Chapter 16 #2
Guy was emotionally mature enough to understand that she didn’t necessarily mean it – that she was possibly covering up a deeper response, that she was reluctant to show him any weakness.
Their relationship has improved vastly, but he knows there will always be some fundamental caution on her part, an unwillingness to rely on him fully, and that hurts.
‘It’s easier building her a home than building her trust,’ he’d said.
‘I don’t blame her, and I’m not going to run – but it’s not easy.
I could just say yes to the job and go back to doing something I’m actually good at, where I don’t disappoint people. ’
We’d borrowed Bear from Connie and Zack and talked it over on a long walk along the coastal path to a little town called Charmouth. I tried hard not to hijack the conversation by begging him to stay, Bear peed on a lot of rocks, and Guy spoke in fits and starts.
He needed to get the feeling out of his system, to exorcise it, and it was my job as his friend to help him with that.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little flurry of fear at the idea of him leaving, though, and the activity I suggested as the ultimate catharsis was as much for me as him.
We hired hammers and goggles from the little shop on the beach and went fossil hunting.
We didn’t find any fossils, but there was something supremely satisfying about smashing things up with little metal tools. By the time we got back to Starshine, he was calm again and planning to go and talk to Miranda and reassure her he was going nowhere anytime soon.
Today, it looks like the two of them are making progress.
Work has finally finished on her extension, and naturally enough that is cause for a celebration.
Guy had been embarrassed about it, reluctant to engage with any kind of ceremony, but Connie told him firmly that he had no choice in the matter.
‘I know you haven’t been here long, Guy,’ she’d explained, ‘but surely you’ve realised that resistance is futile? Starshine Cove never turned its back on a bit of a do, and this is as good a reason as any. So stop complaining, be strong, and get your party pants on.’
Now, everyone is gathered around the back of Trevor’s Emporium, and Trevor himself has supplied party poppers, hats, blowers, and an enormous confetti cannon. We’re all waiting for Miranda’s brand-new front door to open, and when it does, predictable chaos will ensue.
Miranda is obviously more of an old hand at this kind of thing and makes sure that Guy emerges a step ahead of her.
A huge racket immediately breaks out, everybody cheering and shouting, the poppers exploding, and the cannon showering him in tiny pink confetti stars.
He looks understandably shocked and freezes on the spot as the celebration continues around him.
James is standing with us, holding Evan’s hand, but he lets him go so he can toddle over to his mum. She lifts him up and kisses him, before turning to Guy. ‘Thank you,’ she says simply. ‘For everything. For coming to find me. For staying. For the bang bang fix.’
I can see that Guy is moved and trying very hard to be macho about it and not cry in public.
This is extra tough when you have pink confetti in your hair.
Luckily, he is soon swamped with people, all pushing past and wanting guided tours of the new place.
I know this might take a while, as there are a lot of people, and it is still quite a small apartment.
He disappears inside, and I smile as I watch him go.
He cast one desperate look in my direction as the human tidal wave engulfed him.
Ha, I think, wandering off towards the green. Welcome to Starshine!
I’ve already seen inside the new abode, and truth be told I’m not feeling great.
So far I’ve had a fairly easy pregnancy, apart from the worry of it all.
I never really had morning sickness, I’ve had no cravings, and the only symptom I’d really noticed was soreness in the booby area.
I’ve been lucky, I suppose – possibly assisted by the fact that for the first few months, I simply pretended it wasn’t happening.
Today, though, I woke up tired after a restless evening.
I kept finding myself annoyingly conscious every hour or so, and of course every time it happened I then needed to go for a wee.
I’d tiptoe along the landing, not wanting to disturb my dad, and then clamber back into bed exhausted.
I did this on rinse and repeat for pretty much the whole night, and today I’m paying the price for all the fun and games.
I sit down on one of the benches at the edge of the village green and take a few deep breaths, placing my hands on my now distinctly curved belly.
I suppose I might as well get used to the sleepless nights and the restless bladder, as both seem to be part of the territory when it comes to motherhood.
Literally every mum I know has always been obsessed with finding the nearest toilet.
I decide to head back home for a little rest, knowing that my dad is out of the house and will in all likelihood remain so for the next few hours.
I’m guessing that once everybody has paraded through Miranda’s newly swished up home, there may well be a follow up celebration at the inn.
‘Any excuse for daytime drinking’ should be the Starshine Cove civic slogan.
I spot Ella walking over, emerging from the side of the café, and she gives me a wave as she heads in my direction. She’s wearing her running gear, and the sand on her trainers tells me she’s been down at the beach. I missed my calling – I should have been a detective.
I hoist myself up to have a chat with her and immediately have a little wobble. One of those head rushes you get when you stand too quickly, and the world goes whoosh. I grab hold of the back of the bench, steadying myself. I really do not feel great at all.
‘You okay?’ she asks, immediately concerned.
‘Um, I think so. Didn’t sleep well and then got a bit dizzy. It’s gone now. Just one of those things, I’m sure.’
She frowns a little, then nods. ‘I’m sure you’re right. Are you coming over to the pub for the party? The one that nobody has officially planned but we all know is about to happen?’
I laugh and shake my head. ‘No, at least not right now. Think I’m going to head back to the cottage and have a little snooze. I might pop in later, just to see exactly how drunk everyone is. Possibly get some video evidence of them doing the Cha Cha Slide while inebriated.’
‘That’s the only time anybody ever does the Cha Cha Slide, to be fair… but okay, I get it. I still remember that feeling, like the whole world is hammered and you’re the only sober person left alive. It’s not a huge amount of fun. Come on, I’ll walk back with you.’
‘You don’t need to do that,’ I tell her. ‘I’m fine!’
‘I know you are, Suzie. But I’m working this afternoon, and I have to take Kitty with me, which will be about as much fun as a hedgehog to the eyeballs, much as I love her.
Jake is currently looking after her while I have my run.
That’s our deal. And he doesn’t know I’ve finished my run, does he?
Hence, if I come back with you, and have a sneaky coffee and a chat, then he’ll think I’m super-dedicated to my fitness regime, and also I’ll get an extra half hour of peace before my surgery starts.
See, it’s a win-win. You’d be doing me a favour. ’
‘Well,’ I say, nodding. ‘When you put it like that, I’m practically a saint, aren’t I?’
We walk together back to the little cul-de-sac, and I have to admit I’m grateful for the company. She keeps up a steady stream of chatter as we head inside, then orders me to go and sit down.
‘Would that be doctor’s orders?’ I ask, laughing.
‘Absolutely. Don’t argue with Dr Zhivago. I’m going to make you a mug of tea and a slice of toast, and you’re going to accept both with grace and charm.’
‘Huh,’ I say, watching as she ties her dark blonde hair back, and gets to work in a kitchen she is obviously familiar with. ‘That would be a first for me. Would it be okay with you, doctor, if I nip to the loo first?’
She shoos me away, and I climb the stairs up to the bathroom.
I’m feeling tired and weedy, like I could crawl under the duvet for a million years.
I’m also now getting a strange cramping pain in my lower belly that I’m trying to ignore, but which is refusing to let me.
My back has been tender all day, but I’ve just been putting it down to my bad night.
Was I wrong? Is there something more going on here?
I clamp down on a flare of panic as I remember what happened last time I was pregnant. This is not the same, I tell myself. This is one baby, and this is later, and I am doing well. There is nothing going wrong.
I go into the bathroom and go to the toilet, and then I see it on the tissue. Spots of blood. A cold sense of dread creeps over me, crushing me, paralysing me. I can’t speak. I can’t move and I can’t think. All I can do is feel.
It’s happening again.
I force myself up and out of the bathroom, put my hands against the wall for support and manage to stagger along to my bed. I sit on the edge of it, my eyes wide and fixed, cold and numb and incapable of doing anything but staring straight ahead.
I have no idea how long I am there, sitting like that, alone. It is clearly longer than I think, because Ella walks into the room looking concerned.
‘You okay?’ she asks. ‘You were gone a while…’
I glance up at her, and she immediately sits next to me, and takes my trembling hands in hers. ‘What’s wrong, Suzie?’
Everything about her is reassuring and calm, and the touch of her fingers finally seems to kick me out of my shocked state.
‘It’s happening again,’ I say quietly, my lips quivering around the words, my heart a dull aching thud in my chest. ‘I feel weird. And there’s blood.’