence. “I hope you didn’t get into a lot of trouble for what you did. For me.”
“I haven’t done it for you.”
The hum I let out sounds unconvinced.
“He shouldn’t have done that.”
“Of course, he shouldn’t. But my guess is that men in your circles” —I shoot him a pointed look, so he knows I mean him, too— “do things they shouldn’t more often than not.”
“Yes, and no. We have our rules that we abide by. After all, what is a man without his code?”
My dad. I let out an internal snicker, doubting he’d appreciate the joke.
“Does your code involve making young girls do whatever they do upstairs?” I glance at the ceiling.
He sucks in a breath. “That’s different. They have a choice. You didn’t.”
I nod. “You’re right, I didn’t have a choice.
But I don’t think they do, either. Look at us.
” I gesture my head toward the chessboard.
“I’m threatening your king. You have the choice of sacrificing the queen or the rook.
Both choices will end up the same. By me checkmating you.
Meaning, your choice is simply an illusion. I’d argue their choice is, too.”
He stares at me, his Adam’s apple bobbing with a swallow. I know he knows what I mean. I know he partially agrees with what I said, which is why I said it in the first place.
This morally gray mafia man showed more honor than a lot of guys claiming they’re good. He’s a mystery. One I’m dying to solve. He kills. And sells drugs and weapons. He buys a sex club. But wishes to make it a safe place for people to explore. He kidnaps innocent women, then takes care of them.
“One could argue that killing a man I’m employing wasn’t a choice I had.
” His gaze is on the board, but I’m enthralled with looking at him.
“One could also argue that there was no other choice but to do what I did. Not after what he tried to do. So I guess how we perceive the choice is the illusion, not the choice itself.”
My lips turn up. “Hmm. It’s an angle I haven’t explored yet.” It’s a gold mine for my brain, which is currently rethinking every thought I ever had, just to figure out if I agree with what he said. It’s the most stimulated my mind has been since I’ve been trapped here.
There’s so much hiding under his rough persona. So much to unravel. And a part of me itches to unravel every inch.
My mind elsewhere, I notice the mistake just a second too late.
“Checkmate,” he says, and I hear the smile in his voice even though I’m not looking at him.
“Don’t get used to it.”
Laughter bubbles out of him.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “If what you said is true, it would mean that I have a choice not to be here. But I simply haven’t found that choice yet.”
“Guess so.” He seems pensive for a second, before darting his eyes to mine. “But if anyone can find it, it’s you.”
My breath catches in my throat. His eyes are down-turned, almost sad. Like he wishes he could give me that choice.
The moment lasts forever, the sound of my heartbeat steady in my ears. It gets broken by his phone vibrating in his pocket.
He presses his phone to his ear, standing up and approaching the door. I put away the chess pieces, clear the table and get back to bed. I open the book in my lap, but I’m barely seeing the words before me.
If he can’t give me the choice of getting me out of here, where does that leave me?
I guess I’ll need to create that choice myself.
He finishes the call, and I head to take a shower and get ready for bed. It’s probably too early, but I don’t feel like doing anything else.
The thoughts have settled in my mind, meaning the panic has started running rampant again.
Freshly showered, I lie on my back, staring at the place where the couch used to be.
Moisture pools in the corners of my eyes, so I turn to my side.
I’m now looking at Luka hunched over the tiny table, his body overpowering the poor chair.
“Do you plan to sleep here?” I ask, my voice quiet.
“Would you prefer I leave you alone?”
“No,” I blurt out. “But the chair doesn’t seem comfortable.”
He shrugs, not sparing a glance at me.
“You should sleep here. In the bed.”
Now he looks at me, his brows furrowed.
“I’ll be out soon. And won’t even know you’re here.”
Not that sleeping together would be a new thing. After all, we already did more than that. But none of us has mentioned it.
Naturally, I over-thought it. It’s why I decided to read these books, after all.
They turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
When Luka and I had sex, I wanted it to hurt.
And when it did, I felt relief. I felt free.
After just a couple of chapters, it made sense.
It’s, in a way, a mechanism similar to my self-harming.
Replacing emotional pain with physical. But nothing I ever did felt as good as whatever happened between us.
It was also nothing like any previous sexual encounter I ever had.
My brain was silent with the constant, nagging noise of my anxiety. And my body craves that feeling again.
Finally, he responds, “Fine.”
I dip my head, satisfied. Deciding it will make it easier to fall asleep, I turn to my other side, my head now facing the wall.
I start a breathing exercise to help me fall asleep.
Inhale for four. One, two, three, four.
Exhale for four. One, two, three, four.
Hold for four. One, two, three, four.
And again.
Inhale for four…