Chapter 19 – Juliana
“O kay, you can sit up now, Juliana. I know you’re struggling with the nausea but keep taking the prenatal vitamins. You’re slightly anemic so let’s add an iron supplement,” Dr. Mallard says.
Struggling with the nausea is putting it mildly. And, more supplements? I feel queasy at just the thought of taking those things. My sense of smell is so intense it triggers my nausea way too often for my liking.
I’m still fumbling with my skirt when the doctor invites Liam to step back inside the exam room.
He was over the moon when I told him three weeks ago.
It was incredibly sweet and, if it weren’t for the fact I was trying to figure out if there was something going on between him and Felicity, I think I might’ve kissed him at that moment.
I’m tempted to kiss him now with the way his beautiful eyes swim with anxiety.
I don’t know what’s with me. Must be all the hormone surges.
“Everything okay?” he whispers. His concern sends a rush of warmth all through me. He’s the only person in my life beyond my doctor who knows my precious news. But, of course, it’s his news, too.
“She’s fine and everything appears normal. We’ll do an ultrasound at your next appointment to detect the heartbeat. You won’t have to undress for that,” Dr. Mallard says as he snaps off his exam gloves.
Liam scowls at the back of his head. He’d expressed surprise when he realized my doctor was a man but I’ve seen Dr. Mallard forever and he’s got an excellent reputation as an obstetrician. As a bonus, his office is nowhere near Addison’s doctor’s office.
I take Liam’s hand, knowing he’s waiting on my answer.
“I’m good and so is the little blueberry.
” We got a laugh out of the fruit size comparison for the seventh week.
His grin makes my heart speed up, but I won’t overanalyze that.
What happened at Sable has stayed there…
if you don’t count the baby growing inside me.
After I’ve scheduled the next appointment, we step outside into the early spring day.
For the first time lately, taking a deep breath is pleasant and excitement takes over.
“I think I’ll talk to Becca about this today, and I’m definitely going to tell Wendy and Nell when they get back.
” They took the baby to visit Nell’s parents in Seattle for a few days, leaving me in charge of their two spoiled cats.
He nods. “I figured you would once this appointment was out of the way.”
“Would you come with me when I tell them?”
“They’ll know the baby’s mine, right?”
The way he rumbles the word mine has heat licking up my thighs.
It is his baby, too, but I’d planned to do this on my own back when I’d asked him to be my donor.
The plan spiraled into something else after our night at Sable.
I’m not upset by the fact he’s expressed a desire to co-parent, not at all, even if there’s still a great deal for us to resolve.
“Yes,” I answer him at last, knowing it’s taken me too long to speak.
“Good. I’ll come over tonight and take care of Beans and Bert for you.”
My brow furrows. “You don’t have to. I can wear gloves or-” He gives me a look, a ‘stop talking and let me do this’ look. It’s sexy as hell. “Thanks.”
He’s been reading everything he can about pregnancy and, as soon as I told him I’d be taking care of my sister’s cats for a few days, he insisted on handling litter box duties.
Can’t say I’m sorry for that. Beans, the fussy gray and white female, has finally stopped hissing at him while Bert, the orange himbo, won’t let him walk two steps without rubbing against his legs.
“What time is your appointment with Becca?”
“It’s at three so I’ll…” My voice trails off as the sidewalk dims unexpectedly. It’s just a second but, when I open my eyes, Liam’s got an arm around me, his eyes anxiously searching my face.
“Jules? What the hell was that?”
“Nothing. At least, I don’t think it was anything.”
“You looked like you were going to faint.”
“It can happen with all the hormone shifts going on. Liam, stop.” He’s turned us back toward the doctor’s office. “I just need some food to actually stay down, I think. Dr. Mallard said dizziness isn’t uncommon, but I’m okay.”
“Dr. Mallard is a quack.”
“No, he isn’t.”
“His name says it all and has he ever been pregnant?” He sounds so indignant I have to bite back a chuckle over the duck analogy. I won’t address the incredible warmth spreading around my heart over him wanting to march me back inside and demand immediate medical attention.
“I’m fine.” I press my hands to his broad chest to emphasize my words. Oof, he’s always so warm and, thankfully, Liam’s scent is one of the few that doesn’t make me queasy. “Someone promised me lunch.”
He’s not happy but he relents with my plea. “Okay, honey. What sounds good?”
Nothing sounds good, but I won’t tell him that. I’ll do my best to eat for me and for our little blueberry.
∞∞∞
“How does Liam’s possessiveness make you feel?” Becca asks a few hours later.
Horny.
It’s something only he seems able to bring out in me since that pregnancy test came up positive. Before that, too, if I’m honest. But, I bite my tongue and hold my head, trying to focus on our discussion. She’s not eased up on that challenging tone any.
“I like it though I worry about that changing as our baby grows or once I’m no longer… someone he would want.”
“What makes you certain that will happen? What if you’re what he wants?”
Ivy had suggested I am, but a guy like Liam settling down with me? A woman eight years older than him? I still recall that server thinking I was his mom. “In ten years, I’ll be that much older while he’ll still be sexy as sin. I couldn’t hold onto Chad. What makes me think I could keep Liam?”
“Juliana, you’re getting too far into your head and your doubts. Liam isn’t Chad. Why do you assume he would cheat?”
“He’s gorgeous and very sexually active and I’m…”
“The woman he chooses to spend time with whenever he can,” Becca finishes for me. “The one woman he seems extremely attached to despite his string of flings and one-night stands.”
“Because I’m carrying our child.”
“The pregnancy is a recent development. His behavior is not, is it?”
No, it’s not. From the day we met, he’s been there for me. “Are you pushing me toward Liam, Becca?”
“No,” she says, chuckling. “I’m pushing you to know your own heart and stop letting your doubts close your eyes to every potential, that’s all.”
I smile, grateful she’s here to tether me when my emotions are running wild. If only my sensitive stomach could be soothed so easily. “I’m happy he’s so excited about the baby, but I can’t help thinking the lines are becoming blurred.”
She laughs, softly. “I hate to break it to you but I think they already were and they’ll get blurrier in this scenario if you don’t talk it out.
Two homework assignments…” I groan like a kid in class even if I knew it was coming.
“Don’t worry. I’m giving you nine months to work on these.
Openly discuss co-parenting ex pectations with him, and, inwardly, really consider the depth of your feelings for him. ”
I leave Becca’s office a short while later knowing I should do as she suggests. But, the depth of my feelings for him? That sounds like dangerous territory. Nine months is a good amount of time to think all these things through and today I just want to be happy.
The pretty day has me tipping my face up to feel the sun’s rays. I won’t let doubts or fear keep me from enjoying every phase of my pregnancy, even this nausea-ridden part.
But, as I look back down at the pavement again, that swimmy-headed feeling I’ve been noticing off and on returns stronger than ever.
I need to sit down. There’s a bench right there.
Before I can reach it though, the city noises fade and the horizon tilts.
The corner of the bench races toward me and then there’s nothing.