Chapter 22
Chapter twenty-two
Tristan
Ididn’t leave like I should’ve.
Instead, I found myself sitting at a table surrounded by Kate’s family. All the happy chattering was getting on my last damn nerve.
It wasn’t their fault; I just wasn’t used to any of this.
“Oh, I remember that,” the scary one, Isabella, said before she launched into a long-winded tale about how her father helped them with a school project and ended up glueing his fingers together.
It was so different from the way I grew up. There were no parents to help with my projects or assignments. Shit, in the beginning, there weren’t even projects or assignments because my mother had paid someone to do them.
“And then, when Katie wanted to help,” Eleanor chimed in with that condescending tone of hers. “She ended up making a sticky situation even stickier. Should’ve known then how useless she was.”
This wasn’t the first time she’d tried to disguise her snide remark as a joke. Her barbs were poison disguised as playful sisterly ribbing, slowly eroding Kate’s smile and confidence. It was almost as if she was trying to make her feel small and foolish for the things that brought her happiness.
On cue, Eleanor’s eyes flicked over Kate’s T-shirt with a smirk. Clearly, she wasn’t done. “Oh look, wearing another one of your teenybopper boy band shirts, I see. What are they called again? BTS? It’s like you never outgrew your tween phase.”
The cackle that followed grated on my damn bones.
Next to me, Kate tugged at the hem of her T-shirt. “You’re hilarious,” she mumbled. Her voice wavered slightly, and I had to clench my fists to keep from saying something I’d regret.
Eleanor opened her mouth to throw another jab, I was sure. I was faster.
“That’s enough,” I roared. “You’ve put Kate down for the last time.”
“Leave it,” Kate hissed beside me.
Grinding my molars, I made eye contact with everyone around the table. “Am I the only one bothered by the sh…crap this woman says to and about Kate?”
“Calm down,” Eleanor sneered. “You haven’t been here long enough to understand our inside jokes.”
“Jokes?” I asked incredulously. “Those weren’t jokes. Insults delivered with a smile maybe, but definitely not jokes.” I held her stare. “Apologize.”
Eleanor laughed. “You’re crazy.”
“You will apologize to my—”
“Dammit, Tristan.” Tossing her napkin on the table, Kate jumped up and hurried out of the room.
So did I.
When I found her pacing on the porch, I knew I should’ve told her I was sorry for sticking my nose where it clearly did not belong.
“Why do you let her talk to you like that?” Guess I wasn’t apologizing. In my defense though, I genuinely wanted to know. She never took shit from anyone, especially not me, and yet, she allowed her sister to walk all over her.
Whirling around, those hazel eyes pierced through my heart, but she didn’t say a damn thing. In those few moments of silence an awful, awful thought entered my brain.
“Is it because of that prick? Do you still have feelings for him?” I didn’t want to hear her answer, and yet, at the same time, I couldn’t not know. “Tell me.”
She shook her head. “Why do you even care? It’s not like we have a real marriage.”
“What if—”
“Kate?”
Thank fuck for Kate’s parents’ timing. I’d almost said something I had no business saying.
“Mr. and Mrs. Rivera, I apologize for my outburst.” Scrubbing a palm over my neck, I gave them a quick glance before shifting my attention back to Kate. And shit, if the same confusion marring her features didn’t bubble through my veins.
“I should…uh…probably go.”
I made a move to leave but before I could take a single step, Mrs. Rivera’s hand clamped down on my arm. “You will do no such thing.” Facing Kate, she said, “We’re the ones who should be apologizing.”
“What?” Kate cried. “Why?”
“Because.” Her father threw an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. A knife between the ribs would’ve hurt less than the pain in my chest. Rubbing at the spot, I listened as Kate’s father said the words mine never would.
“We’re sorry, princess. Truth is, we don’t agree with the way your sister treats you, but we na?vely hoped the two of you would figure it out. We never considered how much it could hurt you, or how you’d stay quiet about it because you didn’t want to cause a scene.”
Kate sniffled, and when those beautiful eyes of hers filled with tears, my heart tore in two. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let go.
But her father was already doing that.
A burst of envy shot through my veins. Not just because I wanted to trade places with the man, but because their relationship was something I’d never have.
“Thank you, Tristan,” Mrs. Rivera whispered next to me. “My mama-heart is so full knowing my Katie won’t ever have to face another battle alone.”
