Chapter 11 #2
“Enough of all this loving in my kitchen,” Seth said lightly. “Sammy, put Lady’s food out and then go wash your hands. Dinner will be on the table in about five minutes.”
Dinner was pleasant, and after the cleanup Sammy took Lady out once again, and then Seth made popcorn and they all settled in to watch the movie his son had picked out.
It was a cute tale about a kidnapped dog and the two women who wanted to find the pooch.
It was funny, and they all laughed together more than once.
When it was over, they all returned to the table, where Sammy got cookies and milk, and Seth and Suzanna had a cup of coffee.
It was times like this when Suzanna never wanted to leave. Even though they didn’t know it, Seth and Sammy were the family she’d always wanted. Holly had been right; Sammy was the teacher’s pet. She’d come to love the little boy as if he was her very own.
Each night when she tucked him into bed, she wanted to tell him that she would be his mommy forever. But of course, she couldn’t tell him that. If Seth had his way, Sammy would never have the mother he so desperately wanted, and that broke her heart for Sammy more than anything.
All these things were playing in her mind after Sammy went to bed and it was just her and Seth sitting in the living room. “I guess we’re the talk of the town,” he said in amusement.
“So it seems.” She shifted positions on the sofa, putting more distance between her and Seth. She felt particularly vulnerable tonight, her love for him simmering inside her.
“It must have been a shock when a student announced to the class your personal business.”
“Trust me, it was,” she agreed. “Sammy was totally appalled to be called a teacher’s pet. It’s a real sign of his growth that he didn’t explode and have an anger fit right then and there.”
“I’m really proud of him,” he replied.
“You should be. He’s a special little boy.” She directed her gaze back to the television, where the evening weather was playing.
“Sounds like we’re finally getting some snow later this week,” Seth said when the weather report was finished. “They’re calling for six to eight inches.”
He gazed at her with obvious affection. “It will be nice to be snuggled in with you during a snowstorm.”
“Seth, I’m in love with you.” The words exploded out of her, the simmer finally reaching a boil. She immediately wanted to take the words back as she saw the look of utter dismay on his face.
Seth stared at her, for a moment absolutely gobsmacked by her words. His brain fumbled for a reply. “I…you…you…surely you’re mistaken,” he finally managed to say.
He drew in a deep breath and slowly released it.
“Suzanna, we’ve been playing house here for a little while, and it’s only natural that we’d come to care deeply about each other.
Add in the fact that you view me as your protector, and it’s no wonder you believe yourself to be in love with me, but I’m sure you’re wrong about that. ”
Her cheeks flushed pink. “I know what’s in my heart, Seth, and it’s a deep, abiding love for you and Sammy. I want to marry you and give you babies. Sammy needs that…he needs me and all the love I have for him. I can be the mommy he so desperately wants, and I can be the wife you deserve.”
He shifted positions, uncomfortable with the entire conversation, for the first time completely uncomfortable with her. “Suzanna, I told you my thoughts on marrying again, and nothing has changed.”
Her big blue eyes shimmered with the threat of tears. He was in love with her, and he hated that this subject had come up at all. The last thing he wanted was to be the reason for her tears. But his fear about trusting a woman again in his life—in Sammy’s life—was bigger than his love for her.
“I’m sorry,” she said and quickly swiped at her eyes. “I should have never spoken about this.” She looked at him with an expression of misery. “Now things are going to be awkward between us. Maybe it really is time for me to go back home.”
“No, it’s not time for you to leave,” he replied firmly. “Not until Dallas gets the creep who is after you behind bars. And things will only be awkward between us if we let them be. I suggest we forget this conversation ever happened, and we move on as usual.”
He could tell his words hurt her, but he didn’t know what else to do, what else to say to her. The only way he could take the tears from her eyes and make her happy was if he told her he loved her, if he said he wanted to marry her. And that simply wasn’t going to happen.
It wasn’t long after that when they went to bed.
As he told her good-night at her door, he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and hold her.
