Chapter 14 #4
What would she say to me, if she was here?
I don’t really know. I can’t predict the words she would use, or the advice she would give – but I do know how she would make me feel.
She would make me feel heard, and safe, and like everything was going to be okay.
That was her greatest gift, and I can only hope I’ve inherited even a fraction of that ability when it comes to my own child.
The ability to make them feel better just by being close.
I’m on my way through into the kitchen when there is a knock on the front door.
This by itself is odd – partly because nobody in Starshine Cove really has such polite boundaries as knocking and waiting, they usually just walk in announcing themselves.
Secondly because everybody is at the party, apart from pregnant ladies who are feeling a bit blue and suspect they need to be put into emotional quarantine so they don’t infect anybody else.
I walk down the hallway, realising as I go that not everybody was at the party.
I smile when I figure out who it might be, my heart instantly feeling lighter.
I pull the door open, and there he is – standing outside in a black suit, a crisp white shirt and a tie that he’s already pulled a little loose.
His hair has been trimmed, his jacket fits to perfection, and he basically takes my breath way.
I stare at him for a few seconds, hoping I’m not drooling.
‘Wow,’ I say, ‘you look… scrumlicious.’
He quirks an eyebrow and grins at me. ‘Scrumlicious? Is that even a word?’
‘It is. If you look it up in the dictionary, it’s next to a photo of you tonight.’
‘And you,’ he replies quickly, gesturing at my outfit. ‘You look… like a grown-up.’
‘I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not. Are you implying that I usually look like a toddler?’
‘No. Just that your normal look is more casual. And your hair is normally bigger. And you have make-up on. It’s… nice.’
I place my hands on my chest, and say: ‘Nice? Be still my beating heart! Where have you been all night anyway? I thought you might be lone wolfing it.’
‘Yeah. I suppose. I, uh, well… I wasn’t going to come. I don’t really like parties that much. And I didn’t have the right clothes, which was a good excuse until Jake insisted I go over to his apartment at the inn, and help myself. He has a lot of clothes.’
I remember my dad telling me Jake’s story – he was some kind of big-shot wheeler-dealer property developer before he moved to Starshine and opted for the quiet life.
I guess his wardrobe still reflects a more glamorous time, and it certainly looks good on Guy.
So good I really can’t stop staring at him.
‘You look a bit like James Bond,’ I say, my eyes running over him. ‘I feel a bit like I might swoon. Do you want a cup of tea?’
‘Will my virtue be safe if I come in?’
‘I make no promises. You can’t come round here looking like that and not expect there to be consequences, pal.’
He smirks as he follows me inside, and I make us both a drink. I offer to put a whisky in his to get his night started, but he says no. I’ve noticed that he hasn’t had a single alcoholic drink at all since I told him I was pregnant – at least not while I’ve been around.
‘Are you not drinking because I’m preggers?’ I ask him, passing him his mug.
He thinks about it for a second, then nods. ‘Yeah. I think so. I didn’t plan it, and now I think about it, maybe it’s a bit weird. I just… I suppose I’ve given up booze in sympathy. Is that really freakish?’
‘Yeah. Totally. But also kind of sweet. I’ve been at the party until about ten minutes ago, and everyone was getting more and more tipsy.
Which is fine – of course it’s fine! – but it’s also a bit tricky.
Like, unless you’re sober, you never realise how much drunk people repeat themselves.
And each time they tell you the same story, you have to pretend to react to it like it’s the first time.
I swear, once I’m drinking again, I’m never going to touch a drop unless everyone else is getting sozzled too. ’
He raises his mug, and replies: ‘Well, cheers anyway!’
‘Cheers! You still haven’t told me why you’re here though. You’re all dressed up – why aren’t you at the party?’
‘I was, but then I realised you weren’t.’
I nudge him playfully and bat my eyelashes at him. ‘Aah, that’s sweet. You just couldn’t bear to be away from me?’
I’m joking, obviously, but he takes it seriously. Guy often thinks before he speaks, which is something I very much appreciate in a person – it makes up for me, who tends to be the opposite.
‘Well, “couldn’t bear” is maybe a bit strong,’ he replies, ‘but I definitely wanted to see you. Everything feels a bit better when you’re around.’