Before I could even register what was happening, she dragged me toward her husband and daughter. She threw one arm over Kate’s shoulder and used the other to draw me into their hug.
My entire body stiffened.
Affection of any kind was so unfamiliar, my insides rattled in discomfort. Glancing over their heads, I eyed my car parked in the street. All I had to do was untangle myself from this awkward embrace and make a run for it.
I could’ve been out there in less than two minutes.
Yet again, I didn’t leave like I should have.
Mr. and Mrs. Rivera gently pulled away from their daughter and, with another apology, slipped back into the house.
Kate didn’t move. Neither did I.
Every cell inside my body burned with this desperate need to hold her. To feel her heart beat against mine. To taste those lips again. There were other things I wanted, things that scared the shit out of me.
Things I wasn’t remotely ready to want.
That was why I stepped back until there was enough distance between us that I couldn’t reach out and touch her.
“I’m sorry.”
Ironically, those weren’t the words that burned my tongue.
She just shook her head. More silence descended. It was awkward. The two of us standing there, not saying a word. But my brain simply didn’t have the capacity to focus on anything else than the hurricane of emotions this woman and her family had woken up inside me.
“We should probably head in.” I pulled my shoulders up. “Unless you want me to leave.”
“I don’t want you to go,” she admitted softly.
The confusion piled on. It would’ve been easier if she’d told me to get the hell out of there. But she wanted me to stay. Why? Did she want me in the desperate way I wanted her? Or was it something as simple as me being her ride home?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t fucking know.
It drove me insane.
And still I trailed her into the house. The mood at the dining table wasn’t the same. I hadn’t expected it to be. Eleanor stared daggers at me and Kate while Bryce, the shameless bastard, didn’t even bother hiding his longing when he looked at my wife.
If my head wasn’t so damn messed up, I would’ve thrown an arm around Kate’s shoulders and showed the prick she wasn’t his anymore.
Thing was, she wasn’t mine either. We might’ve signed a piece of paper that tied us together, but that’s all it was. A flimsy piece of paper.
I didn’t have her in the way that mattered.
A good thing too. These two girls did not need the likes of me messing up their lives.
Shit.
It never stopped. This never-ending cycle of wanting them and reminding myself I wasn’t deserving.
For the rest of the afternoon, that’s all that went through my head. It was unsettling and tiring.
That’s why I almost sagged with relief when Millie’s eyes drooped, and Kate quietly asked if I’d take them home.
Because I was still very firmly stuck inside my own damn head, my goodbyes were almost nonexistent.
When Kate joined me at the car, she didn’t say a word.
Simply slid a half-asleep Millie in the back seat.
The click of the seat belt hit loud and heavy.
Louder still was the loaded silence that followed Kate into the car.
She’d noticed the change in my mood but hadn’t asked about it.
I was grateful for that. I wouldn’t have been able to answer her. How could I when I had no damn clue what the hell was going on with me?
Relief, I had no right to, washed over me when I drew to a stop in front of Kate’s building. I was certain I’d be able to make a quick getaway, but one glance in the rearview mirror at Millie sound asleep in the back had me getting out without giving it a conscious thought.
I scooped her small body into my arms and desperately tried to ignore the swirl of emotions circling my chest. Kate and I hadn’t said a word to each other. She didn’t need words. She wore her questions like big, bright neon signs on her beautiful face.
And if that wasn’t enough, the way she constantly smoothed her hands down her thighs would’ve clued me in.
A part of me wanted to know what it was. Wanted her to confide in me. But the fucking weirdness going on inside my brain wouldn’t let me. All I could think about was getting the hell out of there.
“I can take her,” she said, giving me the out I wanted.
Instead of taking it, I shook my head. “I’ve got her.”
“Okay.”
Much like in the car, the elevator ride was made in silence. A thick, heavy, unwelcome silence. Kate’s reflection in the shiny doors seemed as uncomfortable as I felt. Eyes on her feet, those palms kept skimming down her thighs over and over again.
I should say something. Anything. But the words simply wouldn’t come. The only sound was that from the elevator signaling its arrival on her floor.
More silence surrounded us as I followed her into her apartment.
I put Millie in her bed and ignored the way my heart squeezed when she sleepily reached out for another hug. One I couldn’t give her. It was a damn blessing the kid was already half asleep and didn’t notice the giant steps I took backward.
Kate couldn’t have missed it though.