But he didn’t. With her declaration of love for him still fresh in his mind, embracing her now would give her the wrong impression.
He told her good-night and then went into his own bedroom.
He sat on the edge of his bed, still rather stunned by Suzanna’s admission of love for him. Knowing she was in love with him brought his love for her closer to the surface. And he recognized now that he was deeply in love with her.
But he didn’t intend to further the relationship. Rachel had professed to love him when they had gotten married. She had vowed she would never leave him. For several years he thought they’d been happy. When she gave birth to Sammy, he’d never been happier.
Yes, Rachel had told him she loved him desperately, but ultimately, she had walked out of the marriage and had left her little boy behind.
Suzanna might tell him how much she loved him now, and they could get married. But what was to keep her in the marriage? What if she decided to leave him like Rachel had done?
He’d deal with it, but Sammy would be devastated for a second time in his young life. The stakes were simply too high for him to trust and embrace his love for the beautiful schoolteacher.
Thankfully, the next couple of days things seemed to be back to normal. Monday morning he took her and Sammy to school. Once back home, he put on a pair of overalls and a coat and then headed out to the barn.
He was in the process of preparing for spring planting, and the barn had been checked to find the supplies he would need to have the best crops.
Thank goodness he had had a healthy bank account before moving to Millsville. There had been few crops for him to cultivate and then to collect and take to market when he’d moved in here.
He knew there were three silos where the farmers in the area had some sort of a co-op.
But Seth didn’t know the details about how it worked.
Once Suzanna was safe and out of his house, he intended to find out more about the co-op.
It might be something he wanted to participate in when the spring crops came in.
When Suzanna was gone, he’d head to the feed store to order more of the supplies he would need. When Suzanna was gone…the words reverberated in his mind and brought with them a deep sadness.
He would definitely miss her. The house wouldn’t feel the same without her in it.
She had brought with her a new warmth and energy to the house.
He would miss their deep conversations about anything and everything.
He would miss her laughter and how she loved his son.
He would miss seeing her first thing in the morning and her being the last person he saw before going to sleep.
But when she left, he and his son would go back to the way things had been before she’d moved in with them. Sammy would miss her, but the little boy had known all along that she wasn’t going to be his mommy. Both Seth and Suzanna had made that very clear.
At noon, he knocked off his work in the barn and then returned to the house, surprised to realize he’d forgotten to lock the back door while he’d been at the barn.
He grabbed his gun from the top of the fridge and then checked out every room and every closet in the house to make sure nobody had sneaked in to hide while the place had been open and unlocked.
He needed to be more careful about locking up after himself in the future.
Finding nobody, he returned to the kitchen. From the freezer he took out a package of hamburger meat for dinner and then made himself a sandwich for lunch. Leaving the house unlocked while he was down at the barn had been a very careless mistake, one he definitely wouldn’t make again in the future.
After lunch he got on the computer in his bedroom. He hadn’t checked his email for two weeks or so. He was pleased to find a couple of emails from friends he’d left behind when he’d moved. He took several minutes to answer them and then got off the computer.
He was grateful for the busywork that kept his mind occupied and not on Suzanna.
He spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the house and before he knew it, it was time to pick up Suzanna and Sammy.
His son immediately announced he had gotten the necklace once again, while Suzanna was a bit quiet on the ride home.
When they reached the farmhouse, as usual she headed for her bedroom to get out of her teaching clothes and into something more comfortable. Sammy took his pup outside, and by that time Suzanna was back in the kitchen.
She had changed into gray sweatpants and a pink-and-gray T-shirt. She looked positively lovely. “What can I do to help?” she asked as he put the hamburger into a skillet to brown.
“Nothing. Dinner isn’t going to be anything fancy, just spaghetti with meat sauce.”
“Then I’ll set the table,” she said and moved to the cabinet where the plates were stored.
As they worked, she told him about her day and he told her about his. Things felt as if they were back to normal, except he was acutely aware of her now more than ever.
Her perfume rode the air along with the scent of the frying hamburger, and he shot her surreptitious glances as he worked at the stove.