Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Tristan
What in the ever-loving fuck?
I’d climbed out of my car and stepped straight into the damn Twilight Zone. I wasn’t used to family acting the way Kate’s had. There were no boundaries, no invisible lines you weren’t meant to cross.
I’d never known anything like it.
That kiss on the cheek from her mother had been the first one from a woman I hadn’t wanted to sleep with. My mother did not believe in hugs and kisses. Neither did my father. They firmly believed boys shouldn’t be coddled or given any comforting attention whatsoever.
“Stop crying, Tristan,” my mother had said when I’d scraped my knee at five. “It’s just a scratch.”
“Real men don’t cry,” my father had said when I was nine and upset because he refused to come to my baseball game.
“I don’t have time for this. Go look it up on the internet.” That was my mother’s answer when I’d asked about girls.
Over the years, I’d learned not to ask them anything. I’d taken my already low expectations of them and reduced them to zero. As a teenager, I’d acted out, maybe secretly hoping they’d show an interest in me.
They never had.
The few times I’d gotten into trouble, they’d sent the family attorney to sort it out. Insult to injury, since both my parents were attorneys. Two of the best in New York. Their firm was ranked as high as Livingston and Thornburg.
It’s why I took the job there.
Why making partner was so fucking important.
“Couldn’t be bothered to make an effort, I see.”
Kate’s sister’s nasally voice pulled me from my unwanted trip down memory lane. I didn’t like her. The way she’d strode in and kept her attention on me, instead of acknowledging her sister, didn’t sit well with me.
My uneasiness might’ve also had to do with the nervous energy radiating off Kate in droves.
“Really, Eleanor?” I missed the usual bite in Kate’s tone.
And I missed her body pressed against mine. Returning to my spot next to her, I threw my arm over her shoulder. My thumb brushed over the skin her tee exposed. Back and forth, back and forth, I reveled in the satiny smoothness.
“She doesn’t need to.” I gave Eleanor a pointed stare. “Kate’s effortlessly stunning.”
Kate never needed me to save her. I knew the strong woman who loved to challenge me was still there. She might’ve been in hiding, and until she was ready to come out, I’d fight whatever or whoever she needed me to.
“Well done, Katie.” Eleanor did a dramatic slow clap. “This one’s a keeper for sure.” She eyed me up and down yet again. And like earlier, it was fucking hard to hide my disgust. “Or maybe he’s a giver.”
It took a lot for me to feel physically ill. But this woman managed to churn my stomach with one look and one sentence. She was so different than Kate; I wondered if one of them might’ve been adopted.
There was no way these two women came from the same parents.
“Oh, shut it, Eleanor.”
The scary one waltzed into the kitchen, bumping Eleanor’s shoulder as she passed. The latter huffed out a breath and mumbled something about finding a guy named Bryce, then she slinked out of the kitchen.
“Still in the picture, I see.” Arms crossed in front of her, the scary one scrutinized me from head to toe.
I didn’t remember her name. Easy to do when the only name I cared about was Kate’s.
“And meeting the parents.” Her gaze shifted to Kate.
“Things must be going well? Really well, if Mrs. Humphreys is to be believed.”
Kate’s sigh was heavy and loaded. “She came to you too? You think she’ll go see Eleanor as well? Or maybe she already has. Ugh. And you know she’ll say whatever the heck pops into her head without thinking. What a freaking mess this turned out to be.”
She was spiraling. It happened the first time we ran into the social worker. That night, I’d managed to calm her with a simple touch. Hoping it’d work this time too; I ran my free hand over hers and laced our fingers.
It took a few seconds, but her breathing slowly evened out.
Her sister stared at our hands then arched a brow at me. Whatever question she had was lost when Millie raced into the kitchen.
“Tristan, will you swing me?” She stared at me with those big green eyes filled with hope.
Yet again, I was thrown back to my own childhood and the memory of looking up at my father and asking him to play ball with me. He hadn’t even spared me a glance, simply shooed me away like I was a bothersome insect.
I refused to be like him.
Tilting my head, I glanced at Kate. Her body was tight with tension, but fuck me, the smile on her lips when her focus shifted to her little girl nearly did me in.
This woman was messing with my head and other parts of my body in a way I wasn’t remotely prepared for.
She’d somehow burrowed beneath my skin and crawled to corners I had no idea existed.
For the first time in my fucking life, I would do anything for a woman to smile at me like that.
For Kate to smile at me like that.