Arms crossed in front of her, she leaned against the doorway. The look in those hazel irises burned me down to my soul.
“I was out of line today,” I said weakly when I stood in front of her. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes narrowed, but she still didn’t say anything.
I’d never felt as exposed as I did then. It was almost like she’d taken a knife and sliced through every barrier, every wall to reveal parts of me I wasn’t ready for anyone to see.
Her lips parted. Holding my breath, I braced for the questions. The ones I didn’t know how to answer.
“You don’t have to apologize.” She slicked her tongue over her teeth, and her cheeks turned a pretty pink. Earlier, I would have done anything to see that blush. “Would you like to stay?”
Such a simple question. Did I want to stay? Yes, I fucking did. Not just for the night either. I wanted... Fuck. I wasn’t ready to admit what I wanted.
That was why I shuffled past her and headed for the door. “Can’t. Made plans with Rafe.”
I didn’t look at her over my shoulder. Couldn’t stand to see the hurt I’d undoubtedly put on her face. It was a dick move. A coward’s way out. Kate deserved better.
That last thought followed me home. Mocked me in the silence of my bedroom where all I saw—all I could think about—was her.
“Fuck,” I roared into the night.
It had to stop.
Yanking my phone from my bedside table, I scrolled through my contacts and stabbed the green button.
Rafe answered on the fifth ring.
I spoke before he could. “I’m bored. Let’s go out.”
The same fucking silence I’d wanted to escape filtered through the line. One, two seconds ticked by before his voice finally sounded, “He lives.”
“The fuck?”
Rafe laughed. “. Besides the odd text here and there, no one has seen or heard from you since you ran out of the café.”
Shit. That’d been the morning I chased after Kate and fell down this damn rabbit hole. I’d never gone this long without going out with Rafe or Liam. It was a miracle neither of them had shown up at my door.
“Do you want to go out or not?” I snapped.
Rafe understood though. All three of us had our fair share of shit days. Days where we snarled and growled at everyone who so much as looked in our direction.
“Yeah, man,” he said. “Tell me where, and I’m there.”
I rattled off the name of one of the clubs we usually went to and hung up. I might not have had the type of family Kate had, but I had friends. Friends who were as close to brothers as I’d get.
Two hours later, I questioned my hasty decision to go out. The music was too loud, and although there hadn’t been a lack of female attention, I wasn’t interested. Which meant that while Rafe kept busy on the dance floor, I knocked back shots like it was my damn job.
My buzz was buzzing.
“What’s up with you?” Rafe yelled over the music when he returned to our booth.
Another J?germeister burned down my throat. “You ever wonder how different we’d be if we’d had normal childhoods?”
“Define normal?” He picked up his scotch and swirled it around his glass.
I took another shot.
“You know, parents who actually cared and shit.” Spreading my legs wide, I leaned forward. I looked at Rafe. His image was a bit blurry. That was my first clue I’d probably had enough to drink.
The second one was when my brain to mouth filter went to shit.
“Maybe if our parents showed us how to care for others, we’d be settled down with two-point-five kids, and all that crap.”
For a long, long time, my friend didn’t say anything. He just fucking watched me. That damn itch, or ache, or whatever the hell it was, burned behind my breastbone again. I rubbed the spot, but it didn’t do shit to alleviate the feeling.
“What?” I finally barked and knocked back another shot. “Why are you fucking staring like that?”
Rafe, bastard that he was, wasn’t fazed. “Do you want to settle down and have two-point-five kids?”
“No.” The word didn’t come as easy as it used to.
Keeping his gaze on me, he sipped from his glass. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, I’m fucking sure.” My blood boiled. Not because he was being pushy. It was Kate. It was always fucking Kate.
When Rafe had asked about settling down, all I saw was her…and Millie. I wanted them. It scared the shit out of me because I didn’t know the first damn thing about being there for someone.
I didn’t know how not to be selfish and how the hell not to hurt them.
“Hi there.”
The woman’s sweet tone snapped me out of my pity party. Somewhere during my musings, she and her friend had slid into our booth. And judging by her expectant expression, she was there for more than a hello.
I studied her openly. She was pretty. And the exact opposite of the woman plaguing my every damn thought. Blonde hair and...I didn’t know what color her eyes were, only that they didn’t stare straight into my soul.
Another shot burned down my throat.
This woman was exactly what I needed.