I sip my tea and try to keep the surprise off my face. Surprise at what he just said, and surprise at how it made me feel – warm inside. Better, like he said. As though everything is going to be okay…
There is no real logic to it, and it doesn’t make any sense, but he’s right. I feel exactly the same.
‘Why thank you, kind sir. I know what you mean. It’s like having an ally, isn’t it? Someone who’s always on your side, and likes you even when you’re being a dick? I don’t usually like people getting to know me. I usually like to keep things very surface-level, but with you it’s different.’
‘Why don’t you like people getting to know you?’ he asks seriously. I think about it and screw up my face in disgust.
‘I suppose because I always think that if someone really gets to know me, they won’t like what they find. I’m a hopeless case, aren’t I?’
He nods, his green eyes bright, a small smile playing on his lips. ‘I’m afraid so, yes. Probably best not to think about it too much.’
‘That’s my future life plan, right there – just don’t think about it. So, are you going to go back to the party?’
He nods, looking at me thoughtfully. ‘I should. I will. And so should you. I get that maybe you needed a break from the drunk people, and that you’re tired, and that you needed to escape for a bit.
But can I persuade you to come back out there?
I got all dressed up for the occasion, and now it’ll feel like a waste if I just sit in here drinking tea, then go back to my tent. It’s not very James Bond, is it?’
‘This is true,’ I say, looking at him appreciatively.
‘There’s more to James Bond than looking good in a suit.
James Bond would definitely bring down a super villain and romance at least three women before the night was over.
I’m not sure any of that’s possible in Starshine Cove, but we could at least go and look?
Give me a minute though, because I really need to find my Converse.
There’s no way I’m putting those stupid high heels on again! ’
Within a few minutes we are outside, and I draw us to a pause, laying a hand on his arm. ‘Before we go back to the party, do you want to see something cool?’
‘That sounds like a dangerous question to answer.’
‘Don’t be a wuss! Come on, I want to show you something. I’ve been meaning to for weeks.’
I take hold of his hand and lead him down the side of the café.
Night has started to fall, the sun sliding into the sea in a blaze of deep orange.
I always love this time of day, when everything feels uncertain and magical – not quite one thing or the other, but drifting deliciously between the two.
We get the absolute best sunsets in this part of the world, as good as anything I’ve seen living abroad.
Even as a surly teenager I’d spend hours down here, gazing out to infinity, filled with a sense of wonder.
The music from the party drifts towards us as we walk along the beach, the old Van Morrison song, ‘Brown Eyed Girl’. It’s impossible not to sing along, though not quite as irresistible as the duh-duh-duh in ‘Sweet Caroline’.
I’m glad of my trainers as we approach the caves, because getting inside them involves a small amount of clambering over rocks and sliding between boulders.
I’ve been doing this since I could walk, but it’s an ever-changing landscape – the sand, the waves, nature’s slow and steady dance making constant subtle alterations.
There’s just about enough natural light to illuminate the way in, darkening as we head further inside. The smell is the same as it ever was – seaweed, salt, the slightly metallic scent of the place. Sand and pebbles beneath my feet, the slight echoing of our breath as we walk deeper.
‘Okay,’ I say, once I know we’re in the right place. ‘Are you ready?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Guy replies, sounding slightly bewildered. ‘Am I? So far it’s… Well, it’s a cave.’
‘A-ha, yes, indeed – it is a cave! But it’s no ordinary cave and you, my friend, are about to see one of the unlisted wonders of the world.’
I switch on the flashlight on my phone, wishing I’d brought the torch instead. Or even better a candle, it always looks amazing in here with flickering light…
I hold the phone up and let the light dance all around.
I smile as I hear Guy’s gasp, knowing how mind-melting this can be the first time you see it.
The cave comes alive beneath the bright beam, shining walls of rock that shimmer and glitter and glint.
Above us, around us, everywhere – we are completely surrounded by dazzling shades of silver and gold, green and blue, deep shades of purple and iridescent black.
It’s as though someone has decorated the place with precious jewels, all hiding in plain sight until the light hits them.
‘What is this…?’ Guy mutters, laying his hands flat against the walls, running his fingers over the damp stone. ‘How…? How does it look like this?’
I slowly move the light around in a circle, picking out glimmers of red and pink and silver, a treasure trove of colour and sparkle. I’d almost forgotten quite how spectacular it is.