It was fucking unnerving. And the reason why I had to put some distance between us.
“Yeah, princess,” I finally said to Millie. “Let’s go.”
Trailing behind her on our way to the backyard, various photos lined the wall. None of the frames matched, and there was nothing artistic in the way they were arranged.
My mother would rather die than have mismatched decorations in her house. But then again, framed photos never graced our walls. She didn’t care about capturing the happy moments like the Riveras had.
The only time we took pictures was when some magazine wanted to do a piece on my parents. They’d smile and use me as a prop, pretending I was the best thing in their lives until the journalists left.
The memories scathed my insides. Like swallowing broken glass, they scratched and sliced at wounds that weren’t supposed to be there. My chest ached.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered under my breath. I needed to snap out of whatever the heck that was.
“You said a bad word.” Millie giggled at me over her shoulder. “Kate says it too when she thinks I can’t hear her.”
“Oh yeah?” I grinned. “What else does Kate say?”
We stepped outside. Mr. Rivera leaned back in his Adirondack while Eleanor and who I presumed to be Bryce spoke to him. His gaze landed on me and Millie then drifted to where the little girl’s hand was clutched in mine.
His face softened, and I could’ve sworn when his eyes met mine there was respect there. An uncomfortable unease slid between my ribs and settled deep in my bones.
“She cries at night,” Millie said.
I waited until she was settled on the tire swing attached to the oak tree in the corner of the yard before I asked, “What was that, princess?”
“Kate.” Millie kicked her feet. “She cries at night. Sometimes in the morning in the shower too.”
Why did the image of Kate alone in her room with tears running down her face hurt so damn much? Wasn’t that the question that started this whole fucking thing? I’d been so obsessed with figuring out where her sadness had come from, I’d started something that would only end in more tears...for her.
And maybe even Millie.
As fun and interesting as it’d been riling Kate up and as desperately as I wanted to fuck her, that’s all I wanted.
Wasn’t it?
I didn’t want to settle down and build a family.
I continued to push Millie higher and higher, confusion wracking my brain. Her giggle had morphed into full-blown laughter. And fuck, if that didn’t confuse me even more. I liked hearing it.
“Shit,” I breathed out.
Another giggle spilled from Millie’s lips, but I doubted it was because she heard me.
“Look, Kate, I’m flying.”
My gaze automatically drifted across the yard to where Kate had emerged from the house. And like it’d done for the past few weeks, my heart squeezed violently at the sight of her.
“Oh, wow,” she said to Millie. “You sure are, Bug. Hold on tight, okay?”
“’Kaay,” Millie singsonged.
Kate watched Millie for a few moments longer, the sweetest fucking smile on her lips, then those hazel eyes were on me.
Unbelievable, the power this woman had. Even with all the distance between us, I felt the weight of her stare.
I felt it as sure as live wires scraping over my bones.
My skin stretched tight. Too damn tight.
This woman. This fucking woman turned me inside out with no intention of putting me back together.
It had to stop. I had to make it stop.
Averting my gaze, I tried to focus on anything else but her. Should’ve known it was futile. Every movement caught in my peripheral drew my attention straight back to her.
And every single time, my sanity would slip a bit more.
I’d found myself jealous of the straw she lifted to her perfect mouth. Envious of the way her sister made her smile. Ridiculous. But not nearly as ridiculous as when her mother made her laugh, and I had to close my eyes to savor the sweet, melodious sound of it.
I’d lost my damn mind, and it was all Kate’s fault.
Needing a reprieve from...well, everything. I stopped Millie’s swing and crouched in front of her.
“Would you mind if we took a bit of a break, princess?”
Her gaze bounced over my face. Unease rolled down my spine. There was no way for this kid to know or understand the uncomfortable feeling wrapped around my bones. No way at all.
And yet when she looked at me, it was easy to think otherwise.
“Okay,” she finally said. “I’ll go draw by Gramps.”
She scurried across the yard and jumped onto Mr. Rivera’s lap. Face lighting up, he tucked a few curls that’d escaped from her braid behind her ear. The love he felt—all of them felt—for this little girl was so incredibly overwhelming.
And a reminder of everything I never had.
That ache in my chest multiplied then multiplied again. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t fucking breathe.
Moving my feet, I all but ran for the house. The closer I came to the door, the faster I moved. I had my hand poised on the handle when the sound of voices filtered through the house.
“Go away.” Kate didn’t sound happy.