Chapter 17 #2
I have never seen Guy’s thighs, I realise. This is not a weird thing – I’ve also not seen Archie’s thighs, or Jake’s thighs, or Trevor’s. The difference is that I’d like to see Guy’s, and that little tingle of curiosity and possibly more makes itself known with a sudden speeding-up of my pulse.
‘I’m sure it gives you character,’ I say, ignoring my stupid pulse. ‘Much-needed, I might add.’
He shoots me a look, and replies: ‘I see you’re feeling better.’
I yawn in response, totally unexpectedly, holding my hands over my gaping mouth. Attractive. ‘I am, I suppose. Though still a bit freaked out in all honesty. It’s been an odd day. Are you going to go to the party?’
He thinks about it, then shakes his head. ‘I thought maybe I’d stay here with you, if that’s all right. If not, if you want me to clear off so you can have your space, just say so, you know I won’t mind.’
I do know that. It’s one of the things that Guy and I established early on in our friendship – the fact that sometimes we will both simply need our space, and that we should always speak up when we do.
There is no fear of the other being offended or taking it personally.
On this occasion, though, I realise that I do not want to be alone.
I don’t want my space, not in the slightest. Yes, I am tired, but I also want him to stay.
‘I’d like that,’ I tell him simply. ‘But I’m probably going to fall asleep sometime in the near future. Would you… would you like to snuggle?’
Even as the word sneaks out of my mouth I cringe a little. Snuggle? Where the hell did that come from? He laughs, long and hard, and I can’t help but join in. Snuggle, for goodness’ sake!
‘I’d like that,’ he finally answers, once he’s calmed down. ‘It’s been a long time since I snuggled.’
He kicks off his boots and socks, and a tiny corner of my mind hopes he takes off some more. That maybe I get to see that scar on his thigh, or those beautifully lean muscles that I’ve glimpsed before. I am clearly nothing but a dirty old woman. I wonder if you can get antibiotics for that?
Disappointingly, he climbs into the bed still fully clothed apart from his daringly naked feet.
I turn on my side, and he settles in behind me, cuddling me up in the perfect spoon.
It is, truthfully, a long time since I snuggled as well, and I’d almost forgotten how good it feels.
The simple pleasure of nestling into another human being, feeling safe and cocooned.
Guy is a good man to do that with, long enough and big enough to make me feel small and cosy, like nothing could ever harm me.
I hold on to his hands, tugging him in, wriggling until I’m comfortable.
I sigh out loud and relax fully, feeling his warm breath on my neck, his chest against my back. Is this too much? Is this crossing some kind of line? It is certainly intimate, but not exactly sexy – it’s not been a sexy kind of day.
More to the point, I decide that I don’t care if it’s crossing a line. It feels right. Everything about Guy feels right.
‘So,’ he says, his voice a low rumble in my ear, ‘you told me you loved me today.’
‘I did, didn’t I? And – be still my beating heart!
– you said it too. It’s all a bit confusing, isn’t it?
But I refuse to take it back. I do love you, and life’s too short for pretending otherwise.
I love you, and I’m glad you’re sticking around, and I’m sorry if I’m constantly sending out mixed messages. I’m a work in progress.’
‘That’s okay, so am I. So, where’s your head now? On the whole friends thing. No pressure, I’m just clarifying.’
I drop a little kiss on one of his arms and think about it.
Why am I resisting this? Why am I setting up roadblocks to my own happiness?
Yes, this is an unconventional situation, but so what?
I don’t just like this man, I love him. I need him.
And I most definitely fancy the arse off him.
When the Bad Thing seemed to be happening earlier, he was the only person I wanted near – the only person I wanted to be with.
He took care of me, he reassured me and kept me calm. He was absolutely perfect, and I’m being a giant idiot by ignoring what’s right in front of me.
‘I think,’ I tell him, ‘that I may have been mistaken on the just friends front, Guy. I… Well, you know how I feel about you. How much I want you, as well as like you. All that flirting wasn’t just for show.
But it’s big and it’s scary and it seems like an odd thing to embark on a new relationship when I’m pretty much halfway to having another man’s baby.
I suppose, though, that I am a bit odd, and so are you, and maybe…
Maybe it could work? I mean, when I’m not riddled with bacteria and all – you lucky devil! ’
He tightens his arms around me and nuzzles into my hair. His lips gently brush against the skin of my neck, and riddled with bacteria or not, his touch still sends little flames of desire shooting through my body. Definitely not just friends – who the hell did I think I was kidding?
‘Good. I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses, woman,’ he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
‘I have, and I want to try and make a go of this, Guy, if you still do. This feels special, doesn’t it? Like something we’d be silly to ignore. But I need to take it slow, okay?’
He hooks one of his legs over my hip, and I take in a deep breath. Jesus. Who am I kidding? I’d jump the man’s bones right now if not for my subpar physical state. ‘What does slow look like to you?’ he asks.
‘Like this to start with. Snuggling. And then maybe we build up to canoodling.’
‘Okay. Sounds like a good progression. What’s after canoodling?’
I twist my head around so I can see him, and grin. ‘After canoodling, it’s time for world class sex so limber and athletic that it’d make members of the Cirque du Soleil jealous.’
He raises his eyebrows, a slightly cocky smile playing on his lips. ‘I like the sound of that. Definitely something to look forward to. But for now, I agree, it’s snuggling only. Snuggling, rest, and antibiotics.’
‘I love it when you talk dirty to me.’
‘Shut up and close your eyes. Let’s get you better first and then see how we feel on the canoodling front.
For now, just know this – I love you. I will love this baby.
I love being here, with Miranda and Evan and you.
I know neither of us expected this, but like you said, this is special, and we’d be silly to ignore it.
We can take it slow. We can take it fast. We can take it however feels right to us. But first, sleep…’
I nod and do as I’m told. I really am exhausted in every possible way – but I’m also the happiest I have been in years